Gironbachs Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I got dumped 5 months ago, harshly. Been strict NC for 4 months and I innocently ran into my ex the other night. Instead of it being awkward, I got the impression she was pissed, like I had maybe did it on purpose.. she looked an acted as though I was some stranger she caught peeping in her bedroom window. I did her no wrong. She broke it off because she said she didn't feel the same, and couldn't see a long-term future with me. She's currently single. My question is , why be angry at me? I didn't do anything wrong. If anyone should be rightly pissed, it should be me. When it was over , she said the same thing a lot of them say , it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, it was tough on her too, A part of her will always love me, blah, blah, blah. If all that was true - then why is she so angry now? I guess it's a defense mechanism to alleviate guilt on the dumper's part? At any rate, it made me feel worse. I'm coping as best as I can, and this was a setback for me. I haven't called, emailed, texted, drive by, nothing - and when I bump into her I get treated with barely-masked digust. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but damn. It hurt my feelings.
JasonRules Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Actually you should be of the mindset "Who cares how or what she feels...". Do you think for one moment she's sitting overanalyzing everything? It was her decision. Tell her to go to hell. You should start dating again. Hopefully next time if you bump into her you'll be with some hot blonde or brunette and she'll still be all alone. Payback is always a bitch
makelemonade1974 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I think you are right on the money. They don't want to be reminded how they were callous a-holes and they want to pretend it's all our fault. Like we were just so terrible we "forced" them to break up with us. Jerks. Having a bad couple days - a little angry.
depplover_1980 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I think it's because some dumpers are robots who have managed to forget you, avoiding their own feelings so they can get over you. When you bump into them you're reminded them of the past and they possibly feel a 'heart twinge' so blame you for being around!! Nobheads!
willpower Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Actually you should be of the mindset "Who cares how or what she feels...". Do you think for one moment she's sitting overanalyzing everything? It was her decision. Tell her to go to hell. You should start dating again. Hopefully next time if you bump into her you'll be with some hot blonde or brunette and she'll still be all alone. Payback is always a bitch Forget payback, if your living your life like that then they still have total control over you. "I'll just go find a really hot girl, then on the off chance I bump into my ex she'll see im such a catch and It'll be awesome". Doesn't matter why they are like it, most likely its awkward for them and they dont know how to deal with the interaction. Best way to think of it is that they probably dont want to be with you, but they think you still like them so they are pretty cold so as not to give you any false signals. That belief gives you self protection against stirring up old feelings. Ultimately learn to be a selfless giver, remember the good times with a smile on your face and hold nothing but love for the memory of that relationship. Let it go and move on. If you hold resentment or hate you will still be bound to it and the more it festers the harder your recovery. "One chance per woman per lifetime" - I am now a firm believer in this philosophy. I do think second chances happen, but I think they either happen soon and in that case usually fail for the same reason the break up occurred or they happen after a very long break in which case its pretty much like 2 new ppl meeting (v.rare for this to happen). Of course there are exceptions but I dont think I'm statistically special enough to be an exception - and neither should anyone for their own mental health. Dont get stuck thinking they will come back. As hard as it seems you need to at least get your thoughts in the right place.
depplover_1980 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Forget payback, if your living your life like that then they still have total control over you. "I'll just go find a really hot girl, then on the off chance I bump into my ex she'll see im such a catch and It'll be awesome". Doesn't matter why they are like it, most likely its awkward for them and they dont know how to deal with the interaction. Best way to think of it is that they probably dont want to be with you, but they think you still like them so they are pretty cold so as not to give you any false signals. That belief gives you self protection against stirring up old feelings. Ultimately learn to be a selfless giver, remember the good times with a smile on your face and hold nothing but love for the memory of that relationship. Let it go and move on. If you hold resentment or hate you will still be bound to it and the more it festers the harder your recovery. "One chance per woman per lifetime" - I am now a firm believer in this philosophy. I do think second chances happen, but I think they either happen soon and in that case usually fail for the same reason the break up occurred or they happen after a very long break in which case its pretty much like 2 new ppl meeting (v.rare for this to happen). Of course there are exceptions but I dont think I'm statistically special enough to be an exception - and neither should anyone for their own mental health. Dont get stuck thinking they will come back. As hard as it seems you need to at least get your thoughts in the right place. I agree with all of this and enjoyed reading your perspectives...
Google1000 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 If she is acting like that towards you, she probably isn't over you yet. Most likely she is trying to get over you and doesn't want that to be deterred, or she is tricking herself into thinking it was all your fault to make herself feel better.
Sugarkane Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I also wonder about this as I was cruelly dumped by ex, even though I did nothing wrong. Yet he blamed EVERYTHING on me.
fiat500 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I also wonder about this as I was cruelly dumped by ex, even though I did nothing wrong. Yet he blamed EVERYTHING on me. if he blamed everything on you it means he just can't face the fact that he is not infallible and has to trick himself into believing that nothing is his fault. he has to believe he is an awesome guy and does nothing wrong or else he'll be destroyed. it will catch up to him though.
MidnightinMadrid Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) I think it's because some dumpers are robots who have managed to forget you, avoiding their own feelings so they can get over you. When you bump into them you're reminded them of the past and they possibly feel a 'heart twinge' so blame you for being around!! Nobheads! Lol! thats if they actually have a heart to feel a twinge. Land conservationist should be alerted bc Antartica is missing chunks of ice since its running thru his veins. To the OP,I know where your ex is,she's dating mine,its all about Ego.-hers. i suggest next time you bump into her you pretend that she doesnt exist either. Edited February 18, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid
makelemonade1974 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 \"One chance per woman per lifetime" This is fabulous advice and a good motto. Why should we allow dumpers to come back and hurt us again? They messed up, so that's it. Value yourself and don't let people mistreat you, and then act like it's your fault they dumped you? Are you kidding? One chance. That's it.
depplover_1980 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip? -Eminem
makelemonade1974 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) I am trying to delete this post. yep yep yep Edited February 18, 2011 by makelemonade1974
depplover_1980 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I am trying to delete this post. yep yep yep Hey, you going crazylady?
willpower Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip? -Eminem Let it slip. You can't cheat nature. Let it slip and you live with regret forever. Slightly drunk. Pretty ticked off with what I've done. Can only blame ones self:( better but still in the darkness of hell.
makelemonade1974 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Hey, you going crazylady? I was going to post a song, then I couldn't find the link. And it wouldn't let me delete the whole post. It said I had to write more then ten characters or something, so I did.
willpower Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Let it slip. You can't cheat nature. Let it slip and you live with regret forever. Slightly drunk. Pretty ticked off with what I've done. Can only blame ones self:( better but still in the darkness of hell. Drunk loveshack, almost as embarrassing as the drunk text! I guess you know your still in the pit when your best chat up line is "threesome girls..." needless to say slept alone last night:)
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