brokendreamz Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 She broke up with me 6 weeks ago after an 8 year relationship broke down due to my behaviour. I grew complacent, never made an effort with the important stuff and looking back on it was a total wanker - why do we not realise how good we've got it till it's too late? Wasn't sure I loved her, now this pain in my chest, foggy head and the fact I can't stop thinking about her tells me I was DEEPLY in love! I miss her soooo bad!! She told me she doesn't feel the same any more, I broke down infront of her and have spent the last 6 weeks trying to get her back! It's soo frustrating cos we've met up a few times for lunch and had a cuddle but it always ends in tears (literally) and I'm straight back to square 1 while she seems able to forget about me although she swears she's not seeing anyone else... yet! I wrote her a note last night and posted it through her door (we have a house together which is currently on the market due to the split and she's living at her mums!) telling her that after 6 weeks of madness I'm giving up. Been NC for 22 hours and I REALLY want to call, email or text AAARRRRRRGH It's like an addiction, it's driving me mental. She tells me that it doesn't make any difference if I've changed, it's defo over but she's still like to be friends. Man I want to talk to her/hold her/kiss her/make it up to her. Why was I such a twat??? Some one please tell me what I need to hear! Please!!!!!!!
JasonRules Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 She told me she doesn't feel the same any more, I broke down infront of her and have spent the last 6 weeks trying to get her back! This was a very big mistake on your part. You need to stop obsessing about her by finding distractions (gym, friends, family etc). Me personally I hit the gym everyday, spent time with friends, and also am going on holiday with my buddies for a week to forget about everything that happened. The last thing you should be doing is contacting her because all this will accomplish is push her further away and also keep you feeling depressed. Ever tried to hold a wet bar of soap in the shower very hard? The harder you squeeze the further the bar of soap flies away. That soap bar is your ex.
Author brokendreamz Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Hey JasonRules, I know how big a mistake it was but I've only just come across this website! I think it should be included in the school curriculum! Anyhoo - I just checked my email and she's left one thanking me for the letter... 'Thank you for the letter. I hope you're ok'. No question mark though I notice... Thing is, we are selling a house that she owns part of so it's not like I can cut her out of my life entirely till the place has sold. Do I email her back telling her I'm fine or leave it? I think I know the answer! Also, FYI just come back from joining the gym and intend to see mates more often from now on... Still REALLY want her back though!! Now almost 23 hours since I last made contact...
JasonRules Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hey JasonRules, I know how big a mistake it was but I've only just come across this website! I think it should be included in the school curriculum! Anyhoo - I just checked my email and she's left one thanking me for the letter... 'Thank you for the letter. I hope you're ok'. No question mark though I notice... Thing is, we are selling a house that she owns part of so it's not like I can cut her out of my life entirely till the place has sold. Do I email her back telling her I'm fine or leave it? I think I know the answer! Also, FYI just come back from joining the gym and intend to see mates more often from now on... Still REALLY want her back though!! Now almost 23 hours since I last made contact... Do this: 1. Do not contact her back. The only reason she sent you that email was to ease her own guilt in hurting you. Now's not the time to start emailing back and forth. You do not keep messing with the wound until its healed because all you'll be doing is keep making it bleed again. You leave it alone. 2. As for the home, send your mother or father to represent you. Avoid all contact with whatever means possible. Do not let her see you at all. You need to completely disappear out of her life entirely. 3. After work, go home get your stuff and hit the gym every single day for 2-3 hours per day. At the beginning it will be hard, but as the days go by you will create a habit and your mind will think less and less of your ex and you will start healing very quickly. Plus all those endorphins released during your exercise will make you feel great. 4. Make sure you do not sit at home alone because this is detrimental to your mental well being. Always make plans to do something every single day with your mates. I don't care what it is, but do not sit at home alone. 5. Take down every single picture and put her things in boxes so you're not reminded of her presense. Move the furniture around too. Create a different environment and setting. 6. Try to plan a holiday/vacation to (I assume you're in England) to Portugal, Spain, Italy, or Greece. Go somewhere where there's plenty of sunshine. It will make you feel much better. 7. Remove your exes phone number from your mobile. Write it down on a piece of paper and put it away. This way you will not be tempted to contact her. If you get in the mood to contact her or are feeling week, call a friend up. Talk to them until you feel better. 8. Have some pride. Remember this thing called PRIDE? Don't forget that she broke up with you. You need to show her that it was a mistake, not by chasing her or crying to her, but by being happy, energetic, strong, confident, and standing tall once again. Remember in the movie "Bridget Jones' Diary"? Bridget got dumped, but she didn't sit and cry forever. She pulled herself together and started feeling great about herself and the guy came back. Be good to yourself and women will flock to you once again.
willowthewisp Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hi, My fiance left me after nearly 20 years together, two years ago (in his case he has committment problems, but tried to blame me all the same!) anyway I get what you are feeling. Can I ask did she tell you before she left that she was unhappy? Was this a bolt out of the blue? Because to be honest, if you had no clue (and beleive me you would have noticed if something was up) and she gave you no chance to try and resolve anything, then her "reasons" are just excuses. You tow had been together 8 years, you deserve the chance to mend things, this is not a short term relationship, she had made a promise to marry you, you do not just up and leave that without relationship counselling etc first! That's not right. I usually post on the seperation and divorce forum due to the length of my relationship, you may find some help on there as well as here.
fetish Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 i'm in the same boat as you brokendreamz. Mines a little more recent but just got out of an 8 year relaitionship and she had plans of getting married, but lost her due to her gambling addiction. Once the gambling had her there was nothing i could do or say to try to convince her why she should choose gambling over me. I've been scared to go to sleep everynight because i always dream that i see her out with a new boyfriend looking at him the way she used to look at me. I've been on NC for almost 48 hrs. She's been the one to break it with little breadcrumb messages like how r u? r u gonna ignore me forever? I thought i'd mess with her head a little and send her something on valentines day, just so she got one last romance and wouldn't forget about how good she had it. I'm with JasonRules, hit the gym. I felt so good last night after i got around to hitting the gym. Go shopping and buy yourself some new gear. Write a song or the book you may have dreamed of. Watch a funny TV show. Think about you. I'm just like you, We have an apartment together and she still has alot of her things at my house but she also still has the key. I also cosigned her to a car because i thought we were going to remain together but if she misses a payment, i'm taking the sucker back to the finance place we got it.
rajcs25 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hi, A lot of people will advice you to break all contacts with her. However, i dont believe in that. It really depends on how strong you are. How much you are impacted by this. A lot of factors take part in this. If you think you are devastated and can get into depression, the best way for you is to talk with her as much as she would like to talk. Dont force her to talk. Just talk with her as per her convenience and as much as she is willing. And accept the reality that she is gone, but there is a chance as she is not with anyone else and still talking with you. Its not over until its over. But your larger thoughts should be on she is gone and now you need to shape your life yourself. So think positively that she is still talking with you and that way find all the activities such as gym etc. etc. etc. that works for you. This way you are buying time to get yourself on track. And you are still talking with her with slightest hope. THis will help you not to fall under any kind of depression and slowly you will get in your own life and it will be less painful... So talk with her, feel free to go out for lunch, dinner, whatever, Best answer is to Treat Yourself. If going out with her and talking with her is Treating yourself, by all means, Do what you feel like. Be the king. Every moment think as if everything works what you wish and thats the best strategy to not to get into depression and live life I am telling you from my experiences as i felt into depression and it made things worse for myself while person who left me moved on and is happy and i am still single Hey JasonRules, I know how big a mistake it was but I've only just come across this website! I think it should be included in the school curriculum! Anyhoo - I just checked my email and she's left one thanking me for the letter... 'Thank you for the letter. I hope you're ok'. No question mark though I notice... Thing is, we are selling a house that she owns part of so it's not like I can cut her out of my life entirely till the place has sold. Do I email her back telling her I'm fine or leave it? I think I know the answer! Also, FYI just come back from joining the gym and intend to see mates more often from now on... Still REALLY want her back though!! Now almost 23 hours since I last made contact...
rajcs25 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Take down every single picture and put her things in boxes so you're not reminded of her presense. Move the furniture around too. Create a different environment and setting. Is a Very VEry Very Very important part one must follow to move on.............. Do this: 1. Do not contact her back. The only reason she sent you that email was to ease her own guilt in hurting you. Now's not the time to start emailing back and forth. You do not keep messing with the wound until its healed because all you'll be doing is keep making it bleed again. You leave it alone. 2. As for the home, send your mother or father to represent you. Avoid all contact with whatever means possible. Do not let her see you at all. You need to completely disappear out of her life entirely. 3. After work, go home get your stuff and hit the gym every single day for 2-3 hours per day. At the beginning it will be hard, but as the days go by you will create a habit and your mind will think less and less of your ex and you will start healing very quickly. Plus all those endorphins released during your exercise will make you feel great. 4. Make sure you do not sit at home alone because this is detrimental to your mental well being. Always make plans to do something every single day with your mates. I don't care what it is, but do not sit at home alone. 5. Take down every single picture and put her things in boxes so you're not reminded of her presense. Move the furniture around too. Create a different environment and setting. 6. Try to plan a holiday/vacation to (I assume you're in England) to Portugal, Spain, Italy, or Greece. Go somewhere where there's plenty of sunshine. It will make you feel much better. 7. Remove your exes phone number from your mobile. Write it down on a piece of paper and put it away. This way you will not be tempted to contact her. If you get in the mood to contact her or are feeling week, call a friend up. Talk to them until you feel better. 8. Have some pride. Remember this thing called PRIDE? Don't forget that she broke up with you. You need to show her that it was a mistake, not by chasing her or crying to her, but by being happy, energetic, strong, confident, and standing tall once again. Remember in the movie "Bridget Jones' Diary"? Bridget got dumped, but she didn't sit and cry forever. She pulled herself together and started feeling great about herself and the guy came back. Be good to yourself and women will flock to you once again.
Author brokendreamz Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Some great advice again. Not sure about meeting up with her any more though - although that's ALL I want to do, it hasn't been that healthy a choice, because rather than go home together we go our seperate ways at the end and that hurts soooooo much! Willowthewisp - yes, she did mention she wasn't happy but I was f****ng blind!! I CANNOT believe I let this happen... and it is all MY fault, I think that's why I'm so gutted over the whole thing, I've lost the love of my life cos I was a dickhead. I've told her I've changed (and I have both mentally and phsyically - lost nearly a stone and a half!) but she said that it's been a gradual thing over time and she does not feel the same... and I don't blame her - I was a fat idiot who treated her wrong but I just want one chance to put everything right! Too late though :0( I haven't replied to her email although I know we'll have to talk at some point about the house sale, I don't have anyone else that can sort certain things. It's her birthday on the 23rd and I want to buy her something sooo much but I guess I should let it ride right? I mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER right? God I feel so ****ty and I know I deserve it but I don't know how to stop feeling sorry for myself! Gym induction tonight so maybe that will give me a vent huh?
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