Veng Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hi to all of you guys! Me and my boyfriend (24) were dating for 3 years long distant (living in different countries). We really did fit to each other and everything was nice; I planed to move to him after finishing my studies. In October last year he broke up with me. First he motivated it with the fact that he wasn’t ready to settle down, in other words he wanted to try other girls still. He said that if we both dated other people and didn’t find them good enough, we would come back to each other. At the same time he wasn’t sure, if he still loved me and so on. He pushed me out of his life. After a few small chats I went NC. He promised to write me at Christmas and he did. In his big mail he told me about what and how he was doing. He didn’t date anybody (we are both not very jumping into new relationships people). Wrote that he missed me a lot and it was still hard to live without me, however he still thought that the decision was right. He was not 100% sure in our relationship and didn’t want to make me think he was. However now it wasn’t about other girls but about the fact that he didn’t think he could handle me being dependent on him after moving to him, as he couldn’t even always handle his own finances. It would be much easier, if we lived near each other. He suggested me being friends. I answered him with a happy mail, how great I was doing, but denied any friends stuff. But we had a few more conversations initiated by him after that. During one of them, after me telling him that I really would like to spend my life with him, he said that he was giving me an offer: as he thought that his main fear was based on the fact, that I would be totally dependent on him after moving, I should obligatory try to get a job there. Well I was going to do it anyway, so not really changed my plan. We somehow ‘got together’. But this lasted for a week. I had the feeling that I just persuaded him to do it. Moreover, he got me as a friend as he wanted (but didn’t express any romantic stuff), he still didn’t want to talk about our relationship and where it was going, which was important to me. So I wrote him a mail explaining that if I moved to his country, I needed his help and support first anyway, even not just to be kicked out of there after some time. He replied that he couldn’t really help me in getting independent there and in order to guarantee my staying in the country, he should marry me and that’s what he didn’t want. He said that he still didn’t know for sure and suggested to talk about it later to see what we would learn then again. So it was the end of January and there was NC since then. What do you think, is there a hope in this entire situation?
gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hye veng, just a tip next time split it into paragraphs, it's a little hard to keep up when it is isn't spaced up. That being said, the guy is afraid of committment, the only thing you can do right now is go into NC. Read the guide in my signature and follow it to a tee, if he gets over his commitment phobia he will come back to you I promise. Until then you have to live life for you, get out there and have some fun. -Gator
Author Veng Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 thanks gator! yeah NC is really what i should do and what i am doing .. but what do you think, should i congratulate him with his birthday in 2 weeks, just to check up what's on his mind now ... and just to be nice?
gator12 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 A quick happy birthday at most if you must. No further conversation but that. But if you're serious about NC I'd advise against it, because it will most likely draw you guys back into talking. And not as in a second chance, but as in being really good friends again. lol. -Gator
Eddie Edirol Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 This guy isnt sure about you so you should forget about him. The only person you should be trying to get into a serious relationship with is someone who is serious about getting into a relationship with you. Not a guy who is making excuses as to why he has to break it off with you. YOu dont want someone who doesnt want you. Bottom line is, he will never want you 100 percent, ESPECIALLY if you are dependent on him. Having someone around that is a girlfriend 24/7, when you dont want a girlfreind, is a recipe for disatser. He wont really want you until you move to his country on your own and hes dating other women in the process, trying to find someone that he thinks is better than you. Is that what you want?
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