Atilla the Hungry Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I divorced my xW three years ago and have been remarried for two years. My xW did not get on with my family prior to the divorce, and I grew estranged from my family during the decades we were married. My W however gets on really well with them, and we have grown really close to my family since the divorce. My stepmother recently passed, and we were planning on attending the funeral with my children. However, one of the children mentioned to my xW that my stepmother had passed, and she now plans to attend the funeral even though she was not officially informed nor invited. She has made a point since the divorce of publicly avoiding me and my W and this would be the first occasion since the divorce that we would be in the same venue. Given her past behaviour, I am terrified that she will make a scene at the funeral, particularly as I only found out from someone else that she intended going. My W thinks it is unlikely that she would behave badly at the funeral in front of her own children, especially as she is unlikely to gain any sympathy from my family if she did. However, I don't share her optimism - I know my xW and she doesn't. I cannot prevent her attending, but I am terrified at what she might do.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Completely ignore her if she makes a scene. It would be better to call her and tell her just to send flowers, and write a note to your dad, but that might make things worse. She has alot of nerve to show up when she didn't even like your family. Sorry for your loss.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 You probably should have formally informed her of the death, and asked for her condolences to be sent in the form of a card or flowers. I just got hit with the fact that my stbxH's grandmother died and I got on with her very well, and she liked me very much. Yet I was not informed. I found out through an internet search. I would have really appreciated if someone had told me. I wouldn't have attended the funeral since stbX and I are not on good terms but I would have sent my condolences. As it is now I feel bad that I could not express my sorrow during that time... I don't condone her gatecrashing, but I also don't condone not informing her in a formal manner.
greengoddess Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 So what happened? We need an update. Did your xw go? You were the ws correct and that is why she is the exwife? Why does your family have ill will towards her. This was her childrens grandmother and her mother in law for years before your divorce why would you not tell her. She certainly belongs at the funeral of her childrens grandmother. Was the ow in your marriage your new wife? Is that why you are afraid she would make a scene?
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