jazzpur Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 i met a 21yo girl who just moved to the east coast to straightn her life out... with a new good job, school etc. i figured this was perfect for a no strings attached type thing, she was younger and turned out to be extremely sexual first few dates, we just hit it off very well... it starting to feel like a relationship, but neither of us made anything official she then invited me to stay out of town with her for a weekend work trip, it became a lovey dovey attachment by day...sex fest by night..i was in boyhood heaven last weekend. she was a freak, best way to put it. i came back home, and she stayed at her work seminar (a few hours away) for the following week... we stayed in touch via text and phone she then wanted to know "where do we stand?" and i told her i wasnt ready to commit to a serious relationship at the moment eventhough i was secretly starting to have feelings for her. she kept the clinging going for a week, knitted me a scarf and a hat, told me how much she missed me while she was away for work , told me she was falling for me and didnt want to get hurt. bomb drops one night later in the week...she calls me crying like crazy...her cheating exbf of 3 years called her after a 6 month break up. i instantly told her i wasnt going to be her shoulder to cry on over an ex but assured her id make her feel better at the moment. later that night she started to question why i still signed onto my POF account... i was honest with her and just told her it was just stupid attention, i wasnt dating anyone else again she clinged on me up until valentines day...."we have to talk" blah blah blah "my ex and i have been talking, eventhough he cheated on me so many times, i still love him" then she even brought up two other guys she was dating and ran away from prior to me. she mentioned theyve both recently texted her saying they miss her, so i can tell if she was willing to mention them, she was loosing interest in me she questioned: " i want to know if you still want to continue what we have going now that you know im an emotional mess?" (keep in mind, her ex lives 3000 miles away) i told her i wasnt looking for anything serious from the get go, but i admitted that i started to have feelings for her eventhough i didnt act on them. She seemed pretty offened by that and started getting defensive, even tried to justify her ex's multiple affairs by saying everyone has faults. it seems like her interest just died completely, so i just backed off entirely... i now know shes kind of a headcase over her past, but the sex was great and i really started to get feelings for her .. how do i play this if and when she makes contact again?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 So, playa, can't take what you dish out? You're using her as NSA, why can't she use you as a rebound?
Author jazzpur Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 ill be honest, those were my orignal intentions until we made a good connection... i did want a relationship but didnt know her well enough yet to make a commitment. if i didnt have feelings, i wouldnt be on this board whinning about her
xpaperxcutx Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 ill be honest, those were my orignal intentions until we made a good connection... i did want a relationship but didnt know her well enough yet to make a commitment. if i didnt have feelings, i wouldnt be on this board whinning about her And you're still going about it in a playa way. If you have genuine feelings about her, you don't tell her time and time again you're not looking for anything serious, even a dog knows not to court the same bone again if they're told multiple times NO. If you're looking to mend fences, time to man up. Tell her how you really feel and let her know that if she wants to be with you, you don't expect to be rebound. And that you're going to treat her like the woman she deserves to be treated and not a booty call. Honesty is the best policy, and please don't act a fool.
Nexus One Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This is what you could say, at your own risk: "Please be clear to me about what you really want. If you want to be with me, then you need to get over your ex and those other two guys. I can't consider a relationship with you if you have so many competing factors in your life. It wouldn't work, because due to those outside factors the dynamic between us would snap sooner or later." Then also tell her what it is exactly that you want and then go from there. It could be a risky thing to say, but you know her and the situation better than I do, so you can make a better judgment/assessment than me about whether or not you could say something like that.
Author jazzpur Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 nexus, i like that approach... at this point i think its best to wait it out, give her space and not say anything to her until she contacts me
Author jazzpur Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 She wants to meet up tonight... Seems like it's gonna be bad news but I'm keeping my head straight
Author jazzpur Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) We met up and she slept over to talk, she already disconnected emotionally so I was sort of feeling the dead end. She brought up how she felt she was putting so much into US and I wasn't reciprocating, the fact I was still on po f, that she spent hours to make me things to show how much she cared. Meanwhile I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship when she continuously brought it up. I wasn't ready for it... She questioned why all of my feelings came up once she was out the door. I'll admit I got insecure and asked her about another guy and she denied it, but I believe she was lying... She would say no and Started diverting the subject and getting defensive...so that kinda hurt. I've never met a girl that could discontect emotionally without connecting emotionally elsewhere, maybe I'm just beating my self up. I came to work and she is still sleeping at my house... I just woke her up to say bye and told her to take care of herself Edited February 17, 2011 by jazzpur
xpaperxcutx Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 We met up and she slept over to talk, she already disconnected emotionally so I was sort of feeling the dead end. She brought up how she felt she was putting so much into US and I wasn't reciprocating, the fact I was still on po f, that she spent hours to make me things to show how much she cared. Meanwhile I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship when she continuously brought it up. I wasn't ready for it... She questioned why all of my feelings came up once she was out the door. I'll admit I got insecure and asked her about another guy and she denied it, but I believe she was lying... She would say no and Started diverting the subject and getting defensive...so that kinda hurt. I've never met a girl that could discontect emotionally without connecting emotionally elsewhere, maybe I'm just beating my self up. I came to work and she is still sleeping at my house... I just woke her up to say bye and told her to take care of herself Huh seems like a double edged sword... she didn't disconnect emotionally, in fact she told you what's up- she likes you but you're still the one playing stupid games. You didn't voice your opinions loud and clear and you certainly weren't honest with her. You told her you didn't want a relationship ( when in fact, you did) and now you're the one accusing her of being emotionally detached? Sounds more to me like you expect her to chase you and give you an ego boost rather than meeting her half way. I thought you were going to do what Nexus told you? Be honest and straightforward. Instead you bit yourself in the back for playing stupid mind games.
Author jazzpur Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) Huh seems like a double edged sword... she didn't disconnect emotionally, in fact she told you what's up- she likes you but you're still the one playing stupid games. You didn't voice your opinions loud and clear and you certainly weren't honest with her. You told her you didn't want a relationship ( when in fact, you did) and now you're the one accusing her of being emotionally detached? Sounds more to me like you expect her to chase you and give you an ego boost rather than meeting her half way. I thought you were going to do what Nexus told you? Be honest and straightforward. Instead you bit yourself in the back for playing stupid mind games. i cant disagree with you, i f'ed up i followed my heart during our conversation and figured it was best to let her go for now. she started giving me the "youre a really nice guy and everything" talk....i could tell the interest for me was dead right now. it was hard for me to believe the convoluted stories she was telling me, too many missing pieces... she also told me she just planned a 2 week trip in march to go back home and figure out her life. there was too much baggage at this point to pursue her... only if she chose to continue dating me until things cleared themselves up would i have decided it was the right time for a healthy relationship i made a last ditch future prospect offer for her last night was when she was laying next to me in bed.... i grabbed her and pulled her face to face and told her " i dont know what youre up to now, im not going to let it bother me...but i wont let you just slip out of my life forever" i meant it when i said it..... im giving her space now...if she ever gives me a sign ill make my move Edited February 17, 2011 by jazzpur
Author jazzpur Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 welp, just found out she was lying the whole time... when she brought up the ex...it was a total lie to get out the the situation she went back to dating the guy previous to me, as i had figured
Jannah Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 It sounds like she opted out of the NSA arrangement with you, for something more concrete. Enjoy it for what it was >>>>a great connection sexually...
Duckduckgoose Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Sounds like the girl is playing ping-pong with guys. Gotta hate a bitch that strings several males along at one time.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 welp, just found out she was lying the whole time... when she brought up the ex...it was a total lie to get out the the situation she went back to dating the guy previous to me, as i had figured You saw that your instincts were right the first time. She jumped ship with you to get with the last guy, but you know it wont work since THAT guy didnt make her forget about her original ex. You might not have been able to do it either, or maybe she really thought you could make her forget about him. At any rate, she didnt want to wait it out with you, you made the right call. Who knows, she might be on a rampage to break as many hearts as she can to make herself feel better. You dodged a bullet. You got the knowhow.
spackle Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 welp, just found out she was lying the whole time... when she brought up the ex...it was a total lie to get out the the situation she went back to dating the guy previous to me, as i had figured so she asks you for something more, you decline and she goes back to someone who-I presume- was making all the right noises to her. Yeah she sounds like a total bitch
Author jazzpur Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 on valentines day when she brought up the whole "ex bf issue"...the..."im not going to be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone right now...but i still like you a lot, do you want to continue this??"......she was saying all of this crap to cover up her guilt. it was vday....so eventhough she was "mad" at my response, i told her i wanted to see her... she replied "no i need to be alone right now". we stayyed talking on the phone and she hopped in her car and she started driving...so i asked her where she was going.... she said "im going to a hotel" a hotel?! where?? why? "in union" (half hour a away) "i need to take my mind off of things and i want to let my cousin and her hubby have their space for valentines day" (she was living there for a couple months) yet anoher carefully caluclated lie. she was good at quick excusses to cover her tracks. very good liar She makes it to the hotel while im still talkng to her on the phone and quickly says shes got to hop in the shower "then i have homework to catch up on, so im going to cut our conversation short tonight., i have a lot on my mind" Im anxious a hell that night thinking, why did she drive a whole half hour to union to go to a hotel??....immediately hop in the shower...and tell me she was gonna be busy with homework and things on her mind that couldnt call me back that night. now that i pieced it all together these couple weeks later.... this hotel she told me she was going happens to be 2 minutes from where this other guy goes to school. this is great....girls completely in love with me for 2 months... "i cant wait to see you again!" all week apart from her vday comes and ....MY valentine decides to go to a hotel and f**k some other dude who "misses her" i pieced it all together once i found out she was "in a relationship" with this guy come 2 days ago i cant help but be bitter about this situation...
Author jazzpur Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 ihavnt talked to her in a month... ive been more anxious recently, than when i broke off from a 3 year loving relationship... i just feel so beat that she lied to me on vday to go f*ck another guy she left previous to me... this wasnt even a "relationship", i dont know why im letting it beat me up so bad, just feel like less of a man
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