get back ex programs

[rbitrage]

i know this might be lame, but anyone try any of those get back your ex programs and if any of them work? Feel free to blast me for asking because i feel quite silly even considering getting such a thing. They are all over the internet and youtube.

[PegNosePete]

It's lame. I mean they're lame, not you

 

It's people making money from desperate, emotionally vulnerable people.

 

If you want a reconciliation it needs to be based on honesty and trust, not some cheap trick that you saw in a youtube video or a glossy magazine.

[thegreatmistake]

Hey again Rage-

 

I've read them all, and I can safely say that everything they say this site will say, except maybe for some very questionable "tricks" to getting people back that don't really fix anything or help things work out in the long run and are very similar to getting your ex back through pity. Which you don't want.

 

I'll sum them up for you-

 

-Minimum one month of no contact

-Make contact if you're ready (accepted breakup and know you may not get them back and are okay with it)

-Set up hanging out (if this doesn't go smoothly back to step one and try again after another month)

-Hang out for no more than 30-60 minutes with no reference to your past relationship if you can help it. "leave them wanting more."

-DON'T call to have out again for a few days

-Continue hanging out until you've been unoffically dating for a while

-Become official

 

If at any point things fail you're supposed to consider giving up and if you don't want to restart no contact and try again. Also make dates light-hearted and exciting.

 

That would be 10-15 "programs" summed up there in a few lines. If you have any questions or need advice, ask for it here and you'll get at least as much help as you would from all of the programs put together.

 

Stay Strong

[rbitrage]

Thanks a lot for the info, thegreatmistake.

 

So the re-approach after a month or two, how does that work because some people suggest never to contact the dumpee unless she contacts first.. I just find that too risky.

 

Also, are there exceptions to any of this stuff. I really want to get back with her and i just think, despite hearing it over and over again from everyone, that by being laid back and not showing that i still love her, i might lose her.

 

I don't know. I just think in matters of the heart it is really really hard to do this process. I think we love eachother, and my feeling is that everyday I am losing her a little bit more each day.

 

I know this is silly but if her friend or her sister were to say just do the following and you will get her back, I'd do it. but according to this process i can't even speak to them.

 

i know i am being unreasonable here, but i just really believe in what i have with her.

 

Oh btw, my screen name is more of a play on the word 'arbitrage' not really rage. I really don't have any rage at the moment, just sadness

[rbitrage]

correction: i am the dumpee...she is the dumper

[spackle]

Thanks a lot for the info, thegreatmistake.

 

So the re-approach after a month or two, how does that work because some people suggest never to contact the dumpee unless she contacts first.. I just find that too risky.

 

Also, are there exceptions to any of this stuff. I really want to get back with her and i just think, despite hearing it over and over again from everyone, that by being laid back and not showing that i still love her, i might lose her.

 

I don't know. I just think in matters of the heart it is really really hard to do this process. I think we love eachother, and my feeling is that everyday I am losing her a little bit more each day.

 

I know this is silly but if her friend or her sister were to say just do the following and you will get her back, I'd do it. but according to this process i can't even speak to them.

 

i know i am being unreasonable here, but i just really believe in what i have with her.

 

Oh btw, my screen name is more of a play on the word 'arbitrage' not really rage. I really don't have any rage at the moment, just sadness

 

It depends on your intention. You're asking about web books etc that are supposed to help you get your ex back by basically vanishing for a month or two so they wonder what has happened to you. And get your head straight.

 

NC is about aiding your own healing and moving on.

[GreenPolicy]

Read this instead:

 

http://lovesagame.com/wp-content/uploads/downloads/7reasons.pdf

[rbitrage]

Thanks Greenpolicy, I read the attachment.

 

The truth is I find what he says to be very difficult to accept for myself. I don't want to believe it ended for a reason and i'm better off without her.

 

I guess deep down inside, I still believe in the relationship and I believe in our love. If i have to suffer like this so be it. Maybe I am in love with an ideal version of her, but I don't believe that to be the case. And I know that I am destroying myself along the way by stayin in this state. I accept that.

 

Not everyone is built to take these events well.

 

I hope we do re-build our relationship, but if we don't I wish her all the happiness in the world. For me, I suspect there will be long periods of anguish, and pain. I accept what is coming because I gave her my heart.

 

I just wish I could get the love back that I had with her.

[gator12]

Lol look at my guide in my sig. It is my collection of experience in the matter and everything I have read about getting an ex back on this site. Honestly it will do you better than wasting money on books that will all tell you the exact same things people on here are going to tell you. And the problem is they usually specify a 30 day NC period, but it just doesn't work like that. NC shouldn't end until both parties have changed the behaviors that lead to the breakup, and you should never be the one to initiate contact. Just take a look at my guide, it'll be helpful. Stay strong man,

 

-Gator

[GreenPolicy]

 

The truth is I find what he says to be very difficult to accept for myself. I don't want to believe it ended for a reason and i'm better off without her.

 

If it hasn't been long since the b/u, then you are naturally harboring hopes of getting back together. That is a normal coping mechanism early before the full magnitude of what has happened sets in.

 

 

Not everyone is built to take these events well.

 

Breakups suck, no getting around that.

 

For me, I suspect there will be long periods of anguish, and pain. I accept what is coming because I gave her my heart.

 

Yes, there will be. Exercise regularly, go full NC, surround yourself with family and friends, read up on relationships and spirituality, stay away from drugs/alcohol, throw yourself into your hobbies. After three months of nothing happening on the reconciliation front, feel free to dip your toes into the dating scene again. Right now that is of course the furthest thing from your mind and it's distasteful to even think about.

 

It's okay to be in pain and feel grief, but don't let it control you. If you're religious, go to church. If not, find a therapist/counselor or a 12-step program. I'm at four months and change since my ex-fiancee called it quits. It still hurts quite a bit, but I'm starting to regain myself. These things take time. It's a process.

 

 

I just wish I could get the love back that I had with her.

 

Buddy, I'm right there with you, but the clock runs forward, not backwards. When you even think about reconciliation, you have to keep in mind that you would be tip-toeing on eggshells wondering when she would walk out again.

[rbitrage]

Thanks Gator, and yes I have read your guide and really like what it has to say.

 

I guess what it boils down to is having to face some facts and take some hard medicine right now. In december she suggested we take a break (cool off period as opposed to break up) to assess things. It was at that point i went into overdrive, when it was at that piont that i should have backed off like how NC worrks. At least the conversation later would be cleaner. Plus I went from the aloof guy who valued a lot of different things equally to 'oh no i realise how much i love you and i want to be with you so let's work on this'. in retrospect, that is where the disaster begin. It was so much more saveable then.

 

Now, i dont know.

 

And truth be told, I know this stuff has general ways that create optimal ways to heal or reconcile, but i guess there are also situations where this might be the worse thing you can do. ie, even if you said this is how it works 80% of the time, i would say but 20% of the time, it might be backfiring and i don't necessarliy know where i am in this stuff. Anyways, i really appreciate this forum, because as a guy i don't have a lot of friends i can talk to about this stuff, because they'll say move on a fk everything that moves to get over it.

[gator12]

Thanks Gator, and yes I have read your guide and really like what it has to say.

 

I guess what it boils down to is having to face some facts and take some hard medicine right now. In december she suggested we take a break (cool off period as opposed to break up) to assess things. It was at that point i went into overdrive, when it was at that piont that i should have backed off like how NC worrks. At least the conversation later would be cleaner. Plus I went from the aloof guy who valued a lot of different things equally to 'oh no i realise how much i love you and i want to be with you so let's work on this'. in retrospect, that is where the disaster begin. It was so much more saveable then.

 

Now, i dont know.

 

And truth be told, I know this stuff has general ways that create optimal ways to heal or reconcile, but i guess there are also situations where this might be the worse thing you can do. ie, even if you said this is how it works 80% of the time, i would say but 20% of the time, it might be backfiring and i don't necessarliy know where i am in this stuff. Anyways, i really appreciate this forum, because as a guy i don't have a lot of friends i can talk to about this stuff, because they'll say move on a fk everything that moves to get over it.

 

Soo true. Lmao my best buddy had his gf bring one of her good friends (who was gorgeous) with us to the hangout just to help me get over my ex. Hahah guy advice isn't always the best advice. Regardless yea NC isn't right for every situation, it all depends on the circumstances of the breakup. Most of the time though, it will prevent you from making a mistake that essentially kills the probability of a second chance.

 

It isn't about making a second chance happen, it is about you fixing yourself. And also getting you as far away from the ex as possible to leave things as good as possible for a future reconciliation preventing you from hurting whatever chance you have. It also gives them a chance to think and too miss you, in the end it does nothing to harm the chance of a second chance if it ever existed and gives both people the time to change and be ready for a new relationship, not version 2 of the first one.

 

-Gator