ubetcha Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Well, I recently found out that not only did my ex leave me for another woman and moved right in with her and her 2 children, but that he had been cheating for over 3 years with numerous different women. Most of them didnt even know he was dating or living with someone. I was NC for roughly 2 months before this but, couldn't let this go. I wanted him to know that I knew about all the affairs over the years. I could not allow him to think he had got away with them. (Well I guess he did get away with them but I did find out eventually obviously.) Anyway, I decided to text him and tell him I knew. I pretty much told him how disgusting he was and he actually had enough nerve to not only deny it, but tell me I was on crack? This coming from the man that still wanted to 'be a part of my life' after the breakup. Thank god I declined that offer months ago. I NEVER want to speak to or see him again. EVER. I am even going as far as to leave this town and move back to my hometown to make sure I dont have to be faced with him again. I am completely humiliated about all the people that knew this was happening and even more humiliated he was able to do all this without me catching on. To the people in situations like mine; did you actually remain in contact with scumbags like this? Or, have you ever had serial cheaters contact you down the line to apologize or otherwise? IF they did contact you, did it make you feel any better? My problem is, I have no closer. None. Thats all I really want. I just want an honest apology for what he did. Its the most disgusting, trashy, pathetic thing you can do to someone and I wanted to know if they ever realize that. He must know how much I hate him. At this point, I wouldn't even respond if he did contact me but, I would appreciate him at least accepting his mistakes and giving me a bit of closure. Anyone in a situation like this?
geegirl Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I don't quite understand. You said you NEVER want to speak or see him again. Then, you should not care about whether anyone remains in contact with their scumbags. Scumbags don't add to your life. It is a big enough reason to just move on and NC. Closure must come from you. He is not going to give it to you nor can you expect it from him. You're seeking what you would hope a person of good moral character would extend. He's not a person of good moral character. Don't expect him to apologize. He won't. And even if he did, what would an apology mean from someone that cheats and lies. Would his apology carry any meaning/worth -- change the situation, lessen your pain, paint him in a better light, erase all the other women, validate your worth, soothe a bruised ego, etc.? I know I wanted an apology for all those reasons. Betrayal is very hard to deal with. It crushed me. My ego was battered. My heart was smashed. I wanted to feel that he at least cared enough for me to be honest and remorseful. I never got it. With time and no contact, it now doesn't matter to me anymore. Yes, I still get a little twinge once in awhile but it's much easier to get over it knowing that the type of man I am dealing with is not worth any emotion, maybe except a small hint of pity. His cheating has nothing to do with you. It's who he is. It's how he is made. Closure is telling yourself that his actions are his and that it doesn't define who you are or your self worth. He can't be honest in every sense of the word so please don't expect an "honest apology". Move on with your life. Find closure from within. You are better off. 1
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