TenAlps Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Following up to this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260027/ After a few weeks I learnt that my ex entered a relationship with somebody he had been hanging out with and txting lots before we broke up. However he seems to be hiding it, and I only found out by accident. Anyway... Now I have had a couple of text messages since the break up asking me for random info like phone numbers. Nothing other than when he wants something. He came over to pick up some mail (he had ignored the text I sent him about the mail for a week, but then randomly asked if he could collect it on msn). We spoke for nearly 2 hours in person about random stuff (work etc) when he had initially said he was coming for a 'flying visit'. We both seemed to enjoy the chat. He mentioned he was going to collect some stuff from his friends house with his dad collecting him (an hours drive away - he moved down here to be with me then split..). And I offered to drive him back as it is literally my route home from work. We also spoke about maybe meeting up for a drink or just hanging out some time, and it seemed really positive. I haven't heard from him since that day (a week ago). The day he said he was going to get his stuff is tomorrow, and I haven't heard if he wants a lift. He came on msn for an hour but didn't chat to me (I have stopped initiating contact because I am left hanging for hours/days and it kills me inside). I want to text and ask if he wants the lift.. but chasing him for a favour he wants is bad. I know the lift would be ideal for him, so if he doesn't want it.. what does it say. :/ I don't know if he will contact me tomorrow which is stressing me. I also think it is such a shame he only contacts me when he wants something. I wonder if this will change with time. We have only been split less than 2 months. I feel pathetic even writing all this. I sound needy and awful, but I love him and would do anything for him. I can't help but hope he may want to reconcile in the future when he sees what a great relationship we had (he left me for a fast-food worker he knew for 2 weeks because it was the first bit of attention he got other than me). I just want to tell him how I feel about missing him, but that would make me look bad, and he has to conclude himself about what he wants in life. It's all just ripping me apart inside. NC is all well and good, but I don't want to ignore any messages I get from him, and I don't want to look bitter. Thanks for any advice. Edited February 16, 2011 by TenAlps
depplover_1980 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Have you always let him wipe his feet on you, or is this a new thing he has recently started doing? Your whole post screams 'doormat' and the saddest part is that you kind of know that because 'you feel pathetic even writing this' and are defensive to 'no contact' because you know what is coming... Honestly this guy has left you for someone else, only contacts you when he wants something and avoids you. Could he be anymore disrespectful to you? Really? If this was your best friend being treated like this what would you tell her? You would tell her that she is worth much more, so much more and that her boyfriend had changed as a person and was a jerk. You need to wise up and open your eyes to the harsh truth, which is that he does not want you anymore and has shown zero respect for you and all you've done for him. I would seriously advise you to start looking out for yourself now and protect your heart and start looking at why you are so fantasic, not that loser. He deserves nothing less than no contact and certainly not favours of any kind!!!
Author TenAlps Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks for the reply. During our relationship he was always quick to reply to contact (in fact he didn't like it if I didn't reply to him). I wouldn't say I was a total doormat, but he was sometimes ungrateful for things. You are right that he has changed. I never could have imagined this. Because he is young for his age (19) I am pretty sure he has just flown off like a magpie to the first shiny thing that came his way. He obviously didn't appreciate the total devotion and love I had for him, the security and care I gave him and that I spoilt him rotten. I really do think that given time, he would realise that people that care for you as much as I did don't come around every day. I was his first long term relationship, first love and more. Only experiencing a few knocks will show him what he had. He knew I was saving to buy a flat which we could have moved into, and that he basically would never have to worry about anything for the rest of his life. I supported him totally when he lost his job, helped him found a new one and paid for almost everything. We spent such good quality time together, I wonder if he took it all for granted. I'm not exactly old (25), but I went to uni, got a good job and know that I want security in my life. I think most people eventually want the same things.. so I wonder if he will ever come back in the future. I loved him because he inspired me to be more emotional and open, his personality was opposite to mine in good ways (e.g. he got bored quick, so I had fun taking him to new places and doing new things I might never have done otherwise. He loved making romantic gestures like leaving love notes on my car, which in turn made me want to do more of the same. He loved learning and I loved explaining.. etc.). Just was so nice. :'(
depplover_1980 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Well you know what you are never going to lose those memories and no one will ever take them away. You just discussed some great things about how the relationship made you feel as a person, well you need to cling onto those things positively, so that you take something away from it all. You need to grieve the ending and that he has changed and that your life is now moving onto another period. It is time for you to start the dreaded (but actually not that bad!) no contact for your own wellbeing and confidence. Plus we've all been there and care.
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