XEnglishRoseX Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I finished with my boyfriend of 5 years 5 days ago, we had been arguing quite a bit and at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. It's been a week since I last saw him now and I miss him like crazy! After the split I sent him an angry text which I regretted sending and a couple of days after I apologised to him. Both of these texts he ignored anyway, and I know I'm being so pathetic but I sent him one today saying can we meet up to exchange our stuff we have of each others. He hasn't replied and I'm not sure if he will. I really regret ending it and I want to initiate us sorting things out, I know that asking him about my stuff isn't really the right way to go about it but I'm worried I'll make a fool of myself Can anyone recommend to me what I can do? I'm really unhappy with the way things have gone. Do you think I should swallow my pride and ask if we can talk and be open. Or play it cool and see if I can get him to meet me and see how he behaves towards me? Thanks for any advice
brokendreamz Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 If you really (and I mean you are REALLY) sure you want him back then you need to do ALL the ground work. I am in the opposite position to you - She broke up with me and although I REALLY want her back, I wouldn't take her unless she almost begged me - that way I would feel pretty sure she REALLY wanted me and was coming back for the right reasons! Good luck
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Yep broken said it right. Most cases we see on these forums are dumpees receiving texts from their ex, such as those you have sent. They say a range of things from "hi", "how are you", to "can we meet up for coffee" etc. The advise of people here is that these messages are just self-validation for the dumper, ego stroke, checking they're still hanging on, etc. If you really want to get back together then you have to swallow your pride, apologize for what you've done, and tell him in no uncertain terms that you want to try again.
Author XEnglishRoseX Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks for the advice, your both right. I have sent him a text saying I would like to see him to talk and I hate the fact we left things on bad terms and I don't know how he feels about me anymore. I asked him if he would like to talk or if he thinks we should leave it. Not heard anything yet, I thought I might call him this evening if I don't get a reply so I can at least ask him why he's not speaking to me. If nothing comes of that I will just have to accept it's over I understand that by not replying he's pretty much making his decision there but I do want to know what I've done that's so bad he couldn't bring himself to answer! All I can do is hope he will reply, so I know if I have a chance or I need to move on...
Graceful Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 What actually happened? You were in a 5 year relationship and you broke it off that suddenly? I find it hard to believe everything was hunky dory until recently. There must have been other issues that made these final arguments lead you to your decision. How old are the two of you? You were together 5 years, so there has to be more to it. Without more information about why you broke up with him, I don't think we can give you any meaningful advice. Sorry.
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I asked him if he would like to talk or if he thinks we should leave it. Ah, again, look at it from his side. If someone were to post on this forum asking what should I do, my GF dumped me and said she wants to talk... 99% of replies would say, "Ignore it! She is playing with you!". You need to be more proactive. Tell him you want to try again. I understand that by not replying he's pretty much making his decision there but I do want to know what I've done that's so bad he couldn't bring himself to answer! You dumped him. You made the decision. Now if you want to take it back you have to put in some effort, that means not just throwing him a few crumbs of hope, put in a REAL effort to get him back and make up for what you've done. What's the worst that can happen, he says no.
Author XEnglishRoseX Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 We are both 20 so were each others first loves. There was nothing too specific he was being selfish a lot of the time, not being supportive, we were bickering about silly things, he has a friend who I can't stand who was continuously trying to get him to go clubbing which I didn't like as his friend is single and chases after anything with a pulse. We had a row because his friend planned a lads night out on the Saturday before valentines day on the Monday, which upset me as I work Monday and Tuesday early in the morning so we had already arranged to go out at the weekend and go for a meal and to a few pubs. I asked him not to go, which he refused and I just lost my temper and ended it. I think it was just a step to far for me, he wasn't considering me, he was putting his mate first. I regret it now, because we always had a laugh together and got along well and he means the world to me. I can see now that how I was behaving was unfair, I was being moody and argumentative. I want him to give us another chance but I don't know what to say? Im scared he will turn me down and I feel like I'm pestering him as he's ignored my texts. I just want him to know I want him back and I can see where I was going wrong. He's my first boyfriend and I miss him loads.
Graceful Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This is a tough one, Rose, because this is your first and only BF ever and you got together at a very young age. The relationship may have run its course for him, you know, and you might have given him his freedom, something he may have wanted for a long time. He might be very confused right now, as he has feelings for you, but is also feeling like a weight is off his shoulders, as the issues you had with him have to do with his ability to go out and have fun without you. Look, you broke up with him and he's ignoring you. This is why you need to consider where he is coming from right now and give him some space. All you can do is see if he responds to you, and if not, leave him alone. He put his mate first, that's true, and that might be the writing on the wall you need to read right now. This was his way of rebelling against you, and it's hard to know if he wants that permanently or not. Leave him be for now. I don't think chasing after him and pestering him is going to do your cause any good. Wait it out a bit longer. Then decide if you want to call or write him and tell him that you acted in the heat of the moment that night, apologize and want to see him ... but again, I'd wait a bit longer before doing that. You're the one who has to do the back pedaling on this, has to put in the effort, and have to be ready to listen to him, too. It doesn't sound like he's ready or willing to let you in right now, and it will only annoy him if you keep trying. You need to choose very wisely when to make your next move, don't throw it away. Hang in there. We are both 20 so were each others first loves. There was nothing too specific he was being selfish a lot of the time, not being supportive, we were bickering about silly things, he has a friend who I can't stand who was continuously trying to get him to go clubbing which I didn't like as his friend is single and chases after anything with a pulse. We had a row because his friend planned a lads night out on the Saturday before valentines day on the Monday, which upset me as I work Monday and Tuesday early in the morning so we had already arranged to go out at the weekend and go for a meal and to a few pubs. I asked him not to go, which he refused and I just lost my temper and ended it. I think it was just a step to far for me, he wasn't considering me, he was putting his mate first. I regret it now, because we always had a laugh together and got along well and he means the world to me. I can see now that how I was behaving was unfair, I was being moody and argumentative. I want him to give us another chance but I don't know what to say? Im scared he will turn me down and I feel like I'm pestering him as he's ignored my texts. I just want him to know I want him back and I can see where I was going wrong. He's my first boyfriend and I miss him loads.
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