brokendreamz Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Well! After 8 years my Fiance has left me. We were fine for the first 5 years or so but I grew complacent and although she gave me plenty of (admittedly very suttle) hints that she wasn't happy I ignored her feelings and plodded on regardless. Looking back now I can see how distant I had become, we had a lovely house, decent jobs, nice cars and were engaged but I stressed out about everything from who should come to the wedding to wether I actually love her or not and to be honest I wasn't happy in my own skin. I'd put on weight and worried about her cheating on me - I felt ugly and unloveable. I've never been the most social person and always tried to avoid going out with her friends which I know upset her, but I had lost alot of confidence after distancing myself from my own friends - kidding myself that all I needed was her and our beautiful house (which is now for sale!) I became withdrawn, moody, moaned at her all the time and got frustrated with her when she'd get home from work and want to off load about her day etc. How stupid was I, I totally took her for granted and I know she tried her hardest to make it work, but when I didn't try at all and couldn't pull myself out of the rut I was in she'd quite rightly had enough and left! It's been 6 weeks now and I'm afraid I didn't do the no contact thing (WISH WISH WISH I'd come accross this site before now!!!) and have chased and chased her, trying to reason with her, promise I've changed and pead with her to try again but (not surprisingly) she has turned me down saying she wants to do her own thing now and she no longet feels the same way. She loves me 'but not like that anymore!' I'm devistated! lost the love of my life and my best friend (only friend!) now I feel so low and lonely. The worst thing is - I know it's ALL my fault. Sure she could have spelt it out for me when she wasn't happy, but who'd want to be with someone who can't pick up on their soul mate's feelings?! She really is an amazing and strong person - I only want her to be happy but the thought of her being happy without me is a real Killer! I don't think she's met anyone else yet, but I know it's only a matter of time - don't know what I'm going to do when that happens, she still wants to be friends but not sure I can do that. Phew - just writing this is helping! - sorry if I've gon on a bit but I don't have anyone else to talk to! :0(
fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 sometimes the hardest lessons come with hurt and regret. you don't know what you have until it's gone. you don't open your eyes and see yourself for who you really are until you are alone. You know what made the relationship fail so now work on yourself to fix those problems and prevent them from ever coming up again in the future. You have to start from scratch now and own up to your mistakes. Maybe try reconnecting with the friends you alienated yourself from. You need long term friends with you even when you have a partner. It is absolutely essential to have friends who will be there for you and even tell you when you're doing the wrong things. Now pick yourself up. Go out to the gym. Join sites where you can connect with people. Try to get in touch with your old friends if you still can. For your own sake you have to disappear on her for a while in order to get over her. If you want to remain friends with her, tell her that you need time with that and then stop contacting her.
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