Hote204 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hi I left my abusive ex months ago and after a final declaration of him being sorry and breaking his heart yesterday (and a rather expensive gift) i feel i've turned a corner today. I think i am beginning to see through all of the deception. He claims to love me more than anyone else in the world..yeh thats why you called me a f**king bitch! He actually bought his aftershave with him and sprayed me with it..to remind me of how i loved him. I am starting to realise that this man was just crazy! It helps me to get a spin on things if i list what he did. Here's a taster of the delights i've witnessed: 1. When we fought he was eating a meal and he got mad. He stuck the fork in his face to stop the fight. It drew blood. 2. He wrote a list of the women he had slept with..and my name was on it 3. We were driving in my car and we bickered about something. I was doing 80mph and he yanked the steering wheel and swerved us across 3 lanes of traffic. He then paced the hard shoulder for 20 mins 4. Constantly flirted with other women online (actually cheated 6 months into the relationship) 5. Tells me i should have a boob job 6. Meant to have pulled a knife in his ex (not confirmed..but probable) 7. Messaged his ex saying he hoped she had not got married as he would have "missed the boat"! 8. Threw my shoes into the field next door when we argued 9. used to pinch my nose closed when i was asleep so i would wake up petrified that i couldnt breath! What i dont get is the "cruel jokes said with a laugh and a smile". Its madness, you know they have insulted you but as they said it smiling, it makes it ok!?? Yesterday he was sobbing like a baby, saying he hates himself and that he screws everything up. Yes you did Mr, and you will never get as good as me again. Bye bye!!! He wants us to go to counselling but i feel like i hate him. I dont care if he gets better, he has trampelled all over my heart for the last 2 years! I KNOW i will get through this and the man i idolised is nothing but a piece of crap. I just cant believe i have been in this mess for so long. Sure we had good times. Great holidays, laughs and nice meals but jeez, how did i get here!? He's a top womeniser and i pity the girl who has him next. Manupulative waste of time. I actually hate him. Just hope he leaves me alone and stays gone. AND TO BOOT..HE IS A POLICEMAN!!!!!! K
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I left my abusive ex months ago Yes you've definitely done the right thing, consider yourself reassured
Author Hote204 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks, i was looking for someone to slag him off with. Its makes me feel better when i realise just how bad things were
Rose T Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks, i was looking for someone to slag him off with. Its makes me feel better when i realise just how bad things were You have definitely done the right thing! He sounds like a real piece of work... pick your shoes out of the field next door and keep running...
cerridwen Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 **Standing up clapping** Hote! You are a powerhouse!! There are women reading your post who are trying to find the clarity you've reached. How did you do it? What have you been telling yourself or doing to reach this point?! Excited for you!! You 100% did the right thing!!!
Graceful Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Hote, It hurt to read about how you were treated by your ex. You have my complete support and assurance you did the right thing! Are you kidding? He is a very, very sick individual; controlling, manipulative, cruel, demeaning, critical, hurtful, and all around batsh*t crazy. A total whack job. I have seen many accounts of abusive relationships, and until you see it, or think about it, you would not believe that one of the chief occupations that abusers have is that of a police officer. !! Yes, it's true. Women just expect a police officer to be the upstanding, moral type of man, and so the abuse can be confusing at the beginning. But the mind set of the police, and the way they are trained, can make them very cold, calculating and controlling individuals, when the traits become pathological. What i dont get is the "cruel jokes said with a laugh and a smile". Its madness, you know they have insulted you but as they said it smiling, it makes it ok!?? This right here is one of the most manipulative behaviors -- and telling the "victim" (you) that he "was just kidding" and "didn't mean anything" -- that you are taking him too seriously. Right? All done with a smile so he can twist everything around and put it on you. Sick, sick, sick. Yesterday he was sobbing like a baby, saying he hates himself and that he screws everything up. Yes you did Mr, and you will never get as good as me again. Bye bye!!! He wants us to go to counselling but i feel like i hate him. I dont care if he gets better, he has trampelled all over my heart for the last 2 years! The sad thing is, he really does hate himself, he knows he has a problem, but has no idea how to stop it, he needs help, but will probably never get it (he's a police officer!!) because he can't admit it and it would ruin his career. But he's not your problem, and that's all you should focus on. Are you getting any support? Sounds like you need to vent some of your anger and get it out of your system. It makes sense that you would feel a sense of hatred for him, he did a number on your head. Hope you get the support you need. Stay strong, you have extricated yourself from a very sick person, and you did the right thing, oh, did you ever do the right thing!! Take care.
Author Hote204 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks you guys!? I always knew i was in a pile of crap when i was with him but how he told me "it wasnt as bad as i thought" and "come on babe, i love you" choked me everytime and i stayed. Ive now realised, because he was so cold in day to day life, those moments of love (usually AFTER he had hurt me or screwed something up) was all just bullcrap. Surely, if you love someone, you dont treat them like this in the first place!? I love my family and friends and would NEVER treat people like this. NEVER EVER would i make someone feel and he did me! I think he does hate himself and for that, i am truely sorry because for real, i loved this man. More than i have ever loved anyone else but damn it, i'm sick of being his emotional punchbag. When he's done..i have to be dragged down with him. Sorry, i am ranting and yes, i need an outlet but i feel like ive been set free from some of the worst years of my life. cerridwen - this is how! I wrote a list (which span over 3 pages) of all of the things he did that made me cry. Most of it involved him messaging the other women (rather than the violence which i havent figured out yet!). I looked at it every single hour for the first 4 days. Then, i just realised - who is he to do this to me?? My family and friends have been amazing and i have relied on them to tell me i am doing the right thing. I began to see through all his crap, when he was saying he was sorry blah blah..i thought no your not. If you were, you would not have kept doing the same thing over and over to me. i sort of then just ended up thinking "screw him" lol. Try it, i hope it works for you. When you start to see it all written down..the reality of it dawns on you BIG TIME!
betterdeal Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I strongly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing/dp/0471454036 You have done the best thing possible in the circumstances. Now deal with your own happiness and be very kind to yourself.
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