fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 this is bullsh*t. no, not the fact that my ex is already dating someone within three months of dumping me and trying to hide it. no. that's not it. it's understandable and to be expected that exes who are away at college have a smorgasbord of chicks to choose from and they WILL choose and go out with one who is probably cooler than you. but why the F##K did i have to find out????? I got rid of my facebook!!!! Threee months ago! Got rid of it, deleted it!!! I am depressed. When my first ex broke it off with me, myspace and facebook were around then too, but i didn't find out he was dating someone until after the fact i was over him. I took specific precautions to prevent what I'm posting about now. SPECIFIC PRECAUTIONS. I don't talk to the mutual friend ever and the news, like f**king magic, still somehow finds a way to me. :lmao: i feel like sh*t. i feel so f##king sh*tty. i probably deserve this. maybe it is karma or something. oh god. so much pain. she dresses like me and is probably so much better than me. she has longer hair too. he told me that i would look better with longer hair. this makes me feel really low.
flitzanu Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 that really sucks. i had that situation happen about 3 days after my final breakup. nothing like buying an engagement ring, a girl saying no, and then realizing two days before she's already making lovey comments with another.
Bateman Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 How did you find out!? I'm sorry it happened, but what actually happened?
Duckduckgoose Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 News always has that dirty way of getting to you. Its like the flu... you're gonna get it whether you like it or not.
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 i am in so much anguish right now my chest hurts. i feel sick to my stomach. and i'm feeling shame too for some reason. flitzanu: i am so sorry about your situation. i now realize people are able to do the cruel things they do because they never really cared to begin with. and they were wasting our time until the right person for them came along. i don't talk about my ex to my mutual friend or anyone who knows my mutual friend. But my mutual friend's friend passed me by today and i didn't even talk about my ex to her and she voluntarily gave me the good news
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 News always has that dirty way of getting to you. Its like the flu... you're gonna get it whether you like it or not. but it sucks! when my first ex broke up with me, i didn't hear anything about him. ever. and i knew people that knew him too. this situation seems to be magical because fate somehow NEEDED me to know that my ex is dating another girl so soon and i meant NOTHING to him.
0hpenelope Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This will pass too, fiat. You've made beautiful progress - it just doesn't feel like you have. The baby steps are small victories and they're victories. I hope you got your mind off of this somehow. How'd you do today, besides this sad news?
Lemontang Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Take heart Fiat500 that this is likely just another one of his rebounds. You mentioned in the past you were his rebound as he still had feelings for another. It could be still just that, be it for the girl before you, or even you yourself. Either way you gave more than he ever did. I mean would you really want him back anyway after what he put you through?
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 0penelope, thank you. i was actually semi okay today until i heard my friend break the news to me and show me a picture too. the new girl is everything i'm not and probably way more awesome than i am. his dream girl. right now i've momentarily stopped feeling shame and infinite sadness and just feel numb. can't really sleep. Lemontang, i think he just didn't care about me and was never emotionally invested. he dumped me over facebook messenger like i was a piece of sh*t while i gave him nothing but respect. my ego is shattered. i am easily replaceable while he gets a happy ending. i think if i dumped someone the way he dumped me, i would never be able to get a happy ending. but i guess he is special or something.
Lemontang Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Unless I was posted on the other side of the world or country with no direct phone coverage as a minimum only then would I break up with someone over mail and even then I could only do it as a last resort. I'm a strong believer in doing it in person at the very least it shows you respected the relationship enough to give it proper closure. Heck I even did that to a girl who used to treat me like crap and had not even enough respect for herself. He clearly didn't have that kind of respect for yours. But take solace that people as shallow as that usually get their just desserts. Karma has a funny way of playing out on people in the funniest of way. Heck for all he knows this dream girl could be a pre op transgender (Queue Boy George singing the Crying Game) or worst yet an unknown sister. ( oh I kill me sometimes I know) So like they say there are plenty more fish in the sea (side note POF is a really bad dating site, very creepy people). So stop wasting your time pining over some loser, get back on your horse and meet some people. I did and I have to say I had a real blast in doing it too. 2010 started out as the worst year of my life only for it to quickly became the best when I did just that. Time to make 2011 yours.
raincheck Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 omg. the post awful part of this situation is the negative way you are talking down to yourself. are you kidding me? "she is probably so much better than me?" i feel like it is our natural instinct to assume that whoever our ex dates next is a million times better than us-- but no one person is better or worse than another, especially because of how they look (and if your ex is that superficial, all the more reason to be glad you are rid of him). i also think people who say "don't worry, i'm sure it's just a rebound" are also fooling themselves.. the reality is, that some relationships just do not work. and then we (and our exes) find relationships with other people that DO work. these new relationships aren't necessarily "better" than our past ones on a linear scale-- but they might be a better fit, for whatever reason. and-- isn't that what we want? to find something that works, because clearly, what we had, didn't work? just because your ex found that first.. doesn't mean you never will or that you need to beat yourself up over it. that girl may be a better fit for your ex than you were. that doesn't mean she is a better person. you will find someone who is better FOR YOU, as well-- and it wont matter if they are better or worse on any other scale, as long as they are better FOR YOU, as a partner. we need to remember that we want to find the best RELATIONSHIP for ourselves. not necessarily the best PERSON. so just keep that in mind, tell yourself that someone is out there for you who will be better for you-- who will certainly keep your happier and love you in a better way-- and forget the rest. you'll be fine.
0hpenelope Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 He's not special, fiat. You'll recover from this, I know you will. It's just tough right now and quite frankly, based on what you told lemontang about how your ex dumped you, I feel sorry for the girl he's with because she has no idea how he's like. If he hasn't taken the time to re-evaluate himself or made changes and instead, got into a new relationship, you bet he's going to treat her the way he treated you. People who don't change bring into the new relationship what their exes put up with, the good and the ugly. The ugly is the stuff that's just too painful to evaluate and look at to fix and learn from, so it stays with them until they're pushed to make changes. Some people are just like that. Fortunately for you, you're rid of all of his junk. Good luck to new girl, because she's going to need it.
raincheck Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 p.s. it doesn't sound like you are missing much or that she's getting the boyfriend of the year. psh
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 i never once thought that this new relationship of his is a rebound. his last statement to me was that his feelings had changed. it's the better fit thing too. that's why i can't believe that he will treat new girl the way he treated me. he disrespected me and treated me like crap the moment after he went away to college. since she is closer to him and they will see each other on campus a lot, he will not lose respect for her and therefore not treat her like sh*t. i don't know about karma. some people can bypass it.
raincheck Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 you seem determined to put his new relationship (and this new girl) in the most positive light and to be resentful. it's just unkind to yourself. have some compassion for yourself and remember that what he does now doesn't matter to you.. and certainly bears no judgment on you. who is she? who cares! what matters is that he was a horrible boyfriend, you had a relationship that clearly you see was flawed and unhealthy, and that you are now resolved to look for and to find something better. be positive; it makes a world of difference
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 it's hard not to be resentful? not when you care and respect someone and they go and dump you over text and find someone else and are all peaches and rainbows now while you're still trying to get up from the ditch full of crap that they threw you in. also i'm not going to kid myself and pretend it won't work out. i've heard many stories where people are dumped in the most disrespectful way ever and their exes are still with the person they left them for. i'm just acknowledging the dismal truth. i was treated like crap and that's the way it is. there is no reward for being true but there is no punishment either for making someone feel terrible.
flow15 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I feel exactly the same way.. My ex left me 3 weeks ago... And I am struggling to cope so much, purely because he ended it in may, came back in august, ended it after 2 weeks, came back in january and ended it after a day. He treated me like a piece of garbage, picking me up and throwing me away whenever he felt like without taking into consideration my feelings. And I let him because I loved him and thought what we had was special. Anyway I removed him from facebook and his friends back in september, it was his birthday yesterday and obviously valentines day on monday, so these past two days were really tough for me as last year we had spent them together.... and photos still managed to creep up on my facebook home page of his night out, and theres a girl in the photos and they are all over eachother in about 60 photos.... she looks so trashy and ugly and isnt his type at all!!! So it clearly is just sex.... but why would he have her by his side all night on his birthday, she obviously means something... and it kills me. I've been up all night thinking about the two of them... if he likes her more than he liked me, if shes better in bed etc etc..... He told me he loved me so much and what we had was special, but it couldnt have been because he threw me away and moved on without even blinking. I too wish he would get what he deserves, I want him to be punished for putting me through all this pain... but he seems happier than I've ever seen him!! Its not fair! All I did was love him and treat him so well and with respect, and thats what I get?? I hope he will get his karma one day, because this isn't fair. I wish I could have a go at him, I want to call him every name under the sun... but I know that wont do any good. The best thing is to just try to ignore it, act like you don't care... and try to forget and move on.. Even though its the hardest thing ever. But we are far better off without them and we have to feel sorry for these girls, cos they will just treat them the same way they did us eventually
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 couldn't sleep at all. had a whopping total of three hours of sleep. feel like it's back to the first day of the breakup. feel sick to my stomach. chest hurts. woke up feeling anxious. flow15, so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. i wouldn't wish this on anyone. i don't even have the inclination to call my ex everything under the sun. i just feel like my heart has been ripped out and the ex took a huge dump on it while laughing. and even that is an understatement to the pain i am in right now...it is so easy to throw people away now because technology and college make it less difficult to pick up new boyfriends and girlfriends..i wish i could take this whole experience back and save myself the pain and degradation.
bslchump Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 couldn't sleep at all. had a whopping total of three hours of sleep. feel like it's back to the first day of the breakup. feel sick to my stomach. chest hurts. woke up feeling anxious. flow15, so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. i wouldn't wish this on anyone. i don't even have the inclination to call my ex everything under the sun. i just feel like my heart has been ripped out and the ex took a huge dump on it while laughing. and even that is an understatement to the pain i am in right now...it is so easy to throw people away now because technology and college make it less difficult to pick up new boyfriends and girlfriends..i wish i could take this whole experience back and save myself the pain and degradation. fiat500, your situation and mine sound very similar. I had posted in my thread about maybe chatting with someone who had a similar story on AIM. Sometimes I need to say more than what I can post here for fear of her finding it, etc. I'm sure you'd like to vent as well and have a sympathetic ear that knows what you're going through. Would you be interested at all?
Author fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 hello bsl, i PMed you my AIM screen name
Nebula Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 It does suck. My guy treated me like crap for 2 years. When it ended he was so nonchalant about it, like, "don't get so stressed out, we can still be friends and it'll be fine and even better". He thinks we just weren't right for each other (which I agree with now ). He casually did this when he started making all these new female friends. Guess what happened? He's with one of them now. He didn't even like her like that at first, but she started seeking out for him, so he went for it. The lame thing is that this guy is so inmature that I'm sure one of the main reasons he became interested in her is because she plays in a band so it makes him feel "cool". I know he's not the guy for me, I know it was a big mistake to stick around for so long when he was never that nice to me, when I treated him SO WELL. In a way I think I fueled his behaviour by kinda making him feel it was ok to treat me like that because I would always be there for him anyway. The thing that bugs me is that HE'S SO NICE TO HER. Even before they actually got hogether he did these really special gestures that he never did for me. He always talked about how he hates public displays of affection, he was ALWAYS so cold with me when we were out, and with his ex he was a little better but still restraint. But with this girl the first night he makes a move he's touching her in front of everyone! (I wasn't there luckily). It's like he wanted all his new friends to know He's 28. I really didn't suspect he was a jerk because he was nice to his ex too, if anything he was kind of a doormat because she cheated on him so many times and everyone knew except him apparently (or so he says). And she was mean to him sometimes and I actually felt bad for him (we were just friends then). Then he's an ass to me, but now that he's with someone else he's to nice with her. So what gives? He says regardless I was his best friend ever and got to know him more than anyone in his life. So I'm left confused if I got to know the real him (that sucks) or I just brought out the jerk in him while he was the potential to be THAT nice. Because I could think he's making himself be better for her to woo her and then he'll revert back to jerk, but because he was also nice to the other girl I don't know. I know I shouldn't waste time on someone like this but it just leaves me sore. Like I know he was crappy and that sucks, but what was it about me that made him be an ass ONLY to me? Sorry, I needed to vent. I'm actually not doing that bad, I'm looking forward to working on myself and eventually meeting someone better (which shouldn't be that hard after him), but it just aches when you gave and loved someone so much and in the end they just walk out on you for someone else and are so much better to that person. I liked raincheck's first post.
Author fiat500 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) He's a coward. He can't be alone. Or he's afraid to be alone so he just leaps from relationship to relationship without ever learning and growing. Nothing is ever his fault. A mutual friend told me that he never took the blame for anything. That would mean he'd have to actually FACE himself and admit to doing wrong. And no, no, no..he is never wrong or a douche. He's a good guy and no one else can tell him otherwise. To him you're not supposed to work at relationships. They just come naturally and the moment you have to put in work, it's over. Have fun with my clone. She will never be me or as fun as I was. Hope she reads comic books. Oh, that's right I introduced you to comics since before you used to read just crappy manga. Also hope she gives you back massages and makes you a picnic without you asking. Hopefully this time your picnic will have chicken tempura, udon, sake, and other japanese crap as opposed to the measly american sandwiches, cupcakes, and ginger ale i brought you. Bitch. ファックユー ! Edited February 17, 2011 by fiat500
flow15 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 He's a coward. He can't be alone. Or he's afraid to be alone so he just leaps from relationship to relationship without ever learning and growing. Nothing is ever his fault. A mutual friend told me that he never took the blame for anything. That would mean he'd have to actually FACE himself and admit to doing wrong. And no, no, no..he is never wrong or a douche. He's a good guy and no one else can tell him otherwise. To him you're not supposed to work at relationships. They just come naturally and the moment you have to put in work, it's over. This sounds exactly like my ex! He could never admit he did something wrong, infact the many times he hurt me and I cried to him and told him he was breaking my heart, he was like, 'I've done nothing wrong!'.... He too doesnt think your supposed to work at relationships! hmm...interesting!! Theres somehting clearly wrong with our ex's.. the thing is mine doesnt leap from 'relationship' to 'relationship', with me he was in a relationship but with every other girl he will see a few times and will end it before it gets serious, and then move on to the next one... he can't commit, and he loves himself wayy too much, which is why he thinks he does nothing wrong.
silic0ntoad Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 People always have a reason for leaving, and when it comes down to it, if they leave for someone else, it's usually for one of two reasons: 1. Insecurities in the relationship they don't care to fix. 2. Shiny new product syndrome. In my experience, people who leave and immediately have a new guy/gal have been messing around with said guy/gal in the meantime before they decide to leave you. Your best bet? Let the anger out. Get mad. Get pissed off. She **** on your manhood, and he betrayed your feminine need of protection and providence. Just don't let it out to them. Ignore them. They will only stay as a weight to carry you down. No matter how HARD it is, NC is for all of your benefits. And, to my final point, you all have questions. I did, we all did. We all wanted to drown them with questions and understand why they are with him/her so quickly, etc. The answers will lead to only more questions. The liar cannot lead the blind to justice. DO NOT give in and ask questions; most of the time, they are too cowardly to be honest, and will talk in circles. Their reasons are their own and will only lead to more questions on your behalf.
Author fiat500 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 silic0ntoad: all your points make sense and say a lot about the person's character. but if they had insecurity issues with one person and don't care to fix them, won't they have the same problems with someone else? i know my ex is not really a man for doing what he did to me but for some reason my heart can't heal fast enough. My ex is not a man for what he did. i should be looking at him as if he were sexless really. but i am HURT that he replaced me. WHAT DOES THIS NEW GIRL HAVE THAT I DON'T. i cared about him as a person. as a PERSON. didn't care what he could bring me or how i could benefit from him. i loved him. respected him. enjoyed talking to his mom. was looking forward to spending more time and knowing him then next thing i know he dumps me over text. said he didn't want to call me. claimed he didn't have time for a girlfriend and wouldn't be dating for a while. then finds a replacement because he's in college and it's that simple.
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