Author Liebe Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 If you feel that is your best course of action, then that is what you should do. I don't really understand why you would wait that long, but then again, I don't have to understand it. Yes I think it is the best course of action for me. I wouldn't wanna be with him at this event after he read the letter, it will just significantly complicate things If you follow xpaperxcutx's advice and play games, you should keep in mind that playing games can backfire. But I am sure you already know that and if you believe it's worth the risk, you should be fine no matter the outcome. I think what xpaperxcutx meant was that I just have to find more friends and activities to get over him and having in the back of my head that he could eventually notice, is a little pusher! I am not intending to play games, it never works out and NO guy is worth so much afford! But IF somebody would tell me today this is what you do then you get him 100% I would, because I really want him, but there is no such thing .... unfortunately
daphne Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I agree with Dlish. I wouldn't send the letter. And she was spot on about how we teach people how to treat us. I would go further and suggest that what you are suffering from isn't really love at all, but rather limerance. 3 months is not really long enough to know and profoundly love a person, in my opinion. It's long enough to know you're physically attracted to someone. Also, limerance has an element of mystery and often dysfunction. There's usually one person who's emotionally unavailable or unhealthy, and the person attached to them is chemically infatuated. In my experience, that's not love and never ends well. I have had a couple of short term relationships end like that. I mistook them for love too. I wish I had understood then what I know now because I wasted a lot of time upset about it and stuck when it wasn't worth it.
D-Lish Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I am not giving him the letter to change his mind. I have realized that he will never love me. We have spent enough time together for him to realize what kind of person I am. If he still doesn't want me, then ... In the letter I am only explaining why I can't carry on what we have and that I also have to not see him for some time to get over the whole thing. It all hurts a lot, but carrying it on for too much longer, is driving me insane. You didn't offend me at all. I thank you for helping me Glad I didn't offend you:). I'd still advise against saying what you need to say in a letter. If you've already come to the conclusion that he doesn't love you, why prolong things and keep seeing him? Don't wait for this function, assert yourself now. Now that you've realized this isn't the best situation to be in, there is no better time than right now to cut ties with him. Don't make this break up into a big moment you need to work up to. Once you've made the decision, strike while you have the momentum. You're not doing yourself any favours by waiting for 23 days to attend a function with him and break up with him after. The bottom line is that you already know this isn't something that is good for you- so don't wait to put an end to it. Don't give him the satisfaction of telling him how you "feel" about him- just say "no", and walk away. He doesn't deserve to hear anything but good-bye. I agree with Dlish. I wouldn't send the letter. And she was spot on about how we teach people how to treat us. I would go further and suggest that what you are suffering from isn't really love at all, but rather limerance. 3 months is not really long enough to know and profoundly love a person, in my opinion. It's long enough to know you're physically attracted to someone. Also, limerance has an element of mystery and often dysfunction. There's usually one person who's emotionally unavailable or unhealthy, and the person attached to them is chemically infatuated. In my experience, that's not love and never ends well. I have had a couple of short term relationships end like that. I mistook them for love too. I wish I had understood then what I know now because I wasted a lot of time upset about it and stuck when it wasn't worth it. Well said.
Stockalone Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Glad I didn't offend you:). I'd still advise against saying what you need to say in a letter. If you've already come to the conclusion that he doesn't love you, why prolong things and keep seeing him? Don't wait for this function, assert yourself now. Now that you've realized this isn't the best situation to be in, there is no better time than right now to cut ties with him. Don't make this break up into a big moment you need to work up to. Once you've made the decision, strike while you have the momentum. You're not doing yourself any favours by waiting for 23 days to attend a function with him and break up with him after. The bottom line is that you already know this isn't something that is good for you- so don't wait to put an end to it. Don't give him the satisfaction of telling him how you "feel" about him- just say "no", and walk away. He doesn't deserve to hear anything but good-bye. I don't understand what's so bad about sending the letter, or telling him in person how she feels. I am not saying she has to do it instead of walking away right now, but from my point of view, the worst case scenario with the letter is that his reaction will let her know for sure that he can't or won't give her what she wants. If that is the case, she can still walk away from him. What do you mean with "don't give him the satisfaction of telling him how you "feel""?
Author Liebe Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 I agree with Dlish. I wouldn't send the letter. And she was spot on about how we teach people how to treat us. I would go further and suggest that what you are suffering from isn't really love at all, but rather limerance. 3 months is not really long enough to know and profoundly love a person, in my opinion. It's long enough to know you're physically attracted to someone. Also, limerance has an element of mystery and often dysfunction. There's usually one person who's emotionally unavailable or unhealthy, and the person attached to them is chemically infatuated. In my experience, that's not love and never ends well. I have had a couple of short term relationships end like that. I mistook them for love too. I wish I had understood then what I know now because I wasted a lot of time upset about it and stuck when it wasn't worth it. Love doesn't have time limitations, I have had these other relationships as well, where I thought it's love but it was just sexual attraction. But with him it is different, I don't know why and I can't explain it, but I am at an age where I surely can tell the difference between Love and sexual attraction. I wish it would be just the other one, it would make things way easier for me!
Author Liebe Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 So I gave him the letter last night and we talked. It's over and it hurts, but I know I did the right thing! Thank you for all of your input!!!
Stockalone Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 So I gave him the letter last night and we talked. It's over and it hurts, but I know I did the right thing! Thank you for all of your input!!! At least you know where you stand, and doing what you believe is the right thing makes it usually easier (at least IME) to deal with situations like that. Good luck.
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