Jlovestruckx0 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I'm trying to understand the feelings behind being in a committed relationship, but still wanting to experiment a threesome as a male. Im a female and i I don't personally fantasize over those kind of things, or even think about them , but recently my boyfriend has brought it to my attention that a threesome is something he wants to try. I am a jealous person, I admit to that. At first he explained to me how he pictured having the threesome with, basically penetrating me and the other female. I told him i was not at all comfortable with that, because I feel that he's mine, I only want him to be mine, I don't want to share him, and even worse, I don't want to watch him have sex and be attracted to someone else right in front of me! I don;t want to completely ruin his fantasy, but i'm scared that if I do try it he'll be more attracted to the other female, or not pay enough attention to me, leaving me with negative thoughts which will only drill into my head and drive me crazy for weeks! I suggested if he'd be satisfied with having a threesome but me and the other female fooling around in front of him rather than him touching her, and he asked if she could at least perform oral on him or something of that sort, but I can't even fathom the idea of that, I rather her just fool around with me and be done with it. I'm not bisexual or lesbian, but i don't mind sexual interaction with females although it's never gone passed kissing, but who knows. So fellows.... Why the need for a threesome if you and your girlfriend/or boyfriend are having great consistent sex? And would you be pleased with my terms, or would you feel cheated not being able to have sex with the other female/ or male? I need some insight on how to compromise with my boyfriend without ruining the experience for him, but keeping me comfortable and our relationship safe. Also does anyone have an opinion on how far into a relationship that it could be safe to experiment such things? Any female opinions ?Any suggestions? Help ?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I would advise against it if you're doing it merely for him and not because you're okay with it. There's a way to satisfy your partner and then there's just being a doormat. Also, a threesome means no emotional attachment with the third person. The only thing is getting into the perfect positions where everyone is getting off.
hopefully Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 If you don't want it, then it should be counted as cheating.
lululucy Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I personally had a threesome with my boyfriend at the time and one of my friends. It happened because we were all drunk but I had fun and I didn't really feel any jealousy. He wanted to, I thought it could be fun, we both took it lightheartedly. Buuuut as for your situation: If you have said no and he kept pushing you, and then you suggested an alternative and he refused and kept his bottom line.. do not not not compromise on the issue. You will only be incredibly hurt if this comes to fruition and it will poison your relationship. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea and nobody should pressure you into it.
snug.bunny Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I would be offended and hurt that he brought it up and wanted to actually go through with it. How about two hot guys with big penises get to penetrate you while he sits there and watches. Hey, it's only fair, right?
Knittress Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I think the guy sounds like a horny jerk. I can just seem him browbeating and wheedling while you're just sitting there trying to justify your discomfort. Of course you're uncomfortable! Why would you expect him to put your needs and feelings first during-and-after the threesome when he's so oblivious to them NOW? You are allowed your feelings. They are not uncool. If he tries to manipulate you by hinting otherwise, then he's just a manipulative piece of sh*t, and you should dump his ass for a boyfriend who has an ounce of sensitivity. And for the record - I am pro 'threesomes with horny men.' Two thumbs up. Would do again. I just don't like this situation.
SmileFace Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I can't really comment since I see no problem with it , but I have never had this offered from someone who was actually my boyfriend. I had it offered but I was comfortable with his terms,so I gave him mine. He wasn't pleased - but he never brought it up again because he know I wasn't comfortable with his terms. However, if it is not something you are comfortable with -do not and I repeat DO NOT do this for him. Yes, yes relationships are about sacrifices blah blah blah but it isn't about making one person unhappy. I don't want to be the ass to say you both may not be sexual compatible. However ,you both may just not be sexually compatible.
snug.bunny Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I can't really comment since I see no problem with it , but I have never had this offered from someone who was actually my boyfriend. I had it offered but I was comfortable with his terms,so I gave him mine. He wasn't pleased - but he never brought it up again because he know I wasn't comfortable with his terms. However, if it is not something you are comfortable with -do not and I repeat DO NOT do this for him. Yes, yes relationships are about sacrifices blah blah blah but it isn't about making one person unhappy. I don't want to be the ass to say you both may not be sexual compatible. However ,you both may just not be sexually compatible. I think it has less to do with being sexually compatible, but more so, her boyfriend is not sexually satisfied with just one person. In which case, he should not be in a monogamous relationship.
hopefully Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I think it has less to do with being sexually compatible, but more so, her boyfriend is not sexually satisfied with just one person. In which case, he should not be in a monogamous relationship. I agree with Bunny's perspective. He would eventually want an open relationship.
SmileFace Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I think it has less to do with being sexually compatible, but more so, her boyfriend is not sexually satisfied with just one person. In which case, he should not be in a monogamous relationship. I agree with Bunny's perspective. He would eventually want an open relationship. Wouldn't that mean that they are not sexually compatible?I am not saying they don't have good sex. I am saying that they have different goals sexually.Hence ,not being compatible
Knittress Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I still think he sounds like a jerk, regardless of his relationship-style.
snug.bunny Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Wouldn't that mean that they are not sexually compatible?I am not saying they don't have good sex. I am saying that they have different goals sexually.Hence ,not being compatible It means they are not compatible for a monogamous relationship. If they go through with it, it means that her self esteem is going to be shot to hell (if not already), and her boyfriend won't care about her feelings so long as he "gets off".
hopefully Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Wouldn't that mean that they are not sexually compatible?I am not saying they don't have good sex. I am saying that they have different goals sexually.Hence ,not being compatible If that guy wants an open relationship, then of course they are incompatible. It won't work out in the long run.
Jazzari Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Not just no, but hell no! I don't share. Period. If all three people are into it, then fine. Go for it. But you clearly aren't comfortable with the situation. This is not something I think you should compromise on.
SmileFace Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 It means they are not compatible for a monogamous relationship. If they go through with it, it means that her self esteem is going to be shot to hell (if not already), and her boyfriend won't care about her feelings so long as he "gets off". I don't know where in the op it says he doesn't want a monogamous relationship.However I only skimmed. I agree he doesn't want a sexual monogamous relationship but since this is a relationship - it is one in the same. Lets say, him wanting a three some implies that. Ok he doesn't want a monogamous relationship . She wants a monogamous relationship. So, that means, that they are not compatiible. Am I seeing this wrong?
snug.bunny Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I don't know where in the op it says he doesn't want a monogamous relationship.However I only skimmed. I agree he doesn't want a sexual monogamous relationship but since this is a relationship - it is one in the same. Lets say, him wanting a three some implies that. Ok he doesn't want a monogamous relationship . She wants a monogamous relationship. So, that means, that they are not compatiible. Am I seeing this wrong? I think you and I are seeing it the same way, our definitions are just different. But yes they are not compatible (at least in our views). In the end, its up to the OP what she views is/isn't acceptable in terms of compatibility.
aerogurl87 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I wouldn't do it. I'm also very "territorial" when it comes to my boyfriend and I would have lots of jealousy issues if I saw him having sex with another girl in front of me. On the same note though, I did express to him one day that I a fantasy of mine was having a threesome and being double penetrated. And well since my boyfriend refuses to share me, we came up with an alternative that would fulfill my fantasy without him having to watch another guy screw me. He'll penetrate me vaginally while we use either an anal plug or dildo in my bum. It's a win-win situation. So maybe you should ask him if there's an alternative that would work for him. Maybe some role play of some sort.
lenny Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This topic has recently been discuss between my partner and I. I've never done it, he has previously engaged in 2 guys 1 girl as well as 2 girls one guy. As a result of our conversation, we decided this is pretty much a closed door. I think I'd be too uncomfortable having another girl involved with us and he would be uncomfortable having another guy involved. Although both of us are very open to experimentation in our relationship, we just don't want to risk it. There are a lot of situations where even when a gal is bi-curious and eager to give this a try, it ends up screwing up the relationship. For my guy, I am fortunate that he has tried it so he wouldn't have this big fantasy to try this out. My fantasy is only passing curiosity and not a deal breaker for me to never go there. Your guy however seems to be overly pushing this. I would suggest that if you have the slightest twinge of discomfort to the idea, not to go there. If he can't respect this I think you could have a major problem.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Why the need for a threesome if you and your girlfriend/or boyfriend are having great consistent sex? And would you be pleased with my terms, or would you feel cheated not being able to have sex with the other female/ or male? I need some insight on how to compromise with my boyfriend without ruining the experience for him, but keeping me comfortable and our relationship safe. Also does anyone have an opinion on how far into a relationship that it could be safe to experiment such things? Any female opinions ?Any suggestions? Help ? Tell your BF he is a douche for even bringing this up. Tell him no to the threesome! It's a stupid idea.
sammyd Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 You've said you're a jealous person, so there's no way you should go ahead with this! I would never do this for that very reason. That's why fantasy's should stay exactly that.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I've never tried a threesome, and I had a gf years ago that liked experimenting and I suggested a threesome to her but after some thought she declined and I never brought it up again. I think it would take a certain personality, a certain mindset toward sex and experimentation, and the type of relationship two people have for a threesome situation to work. Obviously both parties need to have a strong connection to each other while still being open-minded to the new experience, yet not allowing the experience to ruin the relationship. I think it would be fun to try with either a friend I was really comfortable with who just wanted to fool around and try new things, or with a girlfriend/wife that I'm committed to for the rest of my life and is comfortable and eager to try new things sexually to open new doors for pleasuring experiences. That being said, as a guy I could see myself with reservations about another guy in the mix, but would obviously be open to another girl. However after more thought and being more comfortable and trusting of my gf, I could be willing to try adding a guy to the mix if we tried adding a girl at some point to, as a trade off, if it would make her happy.
Fondue Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 If you're a jealous person, then I wouldn't suggest trying it. It'll only build negativity, in my opinion. But with that said, if you come to be a bit open-minded I suppose, then it would only be fair if you were also given the opportunity to be in a threesome featuring two guys. I think that sounds about right. Can't h ave one without the other, is my belief! (I'm a guy who doesn't think sex is more than just an activity. So maybe my opinions are skewed a bit. Take it for what it's worth).
Gala Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 There are experiences that work better as fantasies than as reality. I think the threesome may be in that category for most people. It requires a great deal of honesty and clarity, and communication between two committed partners can be challenging even without bringing a third person into the dynamic. In a fantasy you don't get jealousy, uncertainty, insecurity. I was in a relationship a few years ago with someone who wanted to start doing threesomes after we'd only been dating a few months. We were just beginning to learn about each other, and there was a lot more to go. He really didn't seem to care about the development of the relationship, and was very into his own desires; mine clearly took a back seat (no pun intended). Many other problems with the relationship emerged around the same time, but the experience really soured me on any kind of openness to this possibility. As with the fostering of a rivalry in any other context, a third person can so readily be used as a way of getting back at/creating jealousies in a partner. I hope this is helpful!
Author Jlovestruckx0 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 the sex is fine though , or so i think, its not more of something he wants to always do , he imply told me its something he wants to try in his lifetime while hes young, as he says he wants to do it, either remember or regret it and just never again... but even as a one time thing , i hate the idea of another girl touching my boyfriend , this may sound bad but i feel like hes mine in a way. On one hand i feel like ok he just is curious as to how it is, a lot of guys feel that way, but on the other hand i feel like am i just not enough and i dont want to hold him back from experiencing anything so that later on he'll regret not doing it because he was with me -.- Does that really mean were not compatible when it comes to sex? we never have any problems and hes really not so out of touch with my feelings as it may seem, he says he probably wouldn't be able to do it either especially not with another guy... but i just know its something he wants to look back and be able to say he did once. he made it completely cler it was A ONE TIME kind of experiment. I mean im self conscious and jealous enough as it is , i dont like to share ):
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