Feeling empty

[hew]

I have been going through a rough time lately. I am only 17 and the world seems like a tough place to be in right now. Heres sort of what has been going on:

 

I had a best friend. I mean SUPER close, sister like, best friend. We swore we always had eachothers backs and would never stop being friends. We had a solid 3 year friendship of no fights, except little things here and there. But ever since my boyfriend broke up with me it made things worse. I had to deal with being harassed at school and people talking behind my back and i could take it. I already suffer from depression and it made things worse. I told my best friend i didnt want to be here anymore. She ended up telling her mom and called my mom. My mom left school to come get me and she drove me up to see my older sister who is always there for me. (3 hour drive)

 

Things were okay, but then my best friend started ignoring me and i could take it. her father one day called my mom at work and said i was not to be friends with her anymore. So i switched schools. Not what i wanted to do but something i had to do, i needed change in my life. I needed to move on.

 

My new school pretty much sucks. I have made friends but there nothing like my old ones. People are all druggies, and i have been getting into bad habits that arent like myself. Things i would usually do. My one friend constanly makes me feel bad, and the one thing she talks about is other people, and not in a good way. I feel so lonely and like i dont have anyone anymore.

 

I dont live with my dad. He has always treated my family like crap so its just me and my mom. and i recently broke off all contact with him. He has never been supportive of any of my decisions in life, and told me i was weak for switching schools. And when i sent him a long heartfelt e-mail telling him how i felt and that i didnt want to be part of his life anymore all he said was "goodluck without me" I have a wonderful mom but i feel like part of me is missing, and i can feel my depression sinking in again. I do have a consellor and antidepressants already.

 

I just feel like a lost cause somewhat. For some reason i am craving a boyfriend, maybe to feel like i have a man in my life. I think without my father thats why i always feel the need to have a boyfriend. I miss my best friend, i know it wasnt a good friendship looking back because we were almost too close. We are civil now, but nothing more.

 

What should i do? I cant switch schools again, although all the kids at my current school are rude and druggies and alll they talk about is "smoking dope" seriously... I just feel lonely and i need some advice.

 

Thank you

[thatsonlyme]

The first 4 words of your second sentence are something you should pay close attention to. You're only 17! That doesn't make your problems any less important or serious but this is just a beginning of your life! It may sound like a cliche but it's true.

 

The most important thing you have to do now is to stay away from drugs! It can take very little to get caught in a vicious circle but you have to be strong. Depression is a serious issue and you may need a professional help if you really feel like "you don' want to be around here anymore".

 

Throughout the years I felt alone and depressed numerous times, bad relationships, fake friends, changing schools even countries, starting my life over and over again... You just have to accept it and go with the flow. Things change and we're never ready for it when it comes but the only thing we can do is to look forward for the next best thing that is right around the corner!

 

The fact is, nobody wants to be around a depressed and unhappy person. Friends will stick around for a while when you're down, good friends will do their best to help you and be there for you but at some point they will draw a line and say enough! If that means that sometimes you have to fake happiness then do it! Try to find things that make you happy. Just never give up, accept everything that comes your way (except for drugs f course), even if you feel awkward going to the party where nobody knows you just go, put a smile on your face, ignore bullies and embrace people who want to hang out with you. Try to learn from your experiences. instead of thinking "what did I do wrong" try to think "how can I do it better"!

 

World is a tough place to be, but be sure that all those happy people you see around may not be as happy in the privacy of their own homes. We all have issues, fears and our inner struggles but ultimately the way you present yourself is the way people will perceive you. you can check my previous posts if you wanna se where I was only 6 months ago. It was a bad place, there was no light at the end of the tunnel but I pushed myself hard and I have made a tremendous progress. I was told recently by one of my new friends that I'm the most positive and happy person she's ever met. Now that was a compliment! Some people I met though I was 24 when I'm really 32! Hw did I do it you may ask? Willpower and nothing else. I faced issues I had directly and openly, threw myself into the fire, left aside problems I couldn't solve to deal with them later and now I feel like a whole different person.

 

You also have to realize that if you think you need a boyfriend to make you happy then you shouldn't have one! That will make you only more dependent and fragile and set you up for a new heartbreak and depression. You have to learn to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else. We all want to be loved and cared for but that should come after you find your inner peace. You should get a boyfriend because you want him, not because you need him. This is the first time I'm being alone in 10 years and to tell you the truth, I'm not in hurry to find anyone.

 

I could go on and on, but this post is already ling enough. I hope my insight will help you at least somewhat.

 

Wish you all the best and stay strong!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

First of all, it makes perfect sense that you find yourself craving a boyfriend.

 

No doubt male *attention* is easiest to locate and identify (while being hardest to harness only for good purposes).

 

If dad is so antagonistic then it likely seems quite the curiosity that *some* males can seem the source of so much gratification.

 

 

I think your best friend was probably quite responsible in telling your mother when you mentioned dangerous thoughts that were probably *bigger* than your friend could/should be expected to field on her own.

 

It was probably paranoia on the part of your best friend's parents that inspired your friend to ignore you and steer clear. (I wouldn't blame her, solely, if I were you)

 

 

The last part of your post makes me hope that you might be able to take a chance on your best friend again. (these days you can probably contact her in any number of ways even if her parents forbid it)

 

But you really need to resist blaming her for any of what you've said here... she was firstly being a responsible kid in telling her mom of dangerous thoughts you were having...and then she PROBABLY reacted to her parents' over-reaction in distancing herself from you.

 

 

What seems most important to you is that you finesse your life in the present so as to keep as many doors open in the future as possible. I know that everything seems to teeter on the edge of what happens tomorrow, or next period/hour at school... but it really doesn't!!

 

It would be far too easy to become pregnant, or to travel too hard down one particular path and be unable to reverse the consequences in time to thrive during young adulthood.

 

I really do appreciate that you need directions in which to express yourself, and I love that you are resourceful enough to have landed here at LS. That suggests that you are also very capable where it concerns being mindful of the many wonderful doors you'd want as OPTIONS when it comes time to leave the structure of school, and pursue something you evolve to discover and love in a few years.