annisha Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hey tehre Ive posted a couple of threads regarding ths isssue so please feel free to loook them up Anyway to cut a long story short, me and my (ex) broke up yesterday, she broke it off with me. She cant offer me much in this rship atm because her Mom is very sick with Parkinsons. She barely has the time to contact me back via text!!!! So yesterday after 2 weeks of hanging around and being patient i called her. I asked how she is feeling, and she was sooooo hesitant to make a decision about what she should do. Some of what she said is "its not fair on you, its not much of a rship when i can hardly contact you " ect. I did look up what carers go with someone that has parkinsons and they are put under alot of pressure. Anyway my heart is breaking, its killling me. All the "what ifs" are surfacing. Things were absolutely brilliant before us before her Mothers condition started to worsen...im sure we wouldve gone from strength to strength if this hadnt have happened. So external circumstances killed us. So fellow LS'ers of wonderful advice. Shall i go NC or not? I feel if i do i have a chance of moving on but then what happens if her Mother gets better for awhile? Maybe we could have "us" back? Im sooooo confused. She said we can meet up next week sometime and discuss it properly. When i did call her i did kinda put the pressure on her to make a decision which was stupid of me, i know. I hadnt put any pressure untill then. Her decision was just to make it final and end it. But we will still talk next week Anyway ive gone on hols with some friends to try and keep myself busy. I dont know whether to contact her or not??? Please what should i do???? I love her soooo much , i really do, and missing her like crasy *sighs* Please help, my heart is breaking here
Author annisha Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 oh btw im still listed as her gf on facebook...should i get in there first and put myself as single? just to preserve my dignity? Even though we will be discussing what we should do next week.
reknown29 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I hate to break it to you like this but its over. The truth is that she is not feeling the relationship anymore and is too wimpy to express it. The fact that she brought her mom's parkinsons into it actually pisses me off a little and I dont even know her. If she loved you why would that have anything to do with it. I know what your going through and that you would except anything you can get from her and you do not want to lose her but you must let her go. She basically said its over and that there is no question about it. Go NC. Do not return her calls. Just disappear from her life. Oddly that is also the only real shot you will have at getting her back if it comes to that. Do not give in to the NC for at least a month. Come to this board and vent or whatever you have to to avoid contacting her. Take the time to do nice things for yourself. Start a new hobby, exercise, whatever you've been telling yourself you want to do, now is the time to do it. Do what you want with facebook. She did break up with you so I would update your status. Though, its really not that important. Its only as big of a deal as you make it. Again, Do Not Give In, Go NC! Just trust us on this one. Just about everyone here will tell you the same thing. Its not for her, its for you!
ChameleonMan Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 As much as I want to disagree with reknown29, I believe they're right for the most part. In tough situations like this, your significant other should find solace in coming to you about their family problems. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it appears to be the opposite here.
Author annisha Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys. I have tried to rationalise her actions ect and i know shes got masssive problems in her real life..i know that if i did i would come running back to my partner in helping to deal with it. Ive told myself it only takes 1 min to text someone to say there fine. Its just hard coz i knew she loved me and this situation has torn us apart and it sucks. She probablly has wimped out from telling me, yesterday she told me she felt confused and torn and really didnt know what to do for the best. So i forced her to give me an answer so i guess i asked for it. Damit i hate this
depplover_1980 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Well I do disagree completely and wonder how someone could show such little sympathy to a young girl caring for her mother with a debilitating illness (reknown not the OP). She must be going through a horrible time, one that most of us would not like to have to imagine. However I do believe with the rest of the advice and that you should give her some space, but I would clearly let her know that 'you're respecting her decision, that you care for her and if she needs you to get in touch'. I think this one is to early in the game to take as a clear over, but ultimately she has to re-approach you. If you hear nothing then move on.
joshislost Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I'd have to agree with depplover, seems that she has a lot going on, and that's her mother. She might just have a lot on her mind, and unfortunately at this point in time can't handle a relationship with her mothers deteriorating health. I would simply mention to her that you understand (if you truly do). That you are there for her, and that you hope her mother gets better. That way she will see that you care, also this frees up a lot of time for you to focus on you. Participate in hobbies, and do whatever you like, but she needs some space at this point in her life.
Author annisha Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Depplover, i do agree with you the most. I am taking their advice atm, but she she is suffering say more than i am. She is going to have to give up her job and move in with her mother to take more care of her. Her Father is dead and her Brother lives quite far away so shes preety much dealing with this all alone. I will never understand why she has had to push me away. I didnt pressure her, i would send her texts every 2 days just to let her know i was there for her. I didnt beg to meet up online or anything. I just wanted her to know i was there. I know i would go to my partner for support but i guess we are all difffierent. She had sent an email awhile ago on FB say9ing she needed me more then ever to stand by her. So its sad thaqt she chose to push me away. Maybe she feels she is doing the best for me atm. Anyway im having a cry right now bc i changed my rship status on FB back to single. It ripped my heart out to do it, but i have to do this for me. Should i send a text later in the week and say i understand why you must do this, ill be here for you if you ever want to get back in contact?'' She is really a good honest person thats going through some terrible **** atm. I was willing to wait for her, i was willing to only have communication once a week but i guesss she is doing what she thinks is best *sighs*
joshislost Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Anyway im having a cry right now bc i changed my rship status on FB back to single. It ripped my heart out to do it, but i have to do this for me. Should i send a text later in the week and say i understand why you must do this, ill be here for you if you ever want to get back in contact?'' Changing the status on fb sucks, but it's all what you make of it. It's a positive step, thou you might not realize it at the moment you will later on. Would you say that she already knows she can come to you if she needs something? I am feeling maybe you should let her do her thing and come to you when she needs you. I could be wrong, but I feel that will cause her to miss you more, and when she figures things out she could be back for you.
Author annisha Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Hey Josh For the last 2 weeks i did make it clear i was there for her and most of the time she never texted me back. At the most i would get one text a week. Before her mother became really ill the texting was constant. I really dont understand why she has pushed me away. I mean she was totally in love with me as far as i could tell, just by the way she acted and the things she said, and her actions would even prove it as well. It just really hurts so much that i cant reach out to her anymore, because we now are broken up. Anyway she has asked me to stay in contact whilst i am on holidays but ive decided not to text her untill another week from now. Just to give her space and for me to get my head clear. What i do find odd is the last 2 weeks she hasnt been on her computer bc she has been busy dealing with her Mom, but as soon as i go away from my hols all of a sudden she is back on her computer. Im starting to get paranoid that she has been trying to avoid me , and now she doesnt know i have access to a puter so she is coming on alot more. Does anyone else find that abit suspicious???? Thanks, any other opinions would be appreciated as well
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