flitzanu Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I'm curious what the general opinion is from both sides of the argument on public blogs and stories and such? As the dumper, most of you don't care what the dumpee has to say, but do you feel it is damaging and even more separating for you? Dumpees, do you find much solace in sharing your words and experience publicly? How far into details do you go with public blogs?
betsssssy Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I date casually, and I blog, but I leave out any identifying information on the people I date. If I were in a more serious relationship, I would save the details for conversation with my friends. It's not fair to share private information publicly, unless you have permission from the other person involved in the stories. An example of a generic blog post: http://dontforgetthecondoms.blogspot.com/2011/01/runner-alternate-title-guy-who-forgot.html Also, I think it makes people uncomfortable to read the internal drama from other people's relationships.
Whimsical_Ninja Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I'm a writer, so when I keep blogs I do tend to share stories about my relationships, friends, family, etc. I'm a humor writer, so I usually write about the stuff I find funny (and always ask anyone I mention specifically by name how they feel about the piece before I ever publish). I kept blogs about my relationship/marriage at the time, and when the relationship ended I backed them all up and deleted them. I put the back-ups on an external disk, and to this day I haven't re-read them. I might one day, but for now they're far away from sight and mind. My ex cheated and left me for a girl he knew for only 3 weeks. He was from the U.K. and was only able to be in the country on his fiance VISA. He got a whole extra year living here and there was nothing I could do. He also damaged my credit through messing with accounts under both of our names. Was I tempted to pour all of these things out publicly in a blog? Oh sure as hell I was. I didn't want to trash him as much as I wanted reassurance and comfort that I didn't deserve that, to justify myself, to be told I wasn't a crazy person, and so many other things. I didn't do it though. I personally joined a local divorce support group that held meetings as well as providing an email-based message board. That's where I poured out my situation and feelings, and it was better than doing it on a blog on a social network where people actually knew my ex and had seen him. Of course I wrote emails to friends, but I never did any blogs of a public nature. I think it's one thing when you've got perspective and you can write in a way that might help others, but it's another when the emotions are raw and you're right in the thick of being hurt, angry, confused, going nuts, etc. Those feelings are all valid of course, and important in getting through a break-up, but I think it can be counter-productive to share them in blogs or status updates, tweets, etc. I have some friends who have broken up and composed really long blogs going over every little detail of break-ups and their side of the story, and I confess that I cringe at these. At the same time I am sympathetic and absolutely understand what they're feeling, I just feel they're making it worse for themselves to do it. I personally never wanted to pull anyone into the drama of it all. Again, it is a highly emotional experience and often traumatic, I do believe talking about it and working through the feelings is paramount in moving on and healing. I just think it's best to keep it between close friends, family, therapists, and those in that inner circle. I just think it can make an already painful experience harder and longer if you throw it all out there, play-by-play like that. If nothing else, it attracts attention from those who will gossip and never let you forget what you wrote, they'll keep harping on and on about those blogs when you should be in a different phase of moving on, you know? It can also be passed around to the wrong people. I've seen things like that get back to bosses and co-workers of people who do it, even if they're not added on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, etc. I just personally think it's a bad move.
Whimsical_Ninja Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 One more thing to add: I also find it really dumbfounding when I see people hashing out the end of their relationship on the public stage in 'dueling blogs' or 'dueling status updates'. I never read them, and I just wonder why they're saying all these things to everyone else instead of each other? The whole validation thing is understandable to me, especially if communication between partners is poor, but I don't understand the benefit of making a whole bunch of people on a 'friends list' into a judge and jury. Also, I have found that the people who are chomping at the bit to get involved and exacerbate the situation by stoking the fire with comments are usually rather toxic people themselves. Weird enough, it's usually the people who stay out of it and don't say anything that are probably going to be the most well adjusted and able to offer constructive advice/ideas.
z00m25 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 about to post my ex on the dirty.com, thatll get under her skin since she always checked it regularly. plus found out i was cheated on not once but at least 5 different occasions! bitch needs to pay.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 THe only place I posted was here on Loveshack. I found it helps as you not only meet people who were screwed like you, but who are willing to help you as well. I even went outside the norm, and posted my exex full name on here, as well as the name of the guy she left me for. She got pissed when she found out, and I directed her to Tony. Haven't heard from her since dispite me sending out an olive branch of sorts for friendship. I will admit, it did feel good a bit to do that. I mean she is a complete contradiction upon herself. In other words, she says and does one thing, then denies it later on and continues the same destructive pattern as before. But, it also helped me because I know when it comes down to it, for all her faults, I accepted her for who she was. When any man in her future sees all her faults whether from her revealing them or reading them on here, they won't stay around to be with her unless its for sex. So I can now honestly move on knowing that few, if anyone, will accept her like I did. I do wish her best honestly, but if she keeps following the same old pattern that she has been for the past 2-3 years, then she won't find it.
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