angelboots Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 i dont know what to think.. he is wanting to try again. This guy lied to me, left me to go back to hes ex, lied about me to my friends and family. He claims he has learnt and is prepared to do what i want to prove it.... but i dont know if i can trust him even if he says that how can i trust he will. I told him i need to think. I told him we will keep in touch as friends for now and I will contact him when i figure out how i feel now, if i can trust again and he said "what ever i need he will wait" I am scared here guys if this is game i cant do it, i am lost.
Stilicho Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 do whatever your heart tells you to do, but know that if you do get back together, it will never be the same again. youll always remember what he did, and it will shadow everything in the relationship, even if he tries as hard as he can, it will be tainted. i know we yearn for reconciliation, even i do to an extent at times, but it wont last. it will be nice for the initial few weeks or months, than it will hit you, and you wont look at your partner in the same way any more. instead of the beautiful person you knew and loved, and thought loved you, youll see the person that hurt you and took you for granted.
marqueemoon4 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Yea take some time to think about it... let him sweat for awhile. This is good though, you have some power back and he's putting the ball in your court.
dng Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 i dont know what to think.. he is wanting to try again. This guy lied to me, left me to go back to hes ex, lied about me to my friends and family. He claims he has learnt and is prepared to do what i want to prove it.... but i dont know if i can trust him even if he says that how can i trust he will. I told him i need to think. I told him we will keep in touch as friends for now and I will contact him when i figure out how i feel now, if i can trust again and he said "what ever i need he will wait" I am scared here guys if this is game i cant do it, i am lost. I was in a similar situation in october or november. She said she was ready to come back, had done lots of thinking, everything would be different, etc.. I knew she'd been seeing someone and lying about it and I didnt know if she was still seeing him or not. The fact she was telling me to take all the time I needed to think about it didnt help. To me, it pointed to she was still seeing him and I didnt want to be caught up in a love triangle. The way I handled it was that I waited for 3-4 weeks before getting back to her. When I did, everything had changed again. I suspect she got back to me everytime she had a setback with him but she denies this, of course. No way to tell. So take your time. This guy will change his mind again.. and again.. She also tried to contact me for v-day and I ignored her.
Bluebelle38 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hi angelboots I am not overly familiar with your story but I have read a bit. I was recently burned by an ex that I let back into my life and hand on heart the getting over it has been painful. I think you need to take some time out here to think about all the things this guy has done to you and ask if you could go through it again? I know how much you would love it to work - I did with my ex too - but I realised that down the line nothing had really changed (he was a commitmentphobe). The same problems are still going to be there for you and him. You are always going to be worried that at any time he could dump you again when he has got what he wanted. Ask yourself, would you have treated someone you were mad about the way he treated you? You seem like you have your head screwed on:D so take your time here and think about yourself and what you want from a partner. A man that can lie so easily cannot be trusted in my opinion. All the best.
cj2 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 My ex split up with me because she thought she was still in love with her ex 2 years ago when we were travelling in Australia. A few weeks later she told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life, I took her back and 3 months ago she left me again, this time with someone else waiting in the wings. It has been hell dealing with it this time around, after letting her back in last time, giving her a second chance only to have it all thrown back in my face again. Only you can decide, but tread very carefully and be sure to think it through very carefully. It is all too easy to believe someone when they have said they have changed when you love them, but often I think they only change as long as it suits their needs and it'll be you left picking up the pieces again when their needs change. From what I've read of your posts, I think you deserve better!
Bluebelle38 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 My ex split up with me because she thought she was still in love with her ex 2 years ago when we were travelling in Australia. A few weeks later she told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life, I took her back and 3 months ago she left me again, this time with someone else waiting in the wings. It has been hell dealing with it this time around, after letting her back in last time, giving her a second chance only to have it all thrown back in my face again. Only you can decide, but tread very carefully and be sure to think it through very carefully. It is all too easy to believe someone when they have said they have changed when you love them, but often I think they only change as long as it suits their needs and it'll be you left picking up the pieces again when their needs change. From what I've read of your posts, I think you deserve better! Good post. And I have to say I agree re the suiting their needs. Very, very selfish but some people are like that. Anyone that has the capacity to treat you like **** capable of doing it again. It is something they are Ok doing. Would I treat anyone the way my ex treated me? No way. We may miss them, but we are BETTER people than they will ever be. I don't want to settle for second best with my ex again. Knowing you deserve more is the battle... once we accept that we don't look back.
stopthemadness Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Dont do it!!!If youve never read my story, I was back an forth off and on with my ex for 8+ years. This could go on FOREVER!!! Learn from me Please. It took me a therapist and time to get over this. You have some time under your belt keep that time and keep adding to it. I really hope your strong enough NOT to go bk...Good luck.
Author angelboots Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) thanks guys for all taking he time to reply, didnt fall asleep until 530 am this morning and the two hours sleep i did have was full of nightmares, I am fairly confident that my sub concious was screaming at me that i dont really want this second chance with the ex. It feels good that now I get the chance to hold my head up high and flip him the mental bird, but what everyone has been saying is true.. so much has happened I could never trust this boy(not man) again. I remember last night it kept going through my head, she must have hurt him he needs an ego boost and cant be alone and thats probably the closet to the truth i will get from him. I am going to stay NC for a few days and think, it will be interesting to watch how he flips and flops knowing he doesn't have the control for once, but ultimately i can see him turning else where for the ego boost before a week is over. It sucks though, as I've said before it seems he has a radar set that know whats to say where to keep me in hes life, I was comfortable last night enough to finally delete all hes old stuff off my computer and delete all photos ready to be complete no contact as of this morning. Then *bang* there he is on the phone wanting me "back" Edited February 15, 2011 by angelboots
marqueemoon4 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 tell you what angelboots, if you're ever stateside I'll buy you a Fosters (i know no one in Australia drinks that swill)
Author angelboots Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 lol no they definitely dont, it a greatly outdated belief but i do appreciate the sentiment
Bluebelle38 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I'm an aussie too, angelboots, but live in Ireland Stay strong.... I know it's hard but really, you deserve so much more than the b*ll**** from that de@d****
Lemontang Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Ack Fosters! Now if it was a pint of Coopers you'd be talking. Yeah don't give this another thought really. Once trust has been broken a successful 2nd chance is pretty much impossible, let alone a smooth transition into a 2nd shot of it. If you had broken up for any other reason then you might have a better chance 2nd time around, but broken trust will always taint another round of the same relationship. Also if thoughts of him are keeping you awake at night read a good book. That's what I used to do when trying to get thoughts of an ex out at night. I hate trying to sleep and having my last thought being of her and the 1st thought in the morning. At least when reading a good book I have a better chance of drifting into sleepy land often thinking of some way to take out Voldermort...but then I'd rather that than going to sleep dreaming of some vampire guy who glitters.
Author angelboots Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 haha welcome fellow Aussies I am still staying NC at the moment, just still going through things in my head, he sent me a message earlier about the cyclone where he is at... and i am keeping a close eye on it from my end but thats probably not helping, as the only reason I am watching the weather is to make sure he is ok still. Its crazy how all through the breakup ive been wanting him back, but now the offer is on the table I am not overly excited about it. I think it shows just how far through the grieving process i had obviously come. I had an issue earlier with fbs new messaging system, for some reason all the messages we ever sent to each other were there, and stupidly i decided to read through them all. I defiantly didn't need that. Fact is I cant help but think after our talk last night, if he was really wanting stuff to be sorted, i would have heard more from him at some point.. but with the storm I am prepared to accept I am being overly girly about that fact lol any way thanks again for all the advice and support, LS is getting me through this break up brilliantly. oh and Lemontang the reading suggestion will be well heeded I have a few books I have been meaning to get to over the past few months, guess its time to jump back into the literary pond
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