pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 So, to followup on telling the new guy about having herpes, it's pretty much over. He didn't say as much, but he wrote me an email saying he will think about it, but that he feels really uncomfortable, and called it a "thorny issue." Add in to that that he's leaving for 10 days for a trip, it pretty much all adds up to it being over. I feel bad, but I know I will also be OK. It's the first time I've been "rejected." I knew it was bound to happen at some point, but it still really sucks. It's weird, I don't think I feel so bad about the singular rejection. This guy was probably not The One, but I feel angry about not being able to progress a relationship in a normal fluid way, without disrupting it with this bombshell. I hate it.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 So, to followup on telling the new guy about having herpes, it's pretty much over. He didn't say as much, but he wrote me an email saying he will think about it, but that he feels really uncomfortable, and called it a "thorny issue." Add in to that that he's leaving for 10 days for a trip, it pretty much all adds up to it being over. I feel bad, but I know I will also be OK. It's the first time I've been "rejected." I knew it was bound to happen at some point, but it still really sucks. It's weird, I don't think I feel so bad about the singular rejection. This guy was probably not The One, but I feel angry about not being able to progress a relationship in a normal fluid way, without disrupting it with this bombshell. I hate it. Do you have herpes or does he?
Kamille Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I'm sorry this happened Panda. Telling dates about your condition was always one of the thing you feared the most about starting new relationships. I know we're very similar in how we think, so I can't help but feel you will only get out stronger from this experience. You've faced the worst-case scenario. You now know what if feels like. You say yourself it's angering, but nothing you can't deal with. Maybe in a strange way this will lessen your level of anxiety about telling dates about herpes.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I'm surprised hear that this is your first rejection since getting herpes? But you know what it also means? It means that despite having HPV, it isn't the be all, end all thing. You're a great person, P_G, and reading your past and present posts on here made me realized alot of things in regards to how people deal with STD issues. I hope you feel better and you know, you have a great heart, something your exes clearly have seen or else they wouldn't have wanted to be with you.
Author pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I'm sorry this happened Panda. Telling dates about your condition was always one of the thing you feared the most about starting new relationships. I know we're very similar in how we think, so I can't help but feel you will only get out stronger from this experience. You've faced the worst-case scenario. You now know what if feels like. You say yourself it's angering, but nothing you can't deal with. Maybe in a strange way this will lessen your level of anxiety about telling dates about herpes. Thanks Kamille. You're right, I will become stronger from this experience. Luckily, I've also had the experience of being with my ex, who did not care that I had herpes. He just told me. "It doesn't matter. I still want to be with you." It's just... man, the chemistry with this guy was so great. He seemed to like me too. Love? No. But like? for sure.
Author pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I'm surprised hear that this is your first rejection since getting herpes? But you know what it also means? It means that despite having HPV, it isn't the be all, end all thing. You're a great person, P_G, and reading your past and present posts on here made me realized alot of things in regards to how people deal with STD issues. I hope you feel better and you know, you have a great heart, something your exes clearly have seen or else they wouldn't have wanted to be with you. Well, thanks. It makes me happy that you've learned something from my experiences. I think part of the reason I get sad, is because I know I'm a good person, and I've always tried to do the right thing in my life. And still, I am the one who has to deal with this, and ultimately be judged.
Nexus One Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Some more info on Herpes: 1. Can using a condom prevent you from getting Herpes? http://tinyurl.com/2fs28yq 2. The benefits of suppressive therapy: http://tinyurl.com/4a27zkr If your partner has herpes using a condom can reduce the risk for you to catch the virus by 30%. If your partner uses suppressive therapy the chance of transmitting the virus can drop another 50%. So risk for transmission of the virus can not yet be reduced to 0%, because the virus is transmitted through skin to skin contact and bodily fluids. A condom only partly covers the skin that is receptive for infection. So before having sex with someone you should actually go to the hospital with your partner and have both of you tested for STD's via a blood test. Because even people who have herpes, but don't have any herpes symptoms, can still transmit the virus. A lot of people do the blood test, but many do not and that's how STD's spread for the most part, people simply don't know they or their partner have an STD due to lack of symptoms. Edited February 15, 2011 by Nexus One
Author pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Yes, you cannot reduce the risk to zero. The transmission rate from an infected female to an uninfected male, without using condoms or medication, is 4%. Meaning 4/100 men will become infected. Using condom and meds reduce that risk, using both condoms and meds is more effective. Still, you can only reduce the risk to 1-2%, which is actually pretty low-risk.
Author pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I know, I know... everyone thinks I'm such a great person, but unfortunately greatness does not triumph herpes in the dating world.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I know, I know... everyone thinks I'm such a great person, but unfortunately greatness does not triumph herpes in the dating world. PG, you live in NYC right? You really could do with a girls' night out. In fact, I'm part of the jilted club. Let's meet one of these days and enjoy a night on the town.
Girlygirl1977 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 PG - I really feel for you right now. It is really hard to go through this and after you became quite excited about him. You seem very strong and genuine though and so I feel like the right one is still out there for you. You have had good fortune with others who have accepted your honesty about the herpes too. So don't let this dampen you! Stay strong! You have done a good job handling this.
Eeyore79 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 It means that despite having HPV, it isn't the be all, end all thing. I hope EVERYONE with STDs especially HIVs are as considerate as you. Do you have HPV or HIV? Or just herpes? I guess this shows the level of misinformation out there if people think they are the same thing!
Author pandagirl Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Do you have HPV or HIV? Or just herpes? I guess this shows the level of misinformation out there if people think they are the same thing! haha! The only STD I have is HSV-2, which is genital herpes.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Do you have HPV or HIV? Or just herpes? I guess this shows the level of misinformation out there if people think they are the same thing! ooppssss! Sorry my bad, I was thinking of some initials and apparently I got them wrong. My statement still stands tho.
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