Author Inflikted Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Sorry, but the whole thing just sounds creepy to me. I think a 22 year old male sticking his nose this far into his mother's business - to the point of going into her messages and setting up a fake profile, etc. etc. etc. - is just creepy as hell. I also think it's beyond revolting that the OP had to hear his mother having phone sex through a heater vent in the bathroom. But then again, the OP has gone WAY out of his way to FIND things, so I'd be willing to bet good money he didn't accidentally overhear that conversation, but probably had his ear plastered to the vent. Ugh. Completely creepy. Perhaps I do have a bit too much time on my hands, but I can't help having lost myself in my "snooping"; this whole thing is just so... bizarre, to me. I'd never in a million years expected my mom to even be capable of something like this. Maybe it was a little crazy setting up fake accounts just to message the other guy's wife, but when I found out they were planning to meet up and actually make this whole thing real, I panicked. I didn't know what else to do, and I felt I had to put a stop to it right now. And no, I was not intentionally listening to them have phone sex. I really don't care whether you believe me or not, but it's just like I said, I was in the bathroom, getting ready for work, and heard it. Anyway, he finally wrote my mom, and yes, his wife did indeed get the message, and I guess they had their fight about it. He said to my mom that the situation between him and her has gone too far. I'm hoping this means he's realizing how stupid he was, and is going to work things out with his wife and leave my mom out of this.
greengoddess Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Wonderful! I think that is proof you did the right thing. It's time to stop snooping though. Maybe you should give your dad some suggestions to add a little spark back.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Anyway, he finally wrote my mom, and yes, his wife did indeed get the message, and I guess they had their fight about it. He said to my mom that the situation between him and her has gone too far. I'm hoping this means he's realizing how stupid he was, and is going to work things out with his wife and leave my mom out of this. This is a good thing for your mom, and I hope your mom realizes she's dodged a bullet..And leaves this guy alone. And he leaves your mom alone. I do feel for this guys wife and the pain now she's suffering. My concern now for you (and i know you may not have thought of this) there is a chance that his wife will contact your dad and let him know. Not saying it will happen, but it could.
Author Inflikted Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Heh, yeah, maybe. Also, I'm not too concerned about my mom confronting me. I mean... won't it be kind of a gamble for her? Sure, it *could've* been me, but what if it wasn't? What if it was someone else that did it, and she confronted ME about it, and had to divulge what she did to me? I just don't think she'd take that kind of risk. Although, she might just be keeping quiet right now because my dad's home all week on vacation, and she doesn't want to start anything when he's in ear shot.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 no, not that this is going to come back to you directly, but this guys wife COULD find out who your mom is and contact your dad. Best thing to do now is, keep busy and hang with friends, act happy and like everything is normal. I doubt your mom suspects you (that you would go that far) so you can't act any different. Or give off a weird/nervous vibe.
Author Inflikted Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 no, not that this is going to come back to you directly, but this guys wife COULD find out who your mom is and contact your dad. Best thing to do now is, keep busy and hang with friends, act happy and like everything is normal. I doubt your mom suspects you (that you would go that far) so you can't act any different. Or give off a weird/nervous vibe. Oh, my "Heh, yeah, maybe" was actually directed at the last line of the post above yours. You either posted right before I posted my message, or I somehow missed your post entirely when I went to reply. Anyway, yeah, I've been able to play stupid about knowing about her affair for the last few months, so I think I should be able to pass off any suspicion my mom may have. In other news, the other guy's wife replied to the Facebook account I used to write her, and she's asked me to share any other details I have with her. Not entirely sure what to tell her... I don't want to tell her about the phone sex, because that might hurt a little too much, and despite the fact that I don't have much sympathy for this other guy, I don't want to break up a marriage. I just want them to realize they have issues, and work them out, and leave my family out of it.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 In other news, the other guy's wife replied to the Facebook account I used to write her, and she's asked me to share any other details I have with her. Not entirely sure what to tell her... I don't want to tell her about the phone sex, because that might hurt a little too much, and despite the fact that I don't have much sympathy for this other guy, I don't want to break up a marriage. I just want them to realize they have issues, and work them out, and leave my family out of it. You have no idea about the status of their marriage. For all you know, the wife was happy and clueless -- Most cheaters have fault within themselves, and many a times the other spouse hasn't a clue, they think everything is fine. You now owe her the truth of what you know. You can't pick and choose what to tell her and what not to tell her. She is hurting now. You don't want to break up a marriage, yet you opened pandora's box, and caused reaction. You invited her into this by contacting her, I hope see you see that? Now, what happens (if she digs and finds out who your mom is or if her husband comes clean and tells her the truth and who your mom is) things are going to happen now whether you like it or not. You can't control this, never could from the start. Your mom was the one chasing him and then he finally gave in. Now he's asked your mom to leave him alone as his wife knows.. Hope this makes sense to you,.
StoneCold Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 In other news, the other guy's wife replied to the Facebook account I used to write her, and she's asked me to share any other details I have with her. Not entirely sure what to tell her... I don't want to tell her about the phone sex, because that might hurt a little too much, and despite the fact that I don't have much sympathy for this other guy, I don't want to break up a marriage. I just want them to realize they have issues, and work them out, and leave my family out of it. Now you're in a fix. This is why I was saying that you'd be better off just dealing with your mom rather than involving the other guys wife. She wants more answers and you're not in a position to provide them. But you have to tell her something now because you went and got her involved. You said you dont want to break up a marriage but I think you may have already played a hand in that. I honestly dont know what to tell you.
Author Inflikted Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Well, she already knows who my mom is. I don't think she and my mom have ever met personally, but when this other guy and my mom first started messaging each other, he seemed to imply that his wife knew who my mom was.
StoneCold Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Well, she already knows who my mom is. I don't think she and my mom have ever met personally, but when this other guy and my mom first started messaging each other, he seemed to imply that his wife knew who my mom was. So you now may have also compromised your mother's safety? it may sound far fetched but you don't know this other woman and what she may or may not be capable of. I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad...but you need to understand the potential ramifications of your decision.
rowell2024 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Don't worry Inflikted, I think you did the right thing. What your mom is doing to your dad and your family (hence your involvement) is wrong. She needs a wake up call since she's obviously in her affair fog.
FryFish Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 inflikted, you dont have any responsibility for the break up of this couples marriage if it comes to that. It was her husband and your mother... and now that she knows a little, she deserves to know the rest.
jnj express Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hey inflikted---you opened up this pandora's box---now you need to follow it thru---If the OW, wants info---you GIVE IT TO HER She is entitled to know what kind of a scumbag she has for a H., she needs to know everything so she can make an INFORMED decision about the rest of her life----she is asking for help---she is obviously willing to risk the pain--to know the truth---tell it to her
Hanther Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hey inflikted---you opened up this pandora's box---now you need to follow it thru---If the OW, wants info---you GIVE IT TO HER She is entitled to know what kind of a scumbag she has for a H., she needs to know everything so she can make an INFORMED decision about the rest of her life----she is asking for help---she is obviously willing to risk the pain--to know the truth---tell it to her EXACTLY. I think you did the right thing. It may seem like you caused this hurt on her. But in reality it was the husband that did it. If you hadn't told her, he may have cheated with someone else and, if nothing else, exposed her to STDs. The only thing you've done is shown an innocent woman what kind of husband she has and now you are allowing her to make an informed decision about the rest of her life, as jnj said. You also may have actually SAVED their marriage. Maybe they will be able to work past an "almost" physical affair where they wouldn't have been able to work past it if he had actually slept with someone else (your mom or whoever). Tell her whatever she wants to know. You don't have much else to tell her, anyway, from what I gather. You won't make things worse by sending her another message. She is dying for information right now and I guarantee you her husband is gaslighting her.
LifesontheUp Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hi Inflikted, I was in a similar position because of my mums cheating years ago, so I feel for you. I would get home from school to find her on the phone, would go upstairs only to hear the laughing and giggling like a school kid and making plans to meet. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you did. You handled this in the way you thought best. They could have been found out anyway. What you need to remember is that your mum and the OM did this and nobody else.
Author Inflikted Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Crap. He and my mom are now trying to cover their asses to his wife. My mom schemed with him to send a fake e-mail from my dad, implying that he was the one this guy was supposed to meet up with and get drinks with, or whatever. She's even fabricated a story to my dad, so he can say something in case they call us... I'm not sure how to combat this... I just sent his wife another message with a few more of their old e-mails, in the hopes that I can keep her from believing whatever tale they're spinning. :/
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Crap. He and my mom are now trying to cover their asses to his wife. My mom schemed with him to send a fake e-mail from my dad, implying that he was the one this guy was supposed to meet up with and get drinks with, or whatever. She's even fabricated a story to my dad, so he can say something in case they call us... I'm not sure how to combat this... I just sent his wife another message with a few more of their old e-mails, in the hopes that I can keep her from believing whatever tale they're spinning. :/ This is spinning out of control now, isn't it. Why not copy and paste the more recent email to his wife, about their recent plans to deny it. What they are doing is wrong and it's very cruel! Your dad, sadly to say, is more than likely going to find out the truth soon enough. You tried to protect him but now this is out of your hands. Your mom is going too far and so is the MM.
Author Inflikted Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) Unfortunately, their little scheme to deny it wasn't planned out via e-mail, it was either done on the phone or text message. I'm feeling physically sick, now... I'm almost shaking. I just want this whole thing to be over. Why won't it end? :'( Edited February 17, 2011 by Inflikted
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Call one of your buddy's and get out for the rest of the evening. Go to dinner, see a movie, shoot some pool. You need a change of scenery.
2long Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Hey inflikted---you opened up this pandora's box---now you need to follow it thru---If the OW, wants info---you GIVE IT TO HER She is entitled to know what kind of a scumbag she has for a H., she needs to know everything so she can make an INFORMED decision about the rest of her life----she is asking for help---she is obviously willing to risk the pain--to know the truth---tell it to her So the OMW is entitled 2 know the truth, but his own dad is supposed 2 be kept in the dark?? -ol' 2long
2long Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) shes his mom but sticking his nose in other people's lives (the other guys wife)... is not advisable. Obviously, emailing the OMW wasn't the best thing 2 have done. Next, the truth is going 2 have 2 come out for everyone involved. I would have advocated telling his mom that she's got X hrs 2 tell his dad and then he's going 2 tell him. It shouldn't be a threat 2 manipulate his mom in2 doing something he wants her 2 do, it's a simple telling of the truth (which, if it weren't so potentially harmful, she'd be willing 2 do herself). Snooping wasn't necessary, since he already had direct conversations with his mother about this other guy. She might even have figured out who told the OMW by now. If not, she'll likely know soon enough. One other potential outcome of that approach was going 2 be that they'd just go further underground and continue their affair anyway (escalating it 2 a PA). Keeping the outing within your family, the OMW might still have found out, but there'd be less chance of the affair continuing. I have a question: Your registration date was almost 3 years ago. What brought you 2 loveshack then? (h'DOING! Never mind, I looked up your original post. Sorry if I sounded suspicious). -ol' 2long Edited February 18, 2011 by 2long
FryFish Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Please... this isnt an sms conversation or a live chat board... There is no reason to shorthand the words too and to
2long Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Please... this isnt an sms conversation or a live chat board... There is no reason to shorthand the words too and to It's a genetic imperative (I got that from Devo). I can't help it. -ol' 2long
Author Inflikted Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Well, I haven't heard back from the other guy's wife at all. He also hasn't written to my mom via e-mail at all, and his Facebook account has been deactivated. My mom is still taking an occasional suspicious phone call, but I've been avoiding listening in, so I'm hoping she's not still trying with this guy. She seems generally sad and mopey, and upset, though, ever since it all went down. I just hope things are really ending between him and her... I want to believe they are, but her suspicious behavior hasn't completely stopped, and worst case scenario, they're going to be even more careful to hide what they're doing. Meaning, they probably won't be communicating via e-mail/ Facebook anymore, so I won't be able to tell what's going on. It sucks, because for the first time since before this whole thing started months ago, I was feeling happy and upbeat, but then I get home from work, and find her taking yet another suspicious phone call, and now I'm right back to wondering what's really going on... :/
acac2323 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 He would want to know...I know you have reasons, but you are underestimating him and disrespecting him. If its been quiet they are planning through a different means. Your father deserves to know his wife has been planning things with another man...Wouldnt you want to know? Do the right thing. You can help him through it if he needs it...
Recommended Posts