Roadlesstaken Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Thought I was doing so well, but this morning my ex husband informed that he is marrying the woman he left me for and he wants our son to be in his wedding. I have spent the morning in tears and feel so much emotion. I have been in therapy and have dealt with a lot of my feelings or so I thought, but today has been bad. He cheated on me and I know that I deserve better, but also right now I am lonely and maybe that is why I am feeling this way.
stopthemadness Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hi, so sorry for your pain. I was once married for 14 years and he left me for another women. Then later got married too. That was 11 years ago. I still remember how hard it was for me too. I lost alot of weight and was very sad for a while. I too saw a therapist and yes it helped alot. You thought you were doing well? No, you are doing well. My old therapist from my divorce, once told me "if them being happy means not being with us, the thats what that means" You will be happy again, you just have to get though this and you will. We All do.. Look, know that you are not alone, other people have been through this too (like me) and we got through it ,you will too. One thing i used to do too, was pray for Jesus to take him out of my heart. Take it day by day keep seeing your therapist. Check out the chat line on here too. Good luck.. I just said a prayer for you..hang in there....
Whimsical_Ninja Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 My ex-husband cheated on me and left me for a girl he knew for 3 weeks, a little over two years ago now. He is now married to her. My situation is a little bit different (but in a big way) in that we never had children together so it was a clean break. He got engaged to her before our divorce was final, but I only found out he had married her through a mutual friend who let it slip. When I found out, I remember my ears got hot and my face flushed, I felt my stomach flip over and I felt a surge of anger go through me. He treated me terribly and I allowed it at the time, I knew I did not want him back in my life and knew I wanted and deserved a better relationship. Thing is, at the time I was not happy enough with my own situation as a single person yet, and I think it had a lot to do with how I felt upon finding out. I was still working through a lot of personal issues that were my own to deal with and weren't particularly related to my divorce at all, I was trying really hard to find work without success and figure out what I was going to do with my life. Thinking of him getting married and being happy pissed me off terribly, especially since he never apologized to me or showed me any sign he cared about what he did to me. I can imagine these feelings (and more) are tenfold when you have a child keeping you connected. I really feel for you, and I would say just keep working in therapy and reminding yourself you've just got to push through. I think the worst thing you can do is play victim and let this paralyze you. I personally didn't cry, but I had to work through that disruptive resurgence of anger. The thing that helped me most was constantly reminding myself that I am a SINGLE person and I'm responsible for how my life is going to go from here on out. The best thing I did was keep pushing myself to do the right things for my own well being even when I didn't feel like it, and finding empowerment in learning to care for myself more. The more I did this, the less I cared or even thought about what my ex was doing because I had systematically started filling my life back up with my independent pursuits, interests, and new friends. You're naturally going to feel these things from time to time, I am not sure anyone ever comes through divorce without still getting some residual feelings popping up here and there. You didn't say how long ago your ex left. For me, it was about a year and half before I was really able to let go and not feel so easily overcome with the emotions. It sounds like your sense of self worth and esteem might still be pretty shaken up and kicked around by all of it, which is so utterly understandable and normal. You're not failing. It's just a matter of letting yourself feel all the things you need to without tumbling down into really bad depression. I can personally attest that it's REALLY hard not to feel beat-up and depressed watching the ex move on when you're still feeling so confused as to how to rebuild a new life. I went through it too. Lean on the people you trust, get out of the house to do new things as much as possible, keep talking about it, and maybe try to make a conscious effort not to beat yourself up too much. Things will change. It's been 2 1/2 years since my ex walked out, and my life is so much better now than I would have thought when I felt that pain. Don't let it mess with your head, you CAN and WILL get through this and life still has so much greatness for you. There will come a day when his life won't affect you the way it is now, just keep working for it. It gets better. Sounds cliche', but it really does. Much luck to you
IfiKnewThen Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 just that i am truly sorry for your pain. especially if it was that you still loved him... are in love with him and you still had some hope. when they marry seems so final of course. it's devastating. if you are no longer in love with him and are feeling more cheated in general, that he had this affair then got married, it doesnt make it a match made in heaven. just keep telling yourself..he cheated on. not to victimize yourself more, or make you feel bad, but that he isnt this perfect person. he isnt someone to idolize. but dont let anger consume you too. try to balance all your feelings and just get through it one day at a time. you still have a beautiful child together. find a way to make peace with your past somehow. only you will really know what works for you. God bless you ( (((hugs))))
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