I am struggling to cope...

[flow15]

Its been three weeks since he ended it again and I swear I feel worse now then I did then. This pain in my heart isnt going away!

 

Yesterday valentines day, I couldn't stop thinking of him and kept checking my phone hoping hed call or text... Last night I dreamt about him all night and today is his birthday. I'm not going to contact him because everyone has advised me not to, and he wouldn't care if i did or not. But this time last year we spent v-day and his b-day together, and this year he is spending it with other people, having fun with other people while i am here missing him wishing i could celebrate with him.

 

I find myself thinking about him literally every second that passes... Even at night I dream about him all through the night, I wake up I think of him... I go to sleep I think of him. I wonder if he thinks about me too? I wonder if he misses me too?

 

Even though he hurt me so much and treated me like a bag of garbage, I just want him to tell me he misses me and wants me back.

 

When will this pain go away? we were together only for a day before he ended it again... before that we hadnt been together since august. I feel like I should be over this by now! I know he came back into my life so that doesnt exactly help... But I dont feel any better than I did back then, I feel like I will never get over him. I went on a date on friday and all I thought was that I wished it was my ex...

 

Sorry I just needed to vent

[Good Arms]

Three weeks on from effectively a new break up is nothing, don't worry that you feel worse now - I don't think anyone apart from the coldest person could be over things that soon! I found things got worse before there was any sign of things getting even slightly better. I think there's an initial stage of denial and shock before the real sense of loss sets in.

 

It's my ex's birthday today too, for it to be combined with Valentine's Day is pretty tough... look at it positively though and think at least this particularly tough time is just one period of two days to get through, rather than two separate times that will set your mind racing about what they're doing, wondering if you should get in touch etc. I start feeling guilty that I haven't contacted her (not for V.day, that wouldn't be suitable, but for her birthday) but I know NC is important and if we are to get in contact it's up to her as the dumper... and I'm 99.9% sure she won't.

 

It's tough but you're not alone in this... I'm almost 3 months on and still think of her virtually every second. Just try plenty of distraction activities to get you through each day, doesn't help in the quiet times of rest and trying to sleep but it helps for the rest of the day. Take care!

[alimpo83]

It's like Good Arms said. For me it's been four months, and she is still the one I think most of the time of my day. And about contacting her, I've broke NC twice and she once. But it means nothing. I'd like to fight for her, and I would, if I felt she was at least a bit into fighting for us.

[flow15]

Three weeks on from effectively a new break up is nothing, don't worry that you feel worse now - I don't think anyone apart from the coldest person could be over things that soon! I found things got worse before there was any sign of things getting even slightly better. I think there's an initial stage of denial and shock before the real sense of loss sets in.

 

It's my ex's birthday today too, for it to be combined with Valentine's Day is pretty tough... look at it positively though and think at least this particularly tough time is just one period of two days to get through, rather than two separate times that will set your mind racing about what they're doing, wondering if you should get in touch etc. I start feeling guilty that I haven't contacted her (not for V.day, that wouldn't be suitable, but for her birthday) but I know NC is important and if we are to get in contact it's up to her as the dumper... and I'm 99.9% sure she won't.

 

It's tough but you're not alone in this... I'm almost 3 months on and still think of her virtually every second. Just try plenty of distraction activities to get you through each day, doesn't help in the quiet times of rest and trying to sleep but it helps for the rest of the day. Take care!

 

 

The thing is.. He broke up with me in may, we got back together in august, but broke up with me again. and we gave it another try 3 weeks ago, but he ended it again. So really its like we've been broken up since may, and that was 8 months ago!! the only reason he came back each time is because he knew i hadnt moved on. And i cant move on because I keep thinking hes going to come back again.

 

I know what u mean, i feel bad that i havent contacted him because its his brithday... but if he wanted me in his life he would have tried to keep in contact, so theres no reason why i should contact him, especially after hes hurt me so much. He wont even be thinking of me today, he's probably celebrating with a new girl in his life....

[kaygato]

The thing is.. He broke up with me in may, we got back together in august, but broke up with me again. and we gave it another try 3 weeks ago, but he ended it again. So really its like we've been broken up since may, and that was 8 months ago!! the only reason he came back each time is because he knew i hadnt moved on. And i cant move on because I keep thinking hes going to come back again.

 

I know what u mean, i feel bad that i havent contacted him because its his brithday... but if he wanted me in his life he would have tried to keep in contact, so theres no reason why i should contact him, especially after hes hurt me so much. He wont even be thinking of me today, he's probably celebrating with a new girl in his life....

 

I know how you feel. I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and 3 weeks now. Then after the first breakup we got back together twice, but I initiated both times. I just want him to feel the way about me that he used to, but I think I've pushed him away even more than he was by chasing him. He's now broken up with me 3 times. I know part of the reason he left this last time was because I hadn't moved on from the breakup still. So that's what I'm trying to do. It's the only thing I really can do. I lost all my dignity these last months...calling, texting, telling him how much I loved him and how things would be different, so now I'm "moving on". I don't think I'll really be over him for a long time, but I'll fake it till I make it. I figure if we're meant to be he'll realize he made a mistake, and if not I'll be a lot happier and can find someone new to be with.

[flow15]

I know how you feel. I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and 3 weeks now. Then after the first breakup we got back together twice, but I initiated both times. I just want him to feel the way about me that he used to, but I think I've pushed him away even more than he was by chasing him. He's now broken up with me 3 times. I know part of the reason he left this last time was because I hadn't moved on from the breakup still. So that's what I'm trying to do. It's the only thing I really can do. I lost all my dignity these last months...calling, texting, telling him how much I loved him and how things would be different, so now I'm "moving on". I don't think I'll really be over him for a long time, but I'll fake it till I make it. I figure if we're meant to be he'll realize he made a mistake, and if not I'll be a lot happier and can find someone new to be with.

 

I too believe I pushed him away because I made all the typical mistakes by chasing him, telling him how much I loved him and trying to convince him that we would work that it would be different...etc...

 

I think it will take me a really long time to get over him, but like you I think if we're meant to be he will come back.... but in the mean time I have to pretend I'm ok and eventually I will be happier...

 

Its good to know I'm not the only one

[curiousnycgirl]

Flow -

 

I've been where you are, so let me ask you this. If he comes back, will you trust that he will stay? Or will you be waiting to see when he'll leave again? Will you always be waiting for the other to shoe to drop?

 

My ex and I took a break December 1 2009 when I told him I couldn't take him being so mean to me anymore and he said well then he was sorry - so we didn't speak for 4 months - at which point he came back telling me he would change, that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, etc. He even had a plan of how he was going to change starting with a weekend away with a group of men who were going to help him become a better man, etc.

 

I was leery but wanted so much to believe him, so I said ok. I kept waiting to see those changes. And waiting, and waiting. He came back at the end of March, went on his weekend end of May. September 14th, one week before we were scheduled to go on vacation for 2.5 weeks (all of which I had already paid for) I found his match.com profile which said he had been active within 24 hours.

 

When I asked him about it he lied. That was it I was done - after 6 years of his walking all over me, speaking to me harshly, my paying for everything we ever did, his putting me down to make himself feel better - I WILL NOT BE LIED TO.

 

Had he told me the truth I would probably have still be on the roller coaster, so the truth is he probably did me a huge favor. I did not realize that I was so stressed worrying about making him angry, or what he would think or say, etc that I actually had ulcers. In the 5 months since we broke up I have started to get my life back to how it was before I met him - and you know what - I was happy back then.

 

So while I know you are very sad now, and I can promise you the tears will ebb and flow - but ask yourself honestly, do you really want HIM back, can you trust that he will stay? Or do you want that feeling back?

 

Perhaps it is time to focus on you and your healing so that you can be ready for when the next and perhaps right man comes along?

 

Best of luck to you Flow.

CNYCG

[Whimsical_Ninja]

Curious just gave some great advice there!

 

I was with my ex-husband for a little over four years. He cheated and walked out on our marriage for a girl he'd known for 3 weeks. On that Monday he was talking to me about what our future children would be named, then that Friday he told me he didn't love me anymore and was leaving. Boom! Just like that. I was shell shocked, confused, and it was like my whole entire future had been erased, I couldn't imagine what the hell I was going to do.

 

The pain can be excruciating after a break-up, even if you're the one who decided to leave and even if you KNOW logically that it's just never going to work. This was your partner and the person you made plans with, your companion and friend, and so much more.

 

In those first few months, I could not sleep, I could not eat, I actually started losing hair and it freaked me out. I couldn't think about anything but stuff related to the relationship, and I understand how much it feels like absolute, abject torture. I understand that it feels like it will just NEVER end, how hard it is to imagine when people tell you it will get better.

 

The best advice I can give here, the tactic that truly saved my ass, is to force yourself to start disciplining your mind. No outside person or force is going to save you from this, you've got to do it yourself. At first that feels unfair and impossible, but in the end I swear it results in being more empowered. It also puts you in a position to choose a better partner when you're finally ready to be out there again.

 

You've GOT to get out of the house, start doing new things, and really try making new friends. At first it will feel like an exercise in futility because you'll still be thinking about the relationship ALL THE TIME against your will, but the more you distract yourself, the less the pain of the break-up will be intrusive.

 

Honestly, right now you're not in any position to be able to think straight about the relationship objectively. It's ALL emotion right now. As counter-intuitive as this sounds, it's NORMAL to feel totally disrupted right after a break-up. You've just got to find the strength to kick your own ass and force yourself to get out, stay busy, and get things done for yourself even when you don't want to and even when you think you can't.

 

You need distance. You need time to reconnect with yourself and get involved with YOU again. Once you do this, you'll honestly be in such a better position to judge the relationship better. It's really good that you're not acting on any of the impulses to call or write, that's REALLY good. I know it doesn't FEEL very good right now, I totally understand because I went through it, but it really IS GOOD. Just stay away, even if you need to unplug your computer or shove your cell phone into the bottom of the laundry basket or something. You'll thank yourself later.

 

Right now, I know it sucks to a degree that can't even be put into words. But just work hard to move forward with your own life and get that distance. Allow yourself to feel lonely, allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to take it easy if it gets too overwhelming. Just don't allow yourself to believe the problems in the relationship were all your fault, don't allow yourself to believe you can come up with the magic answer to fix everything if you just think about it long enough.

 

Just survive right now, and don't call. This pain will NOT last forever. I personally had to get through about 5-6 months of feeling utterly blown apart before daily life started to feel somewhat evened out and normal again. There's no set time limit on things like this, just take it day by day and keep telling yourself that it will get better.

 

Life won't feel this awful forever, it really, really won't.

 

Keep talking, keep venting, don't apologize. It's good to let it out, keep working through it and especially start filling your life up with new things. See movies you normally wouldn't, listen to music you wouldn't usually, try making some new friends who weren't there for the relationship and save discussions about the relationship only with those who have been there the whole time. I know it helped me to get out of the house around new people who didn't know anything about my divorce, it was like a reprieve from the pain and I could just learn how to have fun again with people wholly unconnected to my past.

 

You're not alone, just keep moving forward and be good to yourself as much as possible. Much, much luck to you

[flow15]

Thank you all for your great advice, I do realise it will just take time...

 

However I have just reached an all time low... Pictures on facebook came up on my home page, from my ex's birthday celebrations last night. were not friends on facebook but we have a few mutual friends, who i have just deleted cos i cant let this happen again...

 

i feel sick... hes all over a girl in all the pics, theyre holding hands and they look happy, he is tagged in these pics! when we were together he used to untag every pic we were in together, and he would never hold hands with me let alone pose in photos with me.

 

I dont understand... for a year he told me he loved me so much, how can he be with this girl in less than 3 weeks weve been apart and look like hes so in love?!

 

it just confirms he is a a liar, and i definitely do not want him back now... especially cos the girl in the pics looks like an absolute w*ore and so trashy..... she just isnt his type at all!!!

 

I feel like i dont know him at all, and i dont understand for the life of me why i am in love with someone who does not give a s*it about me and who has treated me so badly... why did he do this to me? and how have i let him?!!?

Edited February 15, 2011 by flow15

[Whimsical_Ninja]

Flow, holy crap I've been where you are right now. I was married and was with my ex for over four years, he cheated and left me for a girl he met at his job three weeks earlier. He didn't remove me as a friend on Facebook before he changed his status from 'married' to me, to 'in a relationship' with the other girl. He posted a 'love' picture of them as his default. He claimed he didn't realize I would see it.

 

Logically, I was fully aware I had been married to a really screwed-up person, but emotionally it felt like I was some disposable piece of trash thrown to the side when he didn't want it anymore. I can't even describe the pain I felt, but you can probably guess right now.

 

Honey, one day it will make so much more sense than it does now. Of course you still have feelings for him, you can't just turn it off because on your side of it, you truly loved him. You would never have treated him that way even if you had to break up with him, because that's not who YOU are. That does YOU credit and shows you're worth more than this ass. I know right now it probably doesn't make sense emotionally because it hurts so bad, but I hope logically you accept that.

 

In my situation, I think perhaps my ex had drifted away and lost interest way earlier than I would have ever expected, but he did not have the respect or consideration to talk about any of it with me. When people leave someone and move into another relationship that quickly, it usually speaks a lot about the kind of person they are.

 

They can't handle relationships like adults and can't take responsibility for their share. They are more concerned about their inability to cope when problems arise than they are about how their choices will affect the partner. Mature people confront problems in relationships even if it might be painful or awkward, they accept that relationships are work. If they're unhappy, they talk about it and this translates to respect for both the relationship AND their partner. When they refuse to deal with it, shift 100% of the blame on the other person, and come up with all sorts of reasons it's OK not to break-up until they find another person of interest, they are simply irresponsible and immature.

 

To this day, I couldn't tell you definitively why my ex did what he did because he did not talk to me, he would not discuss anything, and he literally just took off and cut off. You might never definitively know WHY, but up the road it won't hurt so bad not knowing.

 

You're still thinking of things in the 'relationship' state of mind, the part of you that would have tried to work things out or make changes if he had handled things like an adult. It's hard to shake that instinct, but it will wear off. Right now, it sounds like you're still examining yourself and wondering what YOU might have done. You still see him as the person you THOUGHT you knew, rather than who he ACTUALLY IS.

 

This will change. I had to get over the guy I THOUGHT my ex was, and I had to accept who he turned out to ACTUALLY BE. It becomes clearer as time goes on.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to experience this right now, I know how bad it hurts. Hang in there, okay? *HUG*

[flow15]

I know... its really hard to accept that he not the person I fell in love with anymore. Or maybe the person I fell in love with was all an act, and this is the real him?

 

The thing is I don't think the girl in the pictures is his new girlfriend, his reason for breaking up with me was because he didn't want a relationship. I realize that if he loved me enough he would be in a relationship with me, but I know for sure he didnt want a relationship as he loves his freedom too much, so I think this girl is just sex to him. But it still hurts that he would have a girl that is just sex to him, all night by his side on his birthday.

 

Maybe she does mean more to him.... thats what hurts the most. Three weeks ago he told me he loved me, missed me and didnt want to lose me. And I feel I've been replaced by the most trashiest girl ever!! What does that say about me??

[Good Arms]

And I feel I've been replaced by the most trashiest girl ever!! What does that say about me??

 

It says NOTHING about you... but it says a lot about HIM!

 

When people leave someone and move into another relationship that quickly, it usually speaks a lot about the kind of person they are.

 

Totally agree.

 

I saw my ex in town with someone, just a month on from her dumping me, and this guy just didn't seem her type at all. I don't know if it was someone she was dating (she posted on Facebook not long before that she was excited someone at work was interested in her - yeah, thanks for thinking of my feelings 3 weeks after dumping me when you did that!! ). I suppose there's a chance it was a male friend or something I saw her with, but whatever. It destroyed me at the time. From what I've heard on the grapevine she's still single, but I suspect she did have a fling with this guy.

 

It mystifies me how people can move on so fast, and get together with people so out of character. But it seems to happen a lot from reading people's stories. In my opinion it only reflects on them, although I know from my limited experience how much it hurts and how it destroys your self-esteem to see it happen.

 

Well done for deleting mutual friends on FB, by the way. That will help you avoid seeing things you don't want to. I'm kind of stuck with some on there and I'm always dreading what I'll find out, and always tempted to snoop via their profiles.

[z00m25]

Know exactly how you feel. My ex left and is flaunting her **** all around town back home, luckily im in another state and dont have to worry about running in to her. Its been over a month and i know im hurting so much because i put everything in my life aside just for our relationship, i gave up my friends, money, everything i liked doing because thats what she wanted. In the back of my mind I always knew that the day would come where we broke up but i tried doing everything in my power to prevent it. When she left I never got an explanation or apology or honestly anything besides her bitching at me for coming home more to see my friends.

 

I still cant believe she handled everything how she did or has yet to speak to me the entire time. And i find out yesterday that shes talking to this guy from out here who she worked with about how she misses him so much and doesnt know why and how she loved the idea of being his gf and whatnot. She gives up 2 years of my hardwork and love for this rando. And honestly I could see if he was goodlooking but i was shocked when i saw who it actually was lol. I never did trust her but i believed her constant lies and knew something had to of been going on but she assured me i never had anything to worry about when obviously i did. I no longer regret all the hurtful things i said to her in the end before she left because it was all true. And now, im stuck here in another state since i moved out here to be with her, knowing next to noone. I cannot wait to be over this.

[Whimsical_Ninja]

It says NOTHING about you... but it says a lot about HIM!

 

I absolutely agree. I did the same things at first, asking that age-old question of "What does she have that I don't have?", I think that's just par for the course. I compared myself, I dissected myself trying to figure out what 'flaws' drove him away, etc.

 

You've got to stop yourself from doing it though. When someone leaves you like that, without discussion or honesty you can believe in, they're leaving you with room to come up with a million potential reasons why they walked away, 99.9% of which probably have absolutely nothing to do with the ACTUAL reasons.

 

Remember that ANY relationship involves TWO people. Sure, you probably did make mistakes or mess up sometimes, we all have flaws and don't always get things right. This does not give anyone a valid reason to callously ditch someone or mistreat them. Don't make the mistake of taking blame that is not yours to take.

 

I personally thought about it to death for the first month or so after he left. But I came to the realization that he left me with nothing REAL to work with or reflect on. He left me to guess and project, and that's a terrible thing to do to someone. It did speak a lot about HIS character, and the fact he himself had problems and issues he could not deal with. It was not on me.

 

I'm not saying I was the perfect spouse, because of course I wasn't. I made mistakes which I reflected on and took responsibility for (for my own benefit), but at the end of it all, none of those things constituted any valid reason for my ex to treat me the way he did. I started realizing I had become a person I didn't like in that marriage, and while I didn't play the blame game and say he MADE me that way (he never held a gun to my head), I realized that I was in a very unhealthy and destructive relationship.

 

Would you really want to be with someone who makes a CHOICE to treat another the way he treated you? Do you value yourself enough to see yourself with the kind of person who (even if they're not perfect) has principles and is dignified in their dealings with others?

 

 

Well done for deleting mutual friends on FB, by the way. That will help you avoid seeing things you don't want to. I'm kind of stuck with some on there and I'm always dreading what I'll find out, and always tempted to snoop via their profiles.

 

I can't stress enough how much I agree with deleting your ex, as well as mutual friends on Facebook. It was only a few days after he left when he changed his status, and I deleted him immediately. I also deleted mutual friends and I explained the situation briefly in a very short message (I didn't include gory details, I just said we had broken up and I just felt it best to leave Facebook for awhile. You can always re-add people when you have more distance. I re-added a couple, but it turned out that I actually wasn't close and didn't need a lot of them on the 'friends list' in the end anyway).

 

I also went about removing pictures, and any reminders of him. I re-did my house, and basically 'cleaned house' of him. This helped me immeasurably to move on. I had to do it like a robot, I had to just force myself to do it. The emotional side wanted to hang on, like "What if he comes to his senses and wants to talk? What if I'm not ready yet? What if ________?". I just forced myself to ignore it.

 

Because there just has to come a time when you consciously make the decision that IT'S OVER and stick to it. YOU have to take control and decide there are no more chances for this person to be in your life again. When you have children between you, that's different of course, but if you have the chance to go free and clear, you've got to get to that point. It's hard enough to move on and heal after someone treats you that way (cheating, finding someone new before breaking up, etc.) without keeping stuff around that tempts you to hang on to a dead relationship. I know that sounds harsh, it was for me at first, but it saved me in more ways than I can say. Just don't put all the cards in the hands of the other to decide how things will work out, remember you have the right to make choices and take actions just like the other does.

 

For what it's worth, you guys sound like you're doing really well to me. Probably doesn't FEEL that way, but from my end it sounds like you are. Instead of just trash talking or feeding hateful feelings, you guys sound like you're trying to make sense of it and do the right thing for yourselves. That's absolutely excellent from my point of view.

[z00m25]

i really like all the positivity in this thread even in a time of such sadness. To add to my above post however someone from back home randomly texted me yesterday and against my will told me that she had cheated on me on at least 4 other occasions before we even moved out here. 3 of which were people i know and then a "clubowner" And who knows there could be more lol. what a horrible person i spent so much of my time with! i mean jeez! guess i need to rethink my friends now as well!

[GreenPolicy]

 

Logically, I was fully aware I had been married to a really screwed-up person, but emotionally it felt like I was some disposable piece of trash thrown to the side when he didn't want it anymore. I can't even describe the pain I felt, but you can probably guess right now.

 

 

Whimsical Ninja, I enjoy reading your posts because you have been where I have been (although you had more invested, a marriage and a child, whereas I had a broken engagement). I am four months removed from the breakup and it feels good to read your posts and see someone describe EXACTLY how I feel and have felt over these past few months and you came out on other side. I don't know for sure whether or not my ex lined up somebody else before leaving, but it doesn't matter. The fact that she made a commitment to marry me, broke that commitment and sooner or later will date somebody else is enough of a betrayal as it is. Like your ex-husband, she never expressed any dissatisfaction with me or the relationship, never gave me any indication that she was unhappy and contemplating leaving. Five days before she dumped me she told me in an email what kind of engagement ring she wanted. A month before she told me that she wanted our parents to meet at dinner. Six weeks before she's emailing me suggestions for wedding venues. So intellectually I can see that somebody has issues if they can go so quickly from one end of the spectrum to the other, but emotionally I also feel so hurt by having been treated like such disposable garbage.

[Whimsical_Ninja]

@GreenPolicy:

 

We didn't have a child, and I was able to make the clean break.

 

I really relate to what you wrote. Not sure if I wrote this previously, but my ex was talking about what our future children would be named and telling me how happy he was with what we had on that Monday, then by that Friday he was saying he didn't love me anymore and was leaving for this other girl. There was a fight (over a bagel sandwich, if you can believe it) on the Wednesday morning of that week and that night he stayed out all night with the girl.

 

My ex blew my mind with his behavior the night he left. I told him I really did want to punch him, and he seriously said "Well you really don't have to do anything, her boyfriend's father is ex-CIA so maybe he'll be taking care of it for you". The girl he left me for was kicking her boyfriend out of her apartment that weekend and they actually expected me to let him stay at the house for the weekend while he boyfriend moved out. In the four years I was with him, I never read his texts, messed with his phone, or any of that. That night was the only time I ever intercepted a text because she kept calling and texting every ten minutes or so. I'll never forget that she wrote to him "I can't wait to see you. I'm soooooooo effing excited! I love you so much!".

 

Between his remark about the ex-CIA (like this guy's father would have nothing better to do than form a covert op to snuff him out? lol) and her text, I just sort of went into this dumbfounded haze thinking "There is just nothing I can say, they're in their own little world of drama". Everything he did was reminiscent of teenager behavior, and it gave me this reality check I think I had avoided seeing the entire time I was with him.

 

I can laugh about a lot of it now, because I truly find a lot of it funny. At the time though, I was absolutely in shock and spent the first few days on Vicodin leftover from an oral surgery just to be able to function. I had nightmares constantly, I couldn't sleep in our bed for awhile and slept in my work room instead, and I started losing hair, having crying/panic attacks out of nowhere. All of it.

 

People told me it would get better, but it was indeed hard to imagine at the time. I could not fathom how it ever would, the pain was so intense and my whole life had been turned upside down. Like I said, it was like my future had been wiped away overnight and all I could see ahead was this scary blank void.

 

My goodness though, it really DOES get better. Honestly, I am so glad I did not continue on in that relationship and I am honestly happier now than I ever have been in my entire life, even when things were good between him and I.

 

I understand myself better, I worked out a lot of issues of my own that I think would have went unchecked if he hadn't done what he did (primarily, my low standards for myself and my willingness to allow mistreatment of me, which started before he came along and had to stop). I accomplished things I never thought I could, and discovered abilities I didn't know I had. I reconnected with the things I liked and I learned how to have better relationships with people. I learned how to choose people who are better for me and gained so much confidence.

 

I never would have thought any of that would come at the beginning. I never would have imagined it, everything felt so sickening and dark and frightening. I had a lot of help in the divorce support group I joined, it wasn't too different from this message board. People in all stages of divorce, letting me know I wasn't crazy for feeling what I was and that it would get better. Always reminded me it would get better, and to just hang on to that thought.

 

Now that I'm on the other side I can say that everything they said was true. You've just got to stay positive, find ways to laugh even when s**t feels the worst, and keep striving for better things and happier times.

 

They ARE out there, this wretched time won't last forever.

[fiat500]

Hi flow15, since you were so kind to reply to my thread, i'm replying to yours. you told me you saw similarities in my story to yours.

 

you are not alone. your ex will never find someone like you ever again and he will NEVER deal with the issues he has. if he never does that he will end up alone or STUCK with someone he doesn't want to be with. there's only so many times you can avoid dealing with just yourself and having to face your f**kups. and sooner or later he will have to realize that he's a dick.

Edited February 18, 2011 by fiat500

[flow15]

Hi flow15, since you were so kind to reply to my thread, i'm replying to yours. you told me you saw similarities in my story to yours.

 

you are not alone. your ex will never find someone like you ever again and he will NEVER deal with the issues he has. if he never does that he will end up alone or STUCK with someone he doesn't want to be with. there's only so many times you can avoid dealing with just yourself and having to face your f**kups. and sooner or later he will have to realize that he's a dick.

 

I feel so bad for those of you who were married for years and then got cheated on... That must have been so awful, my ex didn't cheat on me and we weren't even married and I feel like absolute crap...

 

I''ve got to a point now where I am realising I am far better off, I don't feel like I want him back...I just miss the good times.. however today I had a pretty bad day, I kept visualising him with this girl.... literally all day I kept thinking about it, and everytime I did it made me feel sick!

 

fiat... I hope he realises how much of a dick he was to me, and I hope he realises what he lost.