Lilmisus Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 My boyfriend of eight months has told me he loves me a few times. The first time was about five months ago after a very nice and light conversation and while we were saying goodbye and he was holding me tight. It kind of went like: "Bye, I love you" and I just turned my head up to look at him, not thinking I heard him correctly and looking very confused. He then went off saying how he didn't know why he said that, it was a mistake, oops!, etc. After doing quite a bit of nodding and keeping the shocked expression, and saying it was ok, he looked at me and said "I love you..as a friend" to which I said that was worse. I tried to change the subject though and calm him down, and just tried to ignore it. (Apparently, he got completely wasted after leaving me, and according to him, can't remember anything about that night. Don't know if I believe him or not). Almost two months later (around Thanksgiving) him and my family were out, and he started hinting that he was trying to tell me that he loved me again. You know, emphasizing the word love in conversations, asking what love was, singing love songs and pointing to me at the parts where it said "I love you," along with many other ways. After the first instance where he told me he loved me though, I've felt somewhat nervous and afraid to believe him, and so I'd just ignore it each time he'd mention love. This lasted about two months, and his "hints" kept getting less subtle, and more like he was waiting for me to take the bait. On our seven month, he flat out told me "I think I'm in love." When he said this I said "What was that?" and he said it again, and I said "Is that so?" and he looked at me and said "Yeah." I just said "mmmm" to this and looked out the window since we were driving. He started singing a love song again, and I cuddled up against him, just hoping to hear him say it again, but he didn't. Not until a few days later when he said he loved me again. The issue here is: The first time he said it, shook me and hurt me. To hear him say "I don't love you" and that he does as a friend really made me question our relationship and his feelings for me. He said at the very beginning before we became a couple that he would never tell someone he loved them if he didn't, since he made that mistake with his ex of three years. I know without a doubt that I'm in love with him, even though I've yet to say it. I fell in love with him on our second date ten months ago, but have been too scared to step it up and express my feelings for him, especially since I fell in love so soon. I want to hear him say "I love you" again, and to be able to say "I Love you too" and I fear that if I just say "I love you" he'll switch the tables on me and not say it back. So, today, I bought and gave him a Valentine's day bear to ease the stress, and it said "Love" on a heart it was holding. I was hoping that he got the message and knew what I was trying to say, but he didn't say anything along the lines of "love", and hasn't since about a month ago. And tomorrow, the day that we're actually celebrating Valentine's day, I made him a card and at the end I wrote "I love you" after saying all that he means to me. Is this a good idea, or no? Or should I just let it out and shout "I love you" like I've honestly been dying to do for the past almost months (but have been way to scared to do)?
Aveenolover Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Yes, i definitely think you should just tell him. It may hurt his feelings or seem like its not as important to you if you first tell him you love him on a vday card. Look him in the eyes and tell him. He clearly loves you, and if he doesnt say it back right away, its probably not because he doesnt love you...I mean, he told you already a few times he loved you and you didnt say anything back to him. Maybe hes feeling like you dont feel the same? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain:)
bellabella Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I completely agree with the post above, tell him! I was in the reverse situation where I had told my boyfriend I loved him and he didn't say for about 2 months. When he eventually did tell me, I didn't say it back right away as I was shocked, but so pleased. In those couple of months when I'd said it and he hadn't. i hardly ever said it again as it hurt that he didn't feel the same way (he has since said he'd felt it for ages but was too scared to say it). So, take the initiative and tell him as he will no doubt be pleased to hear it back!
waynebrady Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 How many times does he have to say it before you say it back? Your post just further confirms my belief that women really do have a problem with saying "i love you" to their guy, my theory is that women simply can't stand expressing any love for a man and saying it just causes them to feel resentment. Women wanna hear it but they don't wanna say it back(unless offcourse they're forced too like in weddings).
Author Lilmisus Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 How many times does he have to say it before you say it back? Your post just further confirms my belief that women really do have a problem with saying "i love you" to their guy, my theory is that women simply can't stand expressing any love for a man and saying it just causes them to feel resentment. Women wanna hear it but they don't wanna say it back(unless offcourse they're forced too like in weddings). That's not necessarily true. You can express love in many, many different ways, and since him and I've been seeing each other, I've made sure to SHOW him I loved him, just have yet to say it. I strongly believe that if you don't show someone love, then you have no business saying it, since actions speak louder than words, and so that's basically been my goal: show it, then say it (which with exes, I didn't worry about, I just said "I love you" constantly but it had no real meaning). Except for the fact that I'm scared to death of saying it, in fear of being rejected..basically what I've done to him quite a few times now, which I do greatly regret. My only hope is that I haven't hurt him or made him question my feelings towards him. And if you throw in the fact that for most (if not all) of my life I've had SAD (social anxiety disorder) and have been basically "battling" getting over it for the past four yours, you'll see that you can throw out my post from being evidence for your "theory" since I'm kind of a special case. He's helped me tremendously through it though, and he knows how hard it is for me to say new things, or do new things, and it's just another reason why I love him, since having SAD is now something more of in the past for me than it was ten months ago, before I met him.
Author Lilmisus Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Yes, i definitely think you should just tell him. It may hurt his feelings or seem like its not as important to you if you first tell him you love him on a vday card. Look him in the eyes and tell him. He clearly loves you, and if he doesnt say it back right away, its probably not because he doesnt love you...I mean, he told you already a few times he loved you and you didnt say anything back to him. Maybe hes feeling like you dont feel the same? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain:) Very true, thank you . I honestly just don't know when or how to say it, I just know without a doubt I want to say it today since he's treating me to a very romantic date tonight. Every time I've tried to say it, I freeze up, and just hope that he can see it in my eyes how I feel towards him, even if I'm not verbally saying it (which I actually included a quote in the card that was about that). But you are definitely right, there is nothing to lose and everything to gain, and I just hope I "gain" everything tonight.
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