Woman: A right to be sad about being single if she's rejected every guy who's asked?

[Content]

Ugly people don't fancy other ugly people. Same goes for depressed, miserable, angry. What we like in others is pretty much the same regardless of what we ourselves are like.

 

Exactly all women want hot guys they dont see average or ugly guys different because they are

 

Even if u think a girls in your league or below you still have to win her over and put in tons of work if yore only average..

[Jazzari]

I have to disagree.

 

If a girl considers a guy great, more than likely a bunch of others do as well. They almost seem to be a "hive mind" in what they are attracted to.

I'm sure there are certain characterists that most people are attracted to but....

 

My girlfriend and I both like men who are honest and good looking. But our definition of good looking is drastically different. She loves the muscle bound, buzzed hair, jock type. I prefer the slender, messy hair, rugged look.

 

I like men with high intelligence. She prefers a working man.

 

She's much prettier than I am, but I would never consider dating one of her men. And I'm sure she is equally unimpressed with my choices. But we both feel we have "great" men.

[TheBigQuestion]

OP, why exactly do you think you NEED to settle for someone "average"? Also, when you say "average," do you refer specifically to appearance or to personality, intelligence, how well the two of you would get along, etc?

 

I just think that chasing after average people, having average goals, and accepting yourself as average are all fantastic ways to waste the very short time we have on this planet. I have a hard time understanding people who glorify being average or accept it because it is by definition the status quo. Could this be a by-product of my severe egotism that borders on self-delusion? Sure. But the point stands.

 

Who cares if most men are "average?" What factors about yourself make you think that you cannot ever become "great?"

[VertexSquared]

How on earth did this thread blow up to nine pages when the best answer was given in the very first reply?

[bac]

So while I just want to get some experience and have fun, girls are looking for their husbands even at 20 years old?

 

So unless the dude is husband material, she won't even consider dating him?

 

Sure, their ovaries produce estrogens which make them follow their females' instinkts (to desire love/emotional attachment and to score to become a wife and a mother). Even, if some girls are brainwashed into meaningful sex, the females' instinkts do control them unconsciously anyway. It does not mean that they do not have meaningful sex sometimes but the meaningful sex is just the road to the major goal which is to find the right guy.

 

Males have the balls which produce testosterone which make them follow their males's instinkts (to desire sex).

[zengirl]

So while I just want to get some experience and have fun, girls are looking for their husbands even at 20 years old?

 

So unless the dude is husband material, she won't even consider dating him?

 

I think at that age most girls are trying to figure out what husband material is. Some girls don't care and are just having fun. Some take it seriously. I know I would've failed miserably in picking a husband at 20.

 

At my age (26), I wouldn't consider dating someone who definitely isn't husband material, and that's been true since I was about 22. But I graduated college at 20, so am perhaps a step ahead on that. I'd say those days aren't far away but likely aren't true in college, in terms of women looking for H material.

 

Plenty of women won't date a guy who isn't LTR material, and I was always that way.

[somedude81]

What I'm trying to do is figure out if I have a chance at all in this game.

 

I highly doubt that I'm LTR material since I have no relationship experience, I'm not particularly attractive, actually a bit below average thanks to my height. I also don't know how to talk to girls in a male/female context.

 

I'm wondering how many women decide after two seconds that there is no relationship potential with me so they never give me a chance. They think they are better off waiting for somebody who is LTR material.

[waynebrady]

I'm gonna try and be as non-bitter as possible now... but honestly just asking but how much would it really affect you as a woman if you were always single and never found a guy?

 

A good amount of you give off the take it or leave it vibe(basicly if the guy doesn't jump through hoops and busts his ass trying to please me he won't get me vibe)... atleast here on this forum, I just have a hard time seeing as to how a woman with this attitude would even care if she was permanentley single.... never mind sad.

 

What is it about men that would make you sad if you never had one? After all we men aren't even worth enough for you to put in any effort into us...

[zengirl]

What I'm trying to do is figure out if I have a chance at all in this game.

 

Pretty much everyone has a chance in this game.

 

I highly doubt that I'm LTR material since I have no relationship experience, I'm not particularly attractive, actually a bit below average thanks to my height. I also don't know how to talk to girls in a male/female context.

 

My boyfriend is below average height now (5'10'' -- they raised it, last I heard), and I've dated plenty of men in the 5'7''-5'10'' range. When you get under 5'6'', I think there's a significant impact, but not much beyond that. Really. Sure, some girls prefer tall men, but I know many shorter guys who do just fine. Average looks means nothing. Everyone had no relationship experience once, and you're only in college, right? Seriously. The reason you're struggling so much probably comes down to this:

 

You're so damn down on yourself. Why would anyone else dig you? Find the great things about yourself and celebrate them. Even if they don't seem to apply to dating. At least celebrate them for you. Focus more on them than your perceived flaws. And, when you do see a flaw, either fix it or accept it, and stop fussing about it.

 

I'm wondering how many women decide after two seconds that there is no relationship potential with me so they never give me a chance. They think they are better off waiting for somebody who is LTR material.

 

Who cares?

 

All you need is one you like who doesn't.

[zengirl]

I'm gonna try and be as non-bitter as possible now... but honestly just asking but how much would it really affect you as a woman if you were always single and never found a guy?

 

A good amount of you give off the take it or leave it vibe(basicly if the guy doesn't jump through hoops and busts his ass trying to please me he won't get me vibe)... atleast here on this forum, I just have a hard time seeing as to how a woman with this attitude would even care if she was permanentley single.... never mind sad.

 

What is it about men that would make you sad if you never had one? After all we men aren't even worth enough for you to put in any effort into us...

 

I put effort into my relationships. So does every healthy, well-adjusted woman I know. Your comments are all based on the same, flawed theoretical foundation.

 

To answer the first question, since you say you are sincere, theoretically, here: I am happy single, and I'm happy in a relationship. I crave happy, healthy relationships, and I'm glad I have one now. I put effort into it. I nurture it. That said, if it were to turn toxic and unsalvagable, I would not continue it and grow it at that point (I would try to save it before, but I won't be mistreated or mistreat a partner). I do think being single is better than a toxic relationship, and I can be happy with myself. I am great company. I think you need both these things for a happy relationship --- the ability to be happy alone, and the desire to be happy with another. YMMV.

[waynebrady]

I put effort into my relationships. So does every healthy, well-adjusted woman I know. Your comments are all based on the same, flawed theoretical foundation.

 

To answer the first question, since you say you are sincere, theoretically, here: I am happy single, and I'm happy in a relationship. I crave happy, healthy relationships, and I'm glad I have one now. I put effort into it. I nurture it. That said, if it were to turn toxic and unsalvagable, I would not continue it and grow it at that point (I would try to save it before, but I won't be mistreated or mistreat a partner). I do think being single is better than a toxic relationship, and I can be happy with myself. I am great company. I think you need both these things for a happy relationship --- the ability to be happy alone, and the desire to be happy with another. YMMV.

 

Nice to hear. I know I'm a bitter son of a bitch but... atleast I don't say "all" women are like that anymore. I do think theres a good amount of women with the attitude I described, but then I suppose this forum isn't the best place to base that assumption on since the women on here doesn't represent the norm in the real world.

[somedude81]

Pretty much everyone has a chance in this game.

 

My boyfriend is below average height now (5'10'' -- they raised it, last I heard), and I've dated plenty of men in the 5'7''-5'10'' range. When you get under 5'6'', I think there's a significant impact, but not much beyond that.

Yeah...I'm white and 5'6, I've never dated anybody.

 

Everyone had no relationship experience once, and you're only in college

Uh, I'm 29. Most guys my age are already married or have had a few serious LTR's. I've had none. All of my cousins older than me are married with children. My 23 year old cousin just got engaged and I think his 20 year old sister just got engaged as well.

 

At least with girls in college, most don't have a lot of relationship experience either. Once I graduate, their won't be such a large population of young women to try with.

 

The reason you're struggling so much probably comes down to this:

 

You're so damn down on yourself. Why would anyone else dig you?

I try to force myself to be happy and outgoing when I'm around people. I don't think I come across as down on myself but maybe I do. I don't know.

 

Who cares?

 

All you need is one you like who doesn't.

You're right, all I need is one. And yet that's still very hard to achieve. It's almost as if there is one brain controlling all of woman kind, and it has chosen to reject me.

[zengirl]

Nice to hear. I know I'm a bitter son of a bitch but... atleast I don't say "all" women are like that anymore. I do think theres a good amount of women with the attitude I described, but then I suppose this forum isn't the best place to base that assumption on since the women on here doesn't represent the norm in the real world.

 

Well, that's progress, WB. I agree that a forum like this is a poor mirror of the real world as a whole.

[zengirl]

Yeah...I'm white and 5'6, I've never dated anybody.

 

Then it's going to impact you. I'm not going to lie. But it's still not the end of the world. Really.

 

Uh, I'm 29. Most guys my age are already married or have had a few serious LTR's. I've had none. All of my cousins older than me are married with children. My 23 year old cousin just got engaged and I think his 20 year old sister just got engaged as well.

 

At least with girls in college, most don't have a lot of relationship experience either. Once I graduate, their won't be such a large population of young women to try with.

 

I see. That's frustrating, to be sure, but still, I believe you can be more successful if you can chill out and back away from the negative experiences and lack of success. You make it difficult, because it's been difficult, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I'm not unsympathetic. I want you to be successful.

 

I try to force myself to be happy and outgoing when I'm around people. I don't think I come across as down on myself but maybe I do. I don't know.

 

You need to be happy with YOU though, and not just around people. It has to be constant. I know that's hard, but it's the only road I know.

 

You're right, all I need is one. And yet that's still very hard to achieve. It's almost as if there is one brain controlling all of woman kind, and it has chosen to reject me.

 

I don't believe that, but I do believe that's what'll be true, until you don't believe it either. 'Whether you believe you can, or cannot, you're right.'

[Mrlonelyone]

zengirl, I understand what you are trying to do but your advice in his case sounds insensitive.

 

Somedude there exist very specific therapy for your problems. First you sound clinically depressed. Take care of that first.

 

Sex therapy may also help. In particular you need a sexual surrogate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_surrogate

 

A sex surrogate is a member of a sex therapy team who engages in intimate physical relations or sex with a patient in order to achieve a therapeutic goal. The practice was introduced by Masters and Johnson with their work on Human Sexual Inadequacy in 1970.

 

Surrogates offer therapeutic exercises to help the patient. These may include relaxation techniques, intimate communication, teaching social skills, and some sexual touching. Sex surrogate and tantra sex educator Mare Simone says that physical intimacy is a rare occurrence between her and her patients, and she will not engage in intercourse with those in committed relationships

 

I suggest that in all frankness and sincerity. All the happy talk in the world is not going to make a real difference. Once you have had some positive experience it becomes easy to deal with all the negativity.

[Disillusioned]

Sure, someone (male or female) has a right to be sad that they cannot find the partner they want. I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't want a good relationship (hypothetical in this case).

 

Anyone who sees all men, all women, or all relationships as interchangable is not really ready to date anyone. I think a mature person can very well turn down some people who aren't suitable partners and still feel sad she/he doesn't have a suitable partner on a fluffy, romantic holiday.

 

Amen, sister.

 

Seriously, a woman doesn't HAVE to be blonde for me to want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she DOES have to ditch her superior attitude if she has one.