Woman: A right to be sad about being single if she's rejected every guy who's asked?

February 15, 2011

Most women try to date out of their league till they get older and the biological clocks ticking.You have to wait till then

When i was at my physical peak id have one nighters at times with ehh women,id let em know from the begining im not interested but they were still infatuated with me ignoring guys interested in them on their level of the social food chain

February 15, 2011

Most women think their signals are so obvious and that any man should pick up on them, but more often than not they are way to subtle for the man to even notice no matter what intelligence or league he is in. This I know only by reading on the internet.

Please do tell, How you signal to a guy your intrest. Alot of your subtle signals could probably be mistaken for just being friendly, and even then what if the guy isn't even seeing you.

You know standing on the other side of the room and giving a half second glance at the guy or if sitting at the counter and moving your hand 1 inch closer to his isn't really making you intrest clear, seriously what guys are gonna pick up on that?

maybe i have experienced much differently than what you have encountered. i'm a talkative person and i laugh/smile a lot. i smile at strangers on the street just because our eyes meet. i even saying hi to them if they look at me long enough. that's me being friendly.

i've never done asking guys for their numbers so i don't know the process. however, if i'm interest in someone and depending on the environment and situation, i will show my interest by striking up a conversation with the person. if they are responsive then they talk to me, and talking lead to common interests and we go from there...

Edited February 15, 2011 by 810

February 15, 2011

Of course she does, maybe she hasn't met a guy with whom she has chemistry yet.

February 15, 2011

Most women try to date out of their league till they get older and the biological clocks ticking.You have to wait till then

When i was at my physical peak id have one nighters at times with ehh women,id let em know from the begining im not interested but they were still infatuated with me ignoring guys interested in them on their level of the social food chain

There's truth to that.

February 15, 2011

Perhaps; perhaps not. If doing something keeps returning similar unsatisfying results, try something else.

I wouldn't ask a woman who is verifiably (like 'broadcasting' it) sad and alone out on a date. Why? Because I don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness, either directly or as an inspiration. She's as entitled to her sadness as I am to my happiness (from the same circumstances, in this instance) but I doubt those two dynamics will ever meet in a healthy way.

I'm not trying to make her happy. I'm trying to capitalize on the situation. Maybe we both can benefit.

Do you know how many men she has chased and they rejected her? I hope you do not expect her to present you a list of her failures on FB. She is a real girl who falls for guys and who got rejected. If she does not like you it does not mean that she does not like any guy.

No. But knowing what they look like and what their personalities are, I'd assume very few men have rejected them.

If a girl is going for a guy way out of her league or is already taken, then it's her fault for being rejected.

Odds are the guys she's rejecting are normal decent guys. But for some reason, not good enough for her. She may also prefer some ridiculous "type" that doesn't occur in the real world.

There is the only game to get girls who much younger than you. The game is very old and simple. The game is having money and spending it on a girl. Every man in need of a much younger girl uses the method and it works out well on many girls. There is no other method to make a much younger girl to tell you that she loves and wants you .

I shouldn't have to be super rich to date girls. If I do, then it only proves my "princess" point.

Please correct me if I am wrong, OP--but while I know that you genuinely struggle with dating and interpersonal dynamics, I also seem to recall that you HAVE been approached with interest by women in the past. However, you felt no chemistry with those women, and rejected/avoided them because you thought they were unattractive/overweight and they didn't appeal to you romantically/sexually. Is that so or am I misremembering you?

That is true but I'm not sure how it is relevant. All three women were below my minimum standards and I still gave one a chance.

If a normal looking dude with nothing actually wrong with him is below a woman's standards, then something tells me her standards are too high.

Most women try to date out of their league till they get older and the biological clocks ticking.You have to wait till then

When i was at my physical peak id have one nighters at times with ehh women,id let em know from the begining im not interested but they were still infatuated with me ignoring guys interested in them on their level of the social food chain

That's a great point.

And it makes realize how much things suck as a normal dude.

February 15, 2011

hang in there and realize women arent worth the headache.Theyre probably more shallow and pickier then guys and overvalue their looks but were partly to blame,well bang anything and tell them anything to get in their pants which overinflates their egos and gives em a sense of entitlement

February 15, 2011

Most women try to date out of their league till they get older and the biological clocks ticking.You have to wait till then

funny how you said that. because some women abide to what they want regardless of their age.

the other night, i had a conversation with my gf who is in her 40s. she complains how she couldn't find a guy that she wants so i asked her that everyone has a ruler that they live by, if a person doesn't fully live up to her measurement (meaning short by an inch or two,) what would she do? she told me that she'll find another guy.

i do feel bad for the guys that they have to be a perfect 10 to date certain women. why can't people alter their rulers? find a new one.

February 15, 2011

funny how you said that. because some women abide to what they want regardless of their age.

the other night, i had a conversation with my gf who is in her 40s. she complains how she couldn't find a guy that she wants so i asked her that everyone has a ruler that they live by, if a person doesn't fully live up to her measurement (meaning short by an inch or two,) what would she do? she told me that she'll find another guy.

i do feel bad for the guys that they have to be a perfect 10 to date certain women. why can't people alter their rulers? find a new one.

Most women by that age will "settle" with wanting kids badly and the negative stigma of single women

Why the pickiness? women are attracted to less men then vice versa,most women chase after the same small group of men till they realize the men who approach them are their available pool

February 15, 2011

No. But knowing what they look like and what their personalities are, I'd assume very few men have rejected them.

The point is the ones we wanted the most are the ones we get rejected by.

I have had male friends over the years, who have said this or that guy is crazy to reject me, but it doesn't change the fact that not all guys will be interested in the same girl.

And it doesn't matter if a million guys want me, if the one I really want doesn't. It still hurts.

BTW I wouldn't post it on FB though. That would just be lame.

February 15, 2011

Stop trying? Now you lost me. I rarely actually get to go on dates with girls. Virtually every girl I've been into already had a boyfriend, or she rejected me while she was single.

Yes, stop trying and start doing. Ask her on a date, or don't ask her on a date, but trying to judge her and ask everyone else here to do the same is doing neither - you're trying to get some oddballs on the Internet to tell you what you think.

In fact, forget this girl. Go to your local mal and notice how many attractive women there are just about everywhere. Shoppers, yummy mummies, girls on the checkouts, waitresses, literally there are hundreds of hot women in your town. Maybe flirt a bit with some of then. Do a double take as you pass a window and see if you get the attention of a woman in there. Give her a smile if you do. She'll like it, you'll like it. This is what dating is. It's all about fun. Keep coming up with little flirty things like that and notice just how good it feels inside, especially when someone flirts back with you. Hell, you might bump into that girl from Facebook some time and be able to flirt like a pro by the time you do and it'll be Goodnight, Charlie from then on.

Just stop thinking so much and start realising you are not a third party - you are the only party in your life and someone might be lucky enough to share it with you, when you're ready.

February 15, 2011

That is true but I'm not sure how it is relevant. All three women were below my minimum standards and I still gave one a chance.

.

It's very relevant, somedude. It's the exact same thing. You felt no chemistry with those women, so you rejected them because you didn't want to force yourself into a relationship you didn't feel enthusiastic about, and yet you still feel lonely and alone because you're not with somebody you connect with. My mind actually boggles that you don't see any hypocrisy here.

February 16, 2011

The point is the ones we wanted the most are the ones we get rejected by.

I have had male friends over the years, who have said this or that guy is crazy to reject me, but it doesn't change the fact that not all guys will be interested in the same girl.

And it doesn't matter if a million guys want me, if the one I really want doesn't. It still hurts.

BTW I wouldn't post it on FB though. That would just be lame.

Sorry but that sounds very childish.

That's like me having my heart set on getting Lucy Pinder and believing that she is the one. But when I'm rejected by her I feel that there is nobody else out there for me and that I will forever be alone.

If I truly believed it and told somebody, they'd call me an idiot.

Yes, stop trying and start doing. Ask her on a date, or don't ask her on a date, but trying to judge her and ask everyone else here to do the same is doing neither - you're trying to get some oddballs on the Internet to tell you what you think.

In fact, forget this girl.

LOL, now I see where you are coming from. Yes this thread is influenced by a specific girl, two actually. I've known other girls who also complained about being single who most likely rejected a bunch of guys. I was also very close with a girl last year who was single for as long as I knew her. Of course she rejected me, but since I never once heard her complain about being single or wanting a boyfriend, she's not included in the group.

IMO a girl is only single because she wants to be. (Of course there are some exceptions. Health issues, being completely unattractive etc.)

BTW, I appreciate your whole flirting segment. It is something that I truly suck at and need to improve.

I only "dated" two girls last year. Three dates with one, and one date with the other. With such little exposure, I am nothing but a 3rd party learning how how dating and relationships really are.

It's very relevant, somedude. It's the exact same thing. You felt no chemistry with those women, so you rejected them because you didn't want to force yourself into a relationship you didn't feel enthusiastic about, and yet you still feel lonely and alone because you're not with somebody you connect with. My mind actually boggles that you don't see any hypocrisy here.

Chemistry is not a word that men use because it's something not easily explained.

I felt nothing for those women because they were too heavy for me. That's a simple, easy to understand answer. If a woman told me that she didn't want to date me because I was too short, ugly, stupid etc. I'd understand that. But saying that she doesn't feel any chemistry, I don't know what to do with that answer.

My main basis of what makes my interested in a girl is simple. She has to be cute, which at least 70% of college age girls are, and that she's fun to talk to and interact with.

I have no idea what criteria women go by. If it was anything like mine, I would have gotten a girlfriend a long time ago

February 16, 2011

I can't figure out if you guys are either incredibly bitter or incredibly unknowledgable.

Eh, makes me wonder which guys she wants to notice her interests if they aren't picking up on it. My guess is that they are way out of her league or already taken. Otherwise, they'd be dating her.

I'm so confused by your arguments I don't even know where to start. A few of the really brutal rejections that I felt (albeit as an eighteen year old) were because the guys that I was really into just weren't looking for a relationship. It had nothing to do with me (I know because we hooked up many times a week) and everything to do with him. I called it off after he wouldn't step up to the plate for a relationship, he stayed single until only about two years ago and he's been with the girl ever since.

No it isn't. A woman just giving out signals isn't putting her "neck on the line" the same way a man who walks up and approaches a woman do.

Whats worse, not having the guy notice your signals or get openly rejected and shot down?

Uh, how can you say "No, you don't feel that way". That's moronic. It FEELS the same to a woman to be shut down when she is putting out hints and signals as it does to a man who asks someone out and is rejected outright. Of course it feels the same. It feels like rejection. It doesn't matter if you don't think we are putting our emotions and feelings out there -- the point is that it is how a woman feels.

To paraphrase: having a guy not notice signals = getting openly rejected.

Not to all women, but to many. Just like not all guys give a crap about rejection -- "on to the next one!"

As for the original post.. people who post sob stories on FB make me want to puke. That is just begging for attention and validation, the same way a skinny beautiful girl will go around calling herself fat. It's absurd and humouring them does nothing to solve the (non-existant) self-esteem problem. I wouldn't go after these girls unless this was a valentine's related moment of weakness and they are actually stable. Unstable people are just a black hole, especially if you're just trying to get into dating seriously.

February 16, 2011

But saying that she doesn't feel any chemistry, I don't know what to do with that answer.

It means that she's not feeling any "love chemicals" flow through her body. What are love chemicals?

estrogen (and testosterone for men) - Plays a role in sex drive.

Dopamine - The "pleasure chemical," produces a feeling of bliss.

Norepinephrine - Similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement.

Lack of Serotonin - Serotonin prevents obsessive and compulsive behavior. When you fall in love your serotonin levels drop significantly.

Oxytocin - Plays a role in bonding behavior between humans.

Vasopressin - Plays a role in forming long-term relationships between humans. It also encourages monogamy within a human being.

Endorphins - Are the body's natural painkillers. Feelings of physical pain, attachment and addiction form in the same area of the brain as where feelings of love are formed. Endorphins are released to increase feelings of well being in long term relationships. Ironically enough, endorphin is also addictive.

Do with that information what you want, but I think that's what girls mean with "chemistry", even though they might not technically know the chemical substances that are involved with forming the feelings they're looking for.

Edited February 16, 2011 by Nexus One

February 16, 2011

I can't figure out if you guys are either incredibly bitter or incredibly unknowledgable.

I'm so confused by your arguments I don't even know where to start. A few of the really brutal rejections that I felt (albeit as an eighteen year old) were because the guys that I was really into just weren't looking for a relationship. It had nothing to do with me (I know because we hooked up many times a week) and everything to do with him. I called it off after he wouldn't step up to the plate for a relationship, he stayed single until only about two years ago and he's been with the girl ever since.

Ah thanks, I forgot to add not interested in dating to that sentence.

Going after a guy who has no interest in a relationship, is about as fruitful as going after a guy who's married. Neither is a smart decision. BTW, I also had a crush on somebody who had no interest in dating. Yes I was very aware of how stupid it was to try and pursue her. I'm sure you knew that you were wasting time with that guy.

As for the original post.. people who post sob stories on FB make me want to puke. That is just begging for attention and validation, the same way a skinny beautiful girl will go around calling herself fat. It's absurd and humouring them does nothing to solve the (non-existant) self-esteem problem. I wouldn't go after these girls unless this was a valentine's related moment of weakness and they are actually stable. Unstable people are just a black hole, especially if you're just trying to get into dating seriously.

Yeah I know they were just after attention.

Both actually seem stable but I don't know either that well. I just thought that if a girl doesn't like being alone, she'd be more likely to give me a chance. And of course the girl I messaged yesterday has ignored me I'll probably see her on Thursday but not bring anything up.

Edited February 16, 2011 by somedude81

February 16, 2011

The problem you have is you see every girl and make a plan like you are invading the Goddamn beaches of Normandy. You have this A-Team like plan that's hyper complex, involves precisely 16,548 steps just before you even ask her out. By the time you get to step 12,000 she's already long gone as her chemical reaction faded out around step 2, then you are back on here bitching about things you are ASSUMING she's doing and making false generalizations based on your own failures.

If you like a girl and your nuts start to tingle (that's called chemistry by the way) just ask her for her number or directly ask her out. No pre-date-pre-friends-pre-asking-pre-even-pre-planned Facebooking BS. Ask her out. She says no, move the hell onto the next one.

If you keep getting rejected, I hate to say this. It's not the girls, it's you. You are doing something wrong in either your approach or the girls you are seeking. If you want to go after the hot girls, you need confidence. Confidence isn't friending her on Facebook first. Walk up to her and own your words like you've done it before. Act as if she says no, it's no big thing to you. Act like you've talked to girls in real life before, and not the girls you've had to give credit card numbers to first.

February 16, 2011

Pretty much every guy I know has rejected a girl to some degree or another, regardless of how much money the guy has, what he looks like, how tall he is, or whatever other surface criteria one applies. It really seems like LS is the only place in the world where there are guys who think it's normal to desperately want to date every physically attractive girl on the planet.

I can give an example from my own life. Last May I had a bit of a fling (no sex, but most of the other bases were covered) with a very physically attractive girl who now does a lot of pin-up style modeling. Why didn't I try to date her? Because she was a bit too young for me, we had little in common, and she had a TON of mental issues. So clearly, I wasn't feeling it. There was no spark, no chemistry, so I refused to try to date her.Did she take this as a rejection? I have no idea, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is that not every girl, even the hot ones, has guys trying to date her. In fact, a lot of them are probably just trying to get a quick bang out of them. Therefore, it IS very possible for a reasonably attractive girl to be alone, and not just because she rejects 99% of guys in sight.

Edited February 16, 2011 by TheBigQuestion

February 16, 2011

Sorry but that sounds very childish.

That's like me having my heart set on getting Lucy Pinder and believing that she is the one. But when I'm rejected by her I feel that there is nobody else out there for me and that I will forever be alone.

It's a bit different having a crush on a famous person, then a real flesh and blood person you know in real life.

And it doesn't do anyone you meet a service, to date them while you have someone else in your head. It takes time to get over the people that truly move us (whether they meant to or not).

And just because sometimes people will feel that there is nobody else out there for them, it doesn't mean that that feeling lasts forever, or that the person will decide to stay alone and pining.

Check out Nexus Ones list of hormones. When these are in play, we will tend to behave in ways you consider "childish", but others consider "romantic". Not all people are making choices in partners based on a purely rational list of criteria.

And just as some women send out mixed signals to keep you on the hook, men do it too.

And one other thing, for arguments sake, lets say that each and every person has 1 trait that they "must have" in a partner, and in the case of a specific girl, that trait is kind of rare. She is only going to be happy with men who have that one trait, and is kind of frustrated, because she can't any of them. There are around 3billion men on the planet, there is likely to be at least 100,000 men on the planet with the rare trait, that's still plenty of men. Finding one of those men, can seem like looking for the holy grail, and can be disheartening when being bombarded by men who don't have the trait.

Just something to consider.

February 16, 2011

Even though some people don't like this word, it really does just come down to chemistry. There's either an "it" factor between two people, or there isn't. It's intangible and hard to explain, but anyone who's experienced it (and then hopefully had it reciprocated) knows what I'm talking about. It's usually pretty fruitless to force the issue in any way.

February 16, 2011

WTranger,

I am trying many different approaches. Also my "plan" isn't even that complicated. The FB thing is just a way to get some answers without having to ask the questions. What FB lets me do is be able to try and arrange a meeting if I don't have their cell number yet.

And yes, I know it's me. Of course it's me, who the hell else could it be?! I know 1,000 ways to fail and not a damn one that works.

TheBigQuestion,

Well I've rejected one girl. She wasn't even remotely attractive, about 5 years older than me, weighed more than I did and on our first conversation told me that she had an abortion. What a winner!

It's a bit different having a crush on a famous person, then a real flesh and blood person you know in real life.

I picked a famous person as an example of somebody unobtainable. To crush on somebody one knows they don't have a chance with and to believe that they are the one, is just stupid. Which ties into that the only way a decent girl could crush on somebody and not get him, was because the guy is unobtainable (out of her league, already involved, doesn't want to date etc) and she knows it.

And it doesn't do anyone you meet a service, to date them while you have someone else in your head. It takes time to get over the people that truly move us (whether they meant to or not).

IMO the best way to get somebody out of your head is to get somebody else in there.

So while she's crushing on the lead singer and feeling really bad that he doesn't want to date her seriously, she'd be better off going on dates with the ten normal guys who asked her out.

Check out Nexus Ones list of hormones. When these are in play, we will tend to behave in ways you consider "childish", but others consider "romantic". Not all people are making choices in partners based on a purely rational list of criteria.

A list of hormones doesn't explain anything and is useless to me. Unless I can artificially elevate a woman's dopamine levels, it doesn't do me any good to know what it does.

Also that doesn't even come close to addressing what I said about chemistry.

And just as some women send out mixed signals to keep you on the hook, men do it too.

I wouldn't know.

And one other thing, for arguments sake, lets say that each and every person has 1 trait that they "must have" in a partner, and in the case of a specific girl, that trait is kind of rare. She is only going to be happy with men who have that one trait, and is kind of frustrated, because she can't have any of them. There are around 3billion men on the planet, there is likely to be at least 100,000 men on the planet with the rare trait, that's still plenty of men. Finding one of those men, can seem like looking for the holy grail, and can be disheartening when being bombarded by men who don't have the trait.

Just something to consider.

I understand what you are trying to say.

I'll tell it in a different way. Lets say one trait that is a must have for me is that a woman must be a G cup or larger. Women smaller than that constantly offer themselves to me and I'm sad and depressed because I can't find what I'm looking for.

What would your advice to me be?

February 16, 2011

Even though some people don't like this word, it really does just come down to chemistry. There's either an "it" factor between two people, or there isn't. It's intangible and hard to explain, but anyone who's experienced it (and then hopefully had it reciprocated) knows what I'm talking about. It's usually pretty fruitless to force the issue in any way.

As I mentioned before, my quota for chemistry is really simple.

She has to be cute and not too heavy. There are literally thousands of girls at my school who have that much.

Next she has to be fun to talk to and interact with. Thousands of girls potentially have that. I just need the opportunity to interact with them.

Later on I'll find out about the various deal-breakers, smoker, drugs, has a boyfriend etc.

I have no idea what chemistry means for the average girl. If there are lots of guys hitting on her, which is probably true if she's decent looking and she's single, then her standards are very high.

Edited February 16, 2011 by somedude81

February 16, 2011

A list of hormones doesn't explain anything and is useless to me. Unless I can artificially elevate a woman's dopamine levels, it doesn't do me any good to know what it does.

Well there are triggers that can release these chemicals in a woman's body. I'm sure there's information regarding this online. I don't know them myself except maybe by intuition.

Also that doesn't even come close to addressing what I said about chemistry.

Except it's one of the few ways to at least explain it. If it isn't explained through those chemicals you'll have to explain it in some esoteric and/or poetic and/or philosophical way, which might make it sound more romantic, but I'm not sure if it will help.

Some tips that could perhaps help:

What about hitting the gym? Training until you have a six pack and impressive arms and shoulders? What about wearing trendy and attractive clothes? Getting a cool haircut? I'm sure you can think of a few more ways.

Edited February 16, 2011 by Nexus One

February 16, 2011

I'll tell it in a different way. Lets say one trait that is a must have for me is that a woman must be a G cup or larger. Women smaller than that constantly offer themselves to me and I'm sad and depressed because I can't find what I'm looking for.

What would your advice to me be?

If a woman with a G cup is indeed your must have, then I would say keep looking until you find them, but don't expect the G cup to come with a tiny waist and small hips (although it's possible, it's even rarer). On the bright side, breasts are right in the eye, so you can probably choose which women have the trait, without having to talk to them first (or get them naked).

Don't settle for less.

Fortunately for you large breasts seem to be quite plentiful in society, and from what I have heard especially in America. If not in 20yr olds, then definately in women in their 30's and 40's. So there is absolutely no reason why you should feel you have to settle.

(Of course giving advice to someone whose must have is invisible to the naked eye is a bit more difficult. There's no society for 'men with large penises' that I am aware of.)

February 16, 2011

Some tips that could perhaps help:
What about hitting the gym? Training until you have a six pack and impressive arms and shoulders? What about wearing trendy and attractive clothes? Getting a cool haircut? I'm sure you can think of a few more ways.

What if he has all this? Then what?

February 16, 2011

As I mentioned before, my quota for chemistry is really simple.

She has to be cute and not too heavy. There are literally thousands of girls at my school who have that much.

Next she has to be fun to talk to and interact with. Thousands of girls potentially have that. I just need the opportunity to interact with them.

Later on I'll find out about the various deal-breakers, smoker, drugs, has a boyfriend etc.

I have no idea what chemistry means for the average girl. If there are lots of guys hitting on her, which is probably true if she's decent looking and she's single, then her standards are very high.

You're not discussing chemistry in the way it is most commonly discussed in terms of dating. What you're talking about is getting your foot in the door in terms of getting dates in the first place. Chemistry usually refers more to the "holy crap, I feel like I've known this person my whole life even though I've only known them a few days" type deal. If you seriously think there are thousands upon thousands of girls who can have this effect on you just within your geographic area, I'd say your standards are too low.

It's very true that women tend to get hit on quite a bit. What exactly does she have to gain by accepting all or even most of these guy's advances? Honestly, not a whole lot. A lot of men unfortunately still engage in shady and/or predatory behavior in their dating methods. There's a reason why women have the "creep" shield on high alert a lot of the time. It's within their best interest to be as selective as possible. It has nothing to do with standards. It's easy to block out the idea that women are capable of having genuine dating issues when you're too frustrated by your own failures.

Some guys just come across as creepy or threatening in some way without knowing it. There were some situations in which I behaved this way and it had to pointed out to me by a third party. I'm not sure that's what is going on with you, but I think your problem is that you're just a tad too focused on getting women in the first place. Even at my horniest and most desperate stages in life, my lethargy and apathy kept me from really trying to get women. A few came my way, but I'm sure many more would have had I actually tried. The point is, I didn't get nearly as freaked out about it as you seem to get sometimes.

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Woman: A right to be sad about being single if she's rejected every guy who's asked?

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