Woman: A right to be sad about being single if she's rejected every guy who's asked?

[betterdeal]

Of course she has that right. I can't see how you can deny it to her even if you wanted to. I know that might sound pedantic, but it gets to the core of the fogginess of the question. There's no right or wrong way to feel about your position in life. You feel what you feel. She may well feel sad on Valentine's Day but no sufficiently so to date someone.

 

How you interpret your life, what you do about it, is what matters. Are you single and lonely or single and free?

 

The number of coupled up men I know who moan about wishing they were single is astounding. Of course, if they really wanted to be single, they could leave their wives and kids, and be single. They just miss some of the benefits of being single, just as I sometimes miss some of the benefits of having a lover.

 

You can either make the most of what you've got or pine for what you haven't got. I prefer enjoying what I have. That's my choice.

[waynebrady]

I think they are really sad about not being in love. You can be with someone and still be alone.

 

I was under the impression that women don't want to be in love, they just want to be loved.

[betterdeal]

And yes I am struggling to understand the male/female dating dynamic. What's making it hard is that I have to do it as a 3rd party observer.

 

No you don't. You choose to sit on the sidelines because you're afraid of getting hurt. The more you fear, the more likely you are to get hurt. It's the worrying that causes problems. In fact, being rejected is just a continuation of worrying about being rejected.

 

Conversely, not worrying (a) feels good in itself (b) means when you do get knocked down you pick yourself up more easily and © you are less likely to be rejected.

 

Be yourself, stop worrying, accept that sometimes you'll get hurt, you'll be rubbish at sex most of the time like the rest of the human race and if you stay true to yourself, you'll get better at everything and you'll have fun.

[irc333]

Stay off of Facebook and have real female friends in real life.

 

 

What if they female friends on FB are the ones in real life? lol

[carhill]

What if they female friends on FB are the ones in real life? lol

Conduct the friendships in real life. One should not have to read about their real life friends on a wall of electrons, yes?

[betterdeal]

I was under the impression that women don't want to be in love, they just want to be loved.

 

There are 3 billion women. There are millions of different "types". There is one you. Know what you like and live by that instead of trying to quantify and reduce everyone to a few stereotypes.

[somedude81]

1. Stay off of Facebook and have real female friends in real life.

 

Conduct the friendships in real life. One should not have to read about their real life friends on a wall of electrons, yes?

First of all, I wouldn't call any of them real friends. Second, I only FB them to see if they are single. These girls, I've known for a whole semester and only FBed them last week.

 

It's also a great way to be able communicate with somebody if I don't have their cell number and rarely run into them.

 

Ask them.

If it wouldn't hurt my chances of dating them, then I would.

 

Of course she has that right. I can't see how you can deny it to her even if you wanted to. I know that might sound pedantic, but it gets to the core of the fogginess of the question. There's no right or wrong way to feel about your position in life. You feel what you feel. She may well feel sad on Valentine's Day but no sufficiently so to date someone.

When I see a woman complain about being alone when I and who knows how many other men would like to date her but she rejects or ignores them. I see that as being hypocritical and somewhat of a liar.

 

The only people who have the right to complain are the ones who are actively trying to change their situation.

No you don't. You choose to sit on the sidelines because you're afraid of getting hurt. The more you fear, the more likely you are to get hurt. It's the worrying that causes problems. In fact, being rejected is just a continuation of worrying about being rejected.

Uh, no. I'm out there trying to play the dating game. I'm not very good at it and get hurt easily. I always end up getting hurt in the first quarter and am not able to finish the game. But I keep trying.

 

So while I'm being benched, I try to learn more about the game.

[carhill]

If you want to date them, ask them out on a date. That way you will either be added to their list of rejects which make them sad or you will put a smile on their face. 50/50 chance

 

Apparently, they've provided you with the most important piece of information, that being that they're *single*. Lucky you!

[irc333]

Conduct the friendships in real life. One should not have to read about their real life friends on a wall of electrons, yes?

 

Actuall, we do....we schedule Facebook events where we get together in real time.

 

Get with the program man. lol ;-)

[lavalamp]

Sometimes you just can't find someone you really like, even if plenty of people ask you out. But, posting an "I'm soooo miserable" FB status is kinda attention/drama seeking behavior, so I feel much less inclined to feel sorry for them. It's usually the drama/attention seeking person that's the issue with the dating equation.

[betterdeal]

But I keep trying.

 

Stop trying. What is it you like about her? Enjoy that. Ask her out. Enjoy what you like about her more because you're with her when you're out. Get to know more about her. Find more things you like about her. Enjoy that. Rinse and repeat.

 

That's dating.

[lululucy]

The real truth is that women signal their interest in men in any number of subtle ways. They don't come out and say it but they do show their interest. To a woman a man not noticing her interest is the same as being rejected as a man.

 

That woman complaining about being alone feels just as rejected as a man who has asked out 100 women.

 

 

Absolutely! Aaaabsolutely. Thank you.

[carhill]

Actuall, we do....we schedule Facebook events where we get together in real time.

 

Get with the program man. lol ;-)

IDK, my friends and I just call each other. Then, at our age, there's births, deaths, and other life events to discuss which are better fodder for personal interaction than on a web site, IMO. Perhaps it's a generational thing. When I see couples broadcasting from a webcam in their bedrooms on the newsgroups, I do have to wonder where the boundary of privacy is these days.

[somedude81]

If you want to date them, ask them out on a date. That way you will either be added to their list of rejects which make them sad or you will put a smile on their face. 50/50 chance

 

Apparently, they've provided you with the most important piece of information, that being that they're *single*. Lucky you!

I'm laying the ground work, taking the steps so that when I do ask them out, it won't be a total shock. And I'm probably doing it all wrong

 

My biggest issue is being rejected by girls that are single, which I've already made a thread about. I can accept a girl who's fine being single rejecting me. But one who feels sad and alone? Makes me want to knock some sense into her.

Sometimes you just can't find someone you really like, even if plenty of people ask you out. But, posting an "I'm soooo miserable" FB status is kinda attention/drama seeking behavior, so I feel much less inclined to feel sorry for them. It's usually the drama/attention seeking person that's the issue with the dating equation.

Yeah, it probably is nothing more than drama/attention seeking. My problem is that the issue hits so close to home, it ends up frustrating me.

Stop trying. What is it you like about her? Enjoy that. Ask her out. Enjoy what you like about her more because you're with her when you're out. Get to know more about her. Find more things you like about her. Enjoy that. Rinse and repeat.

 

That's dating.

Stop trying? Now you lost me. I rarely actually get to go on dates with girls. Virtually every girl I've been into already had a boyfriend, or she rejected me while she was single.

The real truth is that women signal their interest in men in any number of subtle ways. They don't come out and say it but they do show their interest. To a woman a man not noticing her interest is the same as being rejected as a man.

 

 

That woman complaining about being alone feels just as rejected as a man who has asked out 100 women

Absolutely! Aaaabsolutely. Thank you.

Eh, makes me wonder which guys she wants to notice her interests if they aren't picking up on it. My guess is that they are way out of her league or already taken. Otherwise, they'd be dating her.

[810]

If she wasn't interested in any of those guys, then it was right for her to turn them all down. Regardless of what her own traits are, she can no more help being attracted to who she's attracted to than anyone else.

 

agree.

 

That's really not true.

 

The real truth is that women signal their interest in men in any number of subtle ways. They don't come out and say it but they do show their interest. To a woman a man not noticing her interest is the same as being rejected as a man.

 

Try to remember....most of the men who approach a woman are not looking for a relationship they are just looking to screw.

 

ah. thank you. a lady shows her interest subtly.

[Eddie Edirol]

Anyone who complains on FB about their lack of love life is just fishing for self esteem. Theyre just too stupid to realize it only works for five minutes, then they realize they actually have to do some work for what they want, and they never do. So to me, they have the right to show how pathetic they are.

[carhill]

I'm laying the ground work, taking the steps so that when I do ask them out, it won't be a total shock. And I'm probably doing it all wrong

Perhaps; perhaps not. If doing something keeps returning similar unsatisfying results, try something else.

 

My biggest issue is being rejected by girls that are single, which I've already made a thread about. I can accept a girl who's fine being single rejecting me. But one who feels sad and alone? Makes me want to knock some sense into her.

I wouldn't ask a woman who is verifiably (like 'broadcasting' it) sad and alone out on a date. Why? Because I don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness, either directly or as an inspiration. She's as entitled to her sadness as I am to my happiness (from the same circumstances, in this instance) but I doubt those two dynamics will ever meet in a healthy way.

[waynebrady]

That's really not true.

 

The real truth is that women signal their interest in men in any number of subtle ways. They don't come out and say it but they do show their interest. To a woman a man not noticing her interest is the same as being rejected as a man.

 

That woman complaining about being alone feels just as rejected as a man who has asked out 100 women.

 

Try to remember....most of the men who approach a woman are not looking for a relationship they are just looking to screw.

 

No it isn't. A woman just giving out signals isn't putting her "neck on the line" the same way a man who walks up and approaches a woman do.

 

Whats worse, not having the guy notice your signals or get openly rejected and shot down?

[waynebrady]

ah. thank you. a lady shows her interest subtly.

 

It doesn't take any effort or guts to show your intrest subtly the way you women do. If you get "rejected" because the guy doesn't pick up on your signals, nobody would know about it, it's harmless and therefore it hardly even qualifies as a rejection.

 

How can the guy reject you if he doesn't even know you are intrested?

With most guys, your subtle signals are a complete waste of time. Because they are so freaking subtle that the guy most likely don't even notice them... or you at all. That has been said so many times by so many people that it's strange that you women still think these subtle signals are gonna work.

[waynebrady]

If I as a man would try to give out signals to a woman that I'm intrested but she didn't approach me, would that qualify as a rejection? Offcourse it wouldn't. So why does it qualify as a rejection when it happens to a woman?

 

Honestly some of you don't even seem to know the defenition of a rejection. Because staying passive and giving out subtle signals that's hardly noticeable and not having a guy pick up on them does not qualify as a rejection, and if it did it would be the mildest possible "level" of rejection if there is such a thing.

[810]

It doesn't take any effort or guts to show your intrest subtly the way you women do. If you get "rejected" because the guy doesn't pick up on your signals, nobody would know about it, it's harmless and therefore it hardly even qualifies as a rejection.

 

How can the guy reject you if he doesn't even know you are intrested?

 

With most guys, your subtle signals are a complete waste of time. Because they are so freaking subtle that the guy most likely don't even notice them... or you at all. That has been said so many times by so many people that it's strange that you women still think these subtle signals are gonna work.

 

not everyone flaunt their assets, wink, flip hair and giggle/laugh at every single joke including the lame ones.

 

at different intelligence levels (or shall i say leagues) people will notice the different type of interests being displayed.

[bac]

 

When I see a woman complain about being alone when I and who knows how many other men would like to date her but she rejects or ignores them. I see that as being hypocritical and somewhat of a liar.

 

The only people who have the right to complain are the ones who are actively trying to change their situation.

 

So while I'm being benched, I try to learn more about the game.

 

Do you know how many men she has chased and they rejected her? I hope you do not expect her to present you a list of her failures on FB. She is a real girl who falls for guys and who got rejected. If she does not like you it does not mean that she does not like any guy.

 

There is the only game to get girls who much younger than you. The game is very old and simple. The game is having money and spending it on a girl. Every man in need of a much younger girl uses the method and it works out well on many girls. There is no other method to make a much younger girl to tell you that she loves and wants you .

Edited February 15, 2011 by bac

[Stung]

Please correct me if I am wrong, OP--but while I know that you genuinely struggle with dating and interpersonal dynamics, I also seem to recall that you HAVE been approached with interest by women in the past. However, you felt no chemistry with those women, and rejected/avoided them because you thought they were unattractive/overweight and they didn't appeal to you romantically/sexually. Is that so or am I misremembering you?

[waynebrady]

not everyone flaunt their assets, wink, flip hair and giggle/laugh at every single joke including the lame ones.

 

at different intelligence levels (or shall i say leagues) people will notice the different type of interests being displayed.

 

Most women think their signals are so obvious and that any man should pick up on them, but more often than not they are way to subtle for the man to even notice no matter what intelligence or league he is in. This I know only by reading on the internet.

 

Please do tell, How you signal to a guy your intrest. Alot of your subtle signals could probably be mistaken for just being friendly, and even then what if the guy isn't even seeing you.

 

You know standing on the other side of the room and giving a half second glance at the guy or if sitting at the counter and moving your hand 1 inch closer to his isn't really making you intrest clear, seriously what guys are gonna pick up on that?

[Mrlonelyone]

@Wayne

 

What you have to realize about womens signals of romantic interest VS being friendly is this... A woman will give signals of romantic interest...then if she gets cold feet...or just changes her mind...say she was just being friendly.

 

Here is a list of signals I have noticed.

 

They stare at you.

They smile at you.

They touch you.

They try to have a conversation with you.

In short they flirt with you.

 

While some of the time this is "just for fun"...most of the time it isn't. Especially if its outside of places like parties, or bars. i.e. A woman flirting with you at a gas station or on the bus is probably attracted to you.