Hlep Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Literally THE CRAZIEST STORY EVER. It's a little complicated and long. Thank you to whoever has enough patience to read this. Shortest version I can muster. Hello all! Ok so this is my first post on here, but I've been following people’s advice since my girlfriend dumped me over 9 months ago. We were in a 16 month relationship. We went to separate schools, and we met during a semester internship in a certain city, and hit it off really good. It seemed like love at first site, and then my world imploded. My father died a couple weeks after we met, and my brother died a month later from a drug overdose. She was there for me through all those horrible times, and despite the hell I went through, we had a great time during that semester. It was so much fun being with her. We ended up going on a road trip to Key West after our internships were over, and it was an absolute blast. Spent over a month in the summer roadtripping again. It turned into a long distance relationship, and she had a year of school left. The whole time there were plenty of visits back and forth, etc, etc. I got a job in the city I'm in now, one of the reasons being she said she'd consider moving here. I thought she was the one. I mean I really did. I treated her with so much respect, and love. She had some school left, but I thought we were going to eventually live in the same city. I think she was truly my first love. So many I LOVE YOU’s, and we’re going to be together forever. I know I’m a relatively attractive young man, I have a damn good job, I drive a BMW, world traveler, etc. I think a lot of women would be happy with me. Well she ends up dumping me on the phone 2 days before our last visit; a couple weeks before she’s about to graduate school. I had dropped 350$ on a plane ticket, and she tells me not to come out. I convince her to let me come out anyways. She gives me the whole I’m confused, I want a break, let’s be friends spiel when I visit. Gave me the super cold shoulder most of the visit. She had one of her friends drive me to the airport, didn't even do it herself the last time I would ever get to see her. I end up drowning my sorrows in margaritas at the airport bar on the way back home. ONE OF THE WORST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE. I cried for days and days. It felt as bad as when I lost my dad and brother. They say things happen in 3's, loosing her felt like #3. I’m pretty sure she had a thing going with some other guy, and wanted to leave me on the back burner in case things didn’t work out for her. All the signs were there. I told her multiple times in our relationship if she couldn’t do long distance I would understand JUST BE HONEST- and she tried to string me along instead!! After a few days I go NC, defriend facebook, etc. 2 Months later whattaya know she call’s, I ignore it. She leaves a voicemail and wants to know what I’m up to etc. (I find out later via the internet the guy I think she had the fling with moves to another city 10 hours away...coincidence ??? right...) Another month goes by, I get a package in the mail with some stuff I left at her place and a note telling me what’s been going on in her life- I ignore it. Another month later I get a text asking if I got the package, then she tells me” if I ever stop being angry at her to tell her what I’m up to”- I text her back that “life is good, I’m not angry I’ve moved on”. It was soooo difficult for me to do; I wanted her back sooo bad, but I felt used. I had some pride left, you know? I get another text or two from her. Months go by--- and I break down a couple days before VDay spilling my guts how her dumping me was devastating for me, I still have feelings for her, but I went NC to heal, telling her what’s going on in my life, and that I want to be friends with her- but it would take time. I was so depressed and missing her, and now it’s going on four days and she hasn’t even responded. I pissed away 9 months of NC, and I still have crazy feelings for her. I'm so down I know I have to just man up, and find other women. It was just a moment of weakness I guess. She made me sooo happy, and then shredded my heart to pieces; and I still miss here somehow. Edited February 15, 2011 by Hlep
GreenPolicy Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Sorry you broke NC, but we have to treat our exes the same way alcoholics treat having another drink. We cannot risk coming into contact with the source of our pain. She doesn't sound like she's worth the heartache anyways. That's true of my ex too, but the heart has a hard time accepting it.
Gossamer Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 ...and you've been ignoring her crumbs up until V-Day. That's great work. I don't believe all those months are wasted just because you have a recent NC lapse. You need to forgive yourself for breaking NC and for spilling your heart out and telling her you were devasted. You told her how much she hurt you. Sometimes we finally say things that need to be expressed, whether or not the other person responds or "gets it". Sometimes you need to get the crazy/emotional &hit out there and out of your system, and sometimes there's no other way. As for her benefit, you haven't been stalking her, you haven't been hounding her, and it sounds like you've been a "model dumpee" by going NC, gah, as if there's a way to be a "professional dumpee". Your actions are totally understandable since she went on a fishing expedition, wondering why you weren't chasing after her. And then because she got dumped by her rebound, and you were looking better to her. I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is a really hard trigger-time of year for so many of us after going through major holidays and then ambushed by V-Day. It's been sooooooooo sucking for me this V-Day. I think though the truest and most helpful thing I read on here is to take care of yourself, improve yourself. Today, someone told me to take this breakup time to "fall in love" with myself. I thought that was a good V-Day message. I urge you to throw yourself into things you can love, other than your ex. I am trying to avoid rebounding, myself, and am not dating for a while. I hope you find peace... /Gossamer Literally THE CRAZIEST STORY EVER. It's a little complicated and long. Thank you to whoever has enough patience to read this. Shortest version I can muster. Hello all! Ok so this is my first post on here, but I've been following people’s advice since my girlfriend dumped me over 9 months ago. We were in a 16 month relationship. We went to separate schools, and we met during a semester internship in a certain city, and hit it off really good. It seemed like love at first site, and then my world imploded. My father died a couple weeks after we met, and my brother died a month later from a drug overdose. She was there for me through all those horrible times, and despite the hell I went through, we had a great time during that semester. It was so much fun being with her. We ended up going on a road trip to Key West after our internships were over, and it was an absolute blast. Spent over a month in the summer roadtripping again. It turned into a long distance relationship, and she had a year of school left. The whole time there were plenty of visits back and forth, etc, etc. I got a job in the city I'm in now, one of the reasons being she said she'd consider moving here. I thought she was the one. I mean I really did. I treated her with so much respect, and love. She had some school left, but I thought we were going to eventually live in the same city. I think she was truly my first love. So many I LOVE YOU’s, and we’re going to be together forever. I know I’m a relatively attractive young man, I have a damn good job, I drive a BMW, world traveler, etc. I think a lot of women would be happy with me. Well she ends up dumping me on the phone 2 days before our last visit; a couple weeks before she’s about to graduate school. I had dropped 350$ on a plane ticket, and she tells me not to come out. I convince her to let me come out anyways. She gives me the whole I’m confused, I want a break, let’s be friends spiel when I visit. Gave me the super cold shoulder most of the visit. She had one of her friends drive me to the airport, didn't even do it herself the last time I would ever get to see her. I end up drowning my sorrows in margaritas at the airport bar on the way back home. ONE OF THE WORST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE. I cried for days and days. It felt as bad as when I lost my dad and brother. They say things happen in 3's, loosing her felt like #3. I’m pretty sure she had a thing going with some other guy, and wanted to leave me on the back burner in case things didn’t work out for her. All the signs were there. I told her multiple times in our relationship if she couldn’t do long distance I would understand JUST BE HONEST- and she tried to string me along instead!! After a few days I go NC, defriend facebook, etc. 2 Months later whattaya know she call’s, I ignore it. She leaves a voicemail and wants to know what I’m up to etc. (I find out later via the internet the guy I think she had the fling with moves to another city 10 hours away...coincidence ??? right...) Another month goes by, I get a package in the mail with some stuff I left at her place and a note telling me what’s been going on in her life- I ignore it. Another month later I get a text asking if I got the package, then she tells me” if I ever stop being angry at her to tell her what I’m up to”- I text her back that “life is good, I’m not angry I’ve moved on”. It was soooo difficult for me to do; I wanted her back sooo bad, but I felt used. I had some pride left, you know? I get another text or two from her. Months go by--- and I break down a couple days before VDay spilling my guts how her dumping me was devastating for me, I still have feelings for her, but I went NC to heal, telling her what’s going on in my life, and that I want to be friends with her- but it would take time. I was so depressed and missing her, and now it’s going on four days and she hasn’t even responded. I pissed away 9 months of NC, and I still have crazy feelings for her. I'm so down I know I have to just man up, and find other women. It was just a moment of weakness I guess. She made me sooo happy, and then shredded my heart to pieces; and I still miss here somehow.
Author Hlep Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Thank you guys soo much, I really do appreciate the input. Moments of weakness suck, but I think you're right. Getting those feelings out there can be liberating in a way. Happy VDay.
Am4Real Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) You fell for the “bait” game!! The bait game is none other than an EX wondering if you still have feelings for them. They will make contact, leave non-descriptive messages, ask how you are doing, mention common acquaintances and whatever else they can muster to have you talk about yourself and eventually how you feel – more specifically how you feel about the past relationship and you’re EX. Yours sounds like a classic game of “bait” The problem you have for yourself now is bitterness. When you commence NO CONTACT again you won’t just being doing it for healing as you did last time; you will be bitter and not responding to get back at her. You feel that way, right? No worries, it’s normal right now. Put things into perspective. You have feelings for her and have admitted that to yourself and to us. Good. Understand she does not likely want you back since she never made mention of anything of the sort. She “baited” you into speaking about your feelings to satisfy her OWN curiosity and perhaps have you as a fallback if she stays single for anytime…whatever, don’t worry about it. Try not to count the days since you last spoke and go back to the healing process. If she continues to harass you in these baited games and makes no mention of wanting you, you might consider blocking her altogether from being able to get a hold of you by any electronics means and refusing any packages or letters sent to you by “retuning to sender”. Edited February 15, 2011 by Am4Real
milkmaterial Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 9 mos and ur still pining over her? well travelled and attractive young man with a bmw, with a degree and stuff? :bunny: can we see if ur ok by 10 mos? i hope. also i think it was a bad idea letting her know u were still hurt about it.
JasonRules Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Just curious, are you a masochist? Let's take things one at a time shall we? 1. She broke up with you for no reason 2. She treated you like doo doo last time you were out there 3. Things probably didn't work out with the moron she dumped you over so she called to see if you still want her to get an ego boost 4. It's all about her And you want to be with this girl, why? But hey...what do I know? By the way...let's be "friends". If it were me personally, I would tell her to go to hell and never look back. Remember one thing; in life you need to do the following: 1. Respect/love/protect yourself FIRST 2. Have a backbone to get rid of people who trample on rule no. 1 3. Respect your parents/family. Blood is thicker than water. That's my advice to you. I suggest you man up, delete her phone from your cell or better yet change your number, stop crying and hit the gym. I want you in that gym every single day releasing stress and tension. I do not want you to sit at home thinking, crying, moping about.
Author Hlep Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Yeah I think she was definitely baiting me for her own selfish purposes. It just kills me to think how genuinely sincere I was, after all the times she told me she was in love, and then she just tosses me out to the curb like I was a bad habit- like I did something horrible to her. She made friggin Judas seem sincere. I guess that betrayal is what hurts the most- even more than rejection. You fell for the “bait” game!! The bait game is none other than an EX wondering if you still have feelings for them. They will make contact, leave non-descriptive messages, ask how you are doing, mention common acquaintances and whatever else they can muster to have you talk about yourself and eventually how you feel – more specifically how you feel about the past relationship and you’re EX. Yours sounds like a classic game of “bait” The problem you have for yourself now is bitterness. When you commence NO CONTACT again you won’t just being doing it for healing as you did last time; you will be bitter and not responding to get back at her. You feel that way, right? No worries, it’s normal right now. Put things into perspective. You have feelings for her and have admitted that to yourself and to us. Good. Understand she does not likely want you back since she never made mention of anything of the sort. She “baited” you into speaking about your feelings to satisfy her OWN curiosity and perhaps have you as a fallback if she stays single for anytime…whatever, don’t worry about it. Try not to count the days since you last spoke and go back to the healing process. If she continues to harass you in these baited games and makes no mention of wanting you, you might consider blocking her altogether from being able to get a hold of you by any electronics means and refusing any packages or letters sent to you by “retuning to sender”.
Author Hlep Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 That is pretty much my philosophy when it comes down to it. I went a solid 9 months without initiating one instance of contact. I just caved in a moment of weakness I guess. It's been hard to get her out of my mind lately. I work out about 3-4 times a week. I'd say I'm in decent shape. Blood is definitely thicker than water, much agreed. It's just those moments when I'm alone with my thoughts, she creeps right on in. I was doing sooo good for such a long time, and I think I was going insane from wintertime cabin fever and just cracked. The only thing I accomplished was hurting my pride. Haha, posting on her has helped me start to already feel over it though. I've been following peoples advice on here for a while- and I appreciate all the insightful help from you guys. Just curious, are you a masochist? Let's take things one at a time shall we? 1. She broke up with you for no reason 2. She treated you like doo doo last time you were out there 3. Things probably didn't work out with the moron she dumped you over so she called to see if you still want her to get an ego boost 4. It's all about her And you want to be with this girl, why? But hey...what do I know? By the way...let's be "friends". If it were me personally, I would tell her to go to hell and never look back. Remember one thing; in life you need to do the following: 1. Respect/love/protect yourself FIRST 2. Have a backbone to get rid of people who trample on rule no. 1 3. Respect your parents/family. Blood is thicker than water. That's my advice to you. I suggest you man up, delete her phone from your cell or better yet change your number, stop crying and hit the gym. I want you in that gym every single day releasing stress and tension. I do not want you to sit at home thinking, crying, moping about.
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