Brocke Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 my ex is with this on and off again thing with this guy from her past. He's mean to her when shes away but nice when she around. she crys to her friend because of it. he lied to her about cheating and got another women pregant but got caught. Why does she still like this guy and have feelings? I just dont understand it. I love this girl to death and want her back but she cut all ties from me because of respect to him. thank you Brock
carhill Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 A question to ask yourself is why you wish to invest your time and love into someone who revels in unhealthy relationships and attachments. Why does she like him? An examination of her childhood will likely reveal important clues, if anyone is bold enough to be honest about it. I did time in that penitentiary. No way I'm ever going back there. Good luck
Citizen Erased Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 She sounds like a mess, chooses another guy, and you want a relationship with her... Your time is probably best spent looking at your own actions and not hers. People stay in bad relationships, not just women.
Author Brocke Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 you know. i thought the same thing. i deserve better and can do better. but good point
Author Brocke Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 A question to ask yourself is why you wish to invest your time and love into someone who revels in unhealthy relationships and attachments. Why does she like him? An examination of her childhood will likely reveal important clues, if anyone is bold enough to be honest about it. I did time in that penitentiary. No way I'm ever going back there. Good luck that got me thinking and man that does work point out flaws of why they are they way they are. well not flaws but you get my drift.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I was one of those women who stayed in a bad relationship when I was in my early twenties. My ex was a pathological liar and would flirt with girls on the internet and tell them he was single. I put up with it for almost 3 years before I finally got the courage to leave him. I mostly stayed because: a) I had low self-esteem b) I was overweight c) I didn't think I could get another bf d) I thought if he loved me enough he would change Maybe she thinks she doesn't deserve you? Or that she can try to change this other dude into who she wants him to be?
Macaw Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I don't think you love her, you might just love the "beautiful damnsel in distress" type of girl, which she fits perfectly.
Author Brocke Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 I was one of those women who stayed in a bad relationship when I was in my early twenties. My ex was a pathological liar and would flirt with girls on the internet and tell them he was single. I put up with it for almost 3 years before I finally got the courage to leave him. I mostly stayed because: a) I had low self-esteem b) I was overweight c) I didn't think I could get another bf d) I thought if he loved me enough he would change Maybe she thinks she doesn't deserve you? Or that she can try to change this other dude into who she wants him to be? she wants to try and work out their "issues" and its a rocky past. I just feel down because of it. i love the girl and stuff but she choose him over the nice guy that treated her great. at the time we wasnt ready and when i was she with him.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 They do it because they think they can't get anything better.
Author Brocke Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 They do it because they think they can't get anything better. yeah i figured. I just dont know im beating my self up for it
Author Brocke Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 I don't think you love her, you might just love the "beautiful damnsel in distress" type of girl, which she fits perfectly. if its not that then why cant i forget about her?
Author Brocke Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 insecurity maybe? inability to be alone? being emotionally and verbally abused also plays a big role in a persons self esteem. maybe she just doesn't know how to be in a relationship? maybe just maybe but who knows. they told me that their feelings havnt changed for me. two days ago "out of respect for him" she cut all ties from talking to me. damn i dont know why i cant let go.
kcahsevol Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 forget asking about women...you are a man and it sounds like YOU are the one that wants to stay in a bad relationship to me! Think about what I just said...
Author Brocke Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 forget asking about women...you are a man and it sounds like YOU are the one that wants to stay in a bad relationship to me! Think about what I just said... its been a while now. But thank you! your words made so much sense. thank you
Kelemort Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 My first relationship was bad and my current relationship is meh at best. When it came to my ex, we both started dating at 19 and it was a first relationship for the both of us. A few weeks after we first met, we were dating. For him, I think he felt insecure that he had been single for so long, and he was teased by several people, including his father, about being gay. For me, I was 19 and I felt like the last girl on the planet who had never been in a relationship. I thought he was cute and that was as seriously as I took it... He was selfish, immature, moody, overly sensitive and a manipulative liar. He would often put me down, especially about my weight, to make himself feel better. I remember him saying a few times that he was glad I was fat because it meant other guys wouldn't look at me as much. I now realize HE had a self-esteem problem, and he knew I was better than him - I had my stuff together, I was doing well in school, working, I was interning and involved in school organizations. He basically went to school, barely scraped by and sat on his butt all of the time. He eventually was so insecure that he accused me of sleeping with my gay best friend. He would call me 20 times in a row if he knew I was with my friend. Why did I stay so long? For the year preceding the break-up, I knew I was miserable and that it ultimately was not going to work. I stayed because I was insecure and I had low self-esteem; I was 19 before I got a boyfriend, and I figured I'd be 30 or 40 before I had another; I thought maybe I was overreacting to the situation; I didn't like myself. Sometimes I wonder if those issues aren't what keep me in my present relationship. I'm 23 and my thinking still is, "I'm this old and only 2 guys have dated me. Who knows how long it could be before the next..." But in any case, what this girl is doing is out of your control. Move on.
Author Brocke Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 kelemort, Im sorry for you relationships, yeah my two serious relationships just ended up in them cheating on me. Ive had on girlfriend that i broke up with because of my insecurites. well i fixed all of those once i reflected. tried to go back and shes was dating her off and on again ex and just moved in. I was crushed. love her alot but its hard to move on. good luck to you Brock
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Or that she can try to change this other dude into who she wants him to be? This might be the key reason. If a girl is in a bad relationship and knows that another guy is waiting for her, there is no way she can believe that there is nobody else out there for her. My guess is the reason that a girl doesn't leave her bad relationship to be with somebody else is that there is something about the guy she is with that she really likes. So while the relationship may be bad, she believes that she can change things and make everything OK The logical decision just seems to be, get out of the toxic relationship. But logic doesn't seem to be a strong-suit.
iris219 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Why we stay is different for each person. I read a previous post and it was opposite from how I felt: 1. I don’t have low self esteem 2. I’m not overweight 3. I thought I could get another boyfriend (and I don’t mind being alone.) 4. I didn’t think he’d change, but I thought what he had to offer, which was little, was enough and something I could accept (and should accept because I loved him. I convinced myself that we all have flaws and when you love someone you accept flaws, but I now know not to the extent that you sacrifice what’s really important to you). Why we stay is complicated. It goes beyond liking drama or fear of being alone. I stayed for a variety of reasons: 1. I felt like he would never be able to find anyone else and this made me reluctant to leave. I didn’t want him to be alone. I felt a strange sort of responsibility to him (it was very maternal), and I’m not typically a maternal person. He brought out the nurturing side of me. He actually brought out qualities in me that I liked. 2. I was very attached to his family. They are wonderful and included me immediately as a part of their family. I don’t have family, so this was really important to me. They expected us to be together and I didn’t want to let them down. I think I now miss them more than him! 3. I don’t think women believe there’s no one else out there, but that there’s no one else they will be able to love (and so far, I haven’t been able to love anyone else). 4. My ex wasn’t a cheater or abusive. He was emotionally unavailable. He wasn’t blatantly a terrible boyfriend, so I was able to rationalize that he wasn’t that bad when, really, he was a terrible boyfriend.
ire.girl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I was in a very bad relationship and I couldnt snap out of it until one day after years of hell someone asked me "are you in love with this guy or are you just used to him?" and something just snapped. After that I realised it was the routine we had got into that had me stuck there... people hate change to their routine some even fear it. It was definitely a lightbulb in the brain moment for me. If you love this girl then persevere but only if you know deep down the feelings are mutual. Good luck
Miss M Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Somewhere they have learned that it's ok to be treated this way, probably from their mother.
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