Tofu Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Neither of us wanted the breakup because we loved each other so much but she just couldnt handle our LDR anymore cos of me not always being able to be there physically for her, so we agreed to be friends. I could give you the whole story but for the purpose of saving time, I just want to know if it would be right for me to explain myself then continue on with my NC shutting myself completely from her? She messaged me last night assuming we were still friends and talked as if we were still close but i shut her off immiediatly pretending i had other plans which i nvr did in the past, i always kept talking to her whenever she msged. I do want her back but not if it seems like im shutting her completely from my life which i feel she will assume from the way ive been acting then thats just like burning all hope we have (we've nvr gone more than 5 days without talking and thats how far this NC has gotten so far). Is it ok for me to say i want some NC time between us and that i cant be friends with the one i love because thats just not how things work. Is it important that she doesnt know that im going NC with her? Is the question i basically want to ask i guess. Maybe its just the valentines day giving me heightend emotions, i dunno but its been in the back of my mind since snug.bunny told me doing NC would push her away more as my ex and i never really did spend enough time together physically Edited February 15, 2011 by Tofu
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Your question is an interesting one, and technically there is no right answer. One one hand yea, you can tell her you're in NC because you don't want to be friends with her, and let her know that unless she wants to date you don't want her as part of your life anymore. Idk it's a tough one, I would always say not to say because exes shouldn't really get a heads up, I mean you didn't get a heads up on the breakup. The LDR is hard for any couple to really survive, I think the only reason my ex and I did is because I saw her almost twice a month on average. Idk, I don't think it's worth breaking NC again just to tell her. Oooo and you shouldn't have responded to her, at all. She needs to get it clear in her head what losing you really means. If you keep responding you are just setting yourself up to either be a safety net or a "good friend." So please do not respond. Yea she may be hurt by it, but I promise it's not enough to stop a girl from coming back to you man. Stay strong, and stick to NC -Gator
Hules Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Mate I know how hard it is, been through it myself few months ago but when you love someone your better judgement can be clouded so honestly try and think this over. You got to remember even though I'm sure you guys loved each other she decided to end it rather than trying to work things out. You have done everything you can you owe her nothing at this point she knows how you feel telling her again wont make any difference other than to make you seem needy and push her away further. You don't need to explain to her that you are going NC just do it I know its hard but its the only way you are going to heal you can't be friends with someone you love seriously its just to painful. If she really wants to works things out with you she will but as long as you act as her safety net by remaining "friends" she wont respect or miss you. Some things that helped me get through this period where to focus on my hobbies i enjoyed, spend time with friends and family and most importantly every time I was about to cave in and contact her i would think to myself "I deserve to be treated better than that and i'm not going to waste anymore of my time or energy on someone who doesn't care about my feelings" Hang in there man I know its tough but it does get easier I promise you.
Author Tofu Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Your question is an interesting one, and technically there is no right answer. One one hand yea, you can tell her you're in NC because you don't want to be friends with her, and let her know that unless she wants to date you don't want her as part of your life anymore. Idk it's a tough one, I would always say not to say because exes shouldn't really get a heads up, I mean you didn't get a heads up on the breakup. The LDR is hard for any couple to really survive, I think the only reason my ex and I did is because I saw her almost twice a month on average. Idk, I don't think it's worth breaking NC again just to tell her. Oooo and you shouldn't have responded to her, at all. She needs to get it clear in her head what losing you really means. If you keep responding you are just setting yourself up to either be a safety net or a "good friend." So please do not respond. Yea she may be hurt by it, but I promise it's not enough to stop a girl from coming back to you man. Stay strong, and stick to NC -Gator Well its just a 1hr distance but she still thinks of it as LDR. Yeh I know and i probs wouldve continued if it werent for your advice last night Gator. I just dont want her thinking i hate her now and want nothing more to do with her after we split by giving her this silent treatment and she will then try to move on without me. I got no doubt NC will help me move on with life again and its been getting slowly easier with each day until valentines hit today
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 1 hr is still kind of pushing it, my ex and I were two and that was still tough. She won't think you hate her, she will for maybe a week or two but eventually she will realize it was something you needed. It is both the only way to move on and the only way to get her back. Any communication really just sets you back in healing and serves to kill chances of getting back together. Don;t try and analyze her, the fact is girls think with emotions when it comes to relationships. Doing the logical thing just does not work lol. So we do the illogical and it causes them to miss us, and want us back if they really loved us. Until then stay strong, you will get through it. -Gator
Author Tofu Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Yeh i try to think that way too but i did the stupid thing today and looked up at her Facebook profile because I was feeling on the edge after going into town today and seeing couples everywhere which kept reminding me of her (should really have stayed home...). After going up to see it I see this valentines card sent by this guy who had a serious crush on her since late December while we were together and she too admitted she had a liking to him but stuck by me cos she said she could only see a future with me, she even told me he kissed her on new yrs eve cos he was an impulsive guy and told me she didnt like it at all. Theyre both good friends but the degree of their friendship is now a mystery to me. Time has past since that incident and now a week after our break up this guy has made his move on her and im not sure how she would answer to that anymore now that were no longer together... its wats been making my head spin today, cos i want her to know im still available by showing the reason ive gone NC and totally quiet with her but if she thinks im just gonna ignore her from now on then she'll just move on to this guy now and i know thats going to be one painful sting im gonna have to take if it does come true Edited February 15, 2011 by Tofu
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 You're looking at it the wrong way. She may date this guy, that is a good thing. Lol you guys JUST broke up, she isn't ready for a relationship this guy would date her and she wouldn't be able to move on from you the right way and they would break up because of it. As long as you don't say anything to her about it should they date. Rebound's work in your favor 90% of the time. The worst thing that can happen with NC is that she doesn't come back, contrast that with contact which you are almost guranteed that fact. The fact is if she moves on while you're in NC you will be that much close to moving on than if you stay in contact. While at the same time not ruining your chances to get her back. If she does move on she's not worth it, if love is real a person will try as hard as possible to get it back. So don't overthink it, don't use your head it isn't going to do any good vs her emotions. The only thing you should use it for is to fix any problems you had in the relationship and to get out and have fun, until then relax. Live life. -Gator
Author Tofu Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Its a strange way of thinking it but you make it sound humerous and positive and that makes me feel abit better lol. But yeh I really need to stop stressing, ive realized my faults that made this relationship fall apart and that was i seriously needed to put much more of an effort to be there for her physically, phone contact is nothing compared to being close to the person you love and i regret not doing that during the blossoming stages of our relationship. There were more factors but this one is the key one that both of us recognized was a problem. For now living life and moving forward is the best solution to these worries, youre right. Thanks for always being here for me Gator it really means alot that even tho you dont know me you still give me such amazing and inspiring advice that has gotten me through these early stages of this strict NC, youre just awesome man... thankyou again for keeping me on track and setting a path for me to follow
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 No problem at all man, just keep it up you've been doing great so far. In the end whatever happens, happens you will be better for it. -Gator
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