Lil1 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hi all. It’s been roughly a month and a half since I broke off my 2 year relationship and I’m still wondering if I did the right thing. Even though I technically ended the relationship I feel as though he initiated it by moving to a different state and leaving me. I posted about this on a different thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262488/ I know that his maturity level wasn’t quite where it should have been (i.e., not having a job, paying for his share of the rent, or having the ability to go out on nice dates), but we were very compatible in all other aspects. I still think about him every day and more often than not I have to fight back the tears. My friends and family tell me that I am doing the right thing; that I deserve a man who can take care of me (at least bring 50-50 to the relationship) and that if he truly loved me he would not have left. He would have made every effort to find a job here and stay by my side. I know they are right but I find myself trying to rationalize all the reasons for him leaving and trying to make it sound better in my head. He told me that his plan was to go and work for his cousin (his cousin is providing for him, and he enjoys what he does) and save enough money so that I can move to be with him and we can have a new start in a place where it is not as expensive to live as it is here in the bay area. My heart tells me that he still loves me. And I know that I still love him. So is this a test? If love is to prevail am I supposed to stick through this long distance and let him do his thing? It is his birthday tomorrow. Do I wish him a happy BDay? I broke NC at the end of Jan. to see when he was planning on coming to get his things out of my apt. He replied that he needs to save a little more money before moving everything. We have been NC since then. Maybe he has moved on since he has not contacted me at all either. My heart wants me to call him up and confess my undying love to him, but my head tells me to be strong and that ‘this too shall pass’. I will eventually be happy again with someone else who is just as compatible if not more... yet that thought makes me want to hang on to my ex even more. In love, which prevails, the heart or the mind? How do you get a balance of both? By letting go and focusing on oneself? Your advice is greatly appreciated!
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The heart is usually stronger than the mind, and in most cases the heart is usually right. But if your ex was really not right for you you are going to have to move on. Idk, the guy doesn't sound like he is a very good guy and eventually you will find someone who is better for you. On the other hand, a good compromise could be to try and get him back. But on your terms, to come back to him and tell him you want to make it work but that he's going to have to change a few things. You guys drastically need to change the dynamic of the relationship or you are going to be miserable for your whole life. I would suggest this, and not investing yourself fully for a month or two to see if he will really change for you before you commit to him again. If not, then you will have to call it quits and move on completely. -Gator
Author Lil1 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Thank you Gator 12, sounds like I should just let it be. You are right, I do want him back but I want him to realize the mistakes he has made in not being more adult in our relationship and I do want him to make some changes, not only for the sake of our relationship but for his own personal growth as well. Maybe being in a different state will do this for him, although I dont see how because now instead of me supporting him his cousin is. Sigh... my head tells me to think logically, but I still miss him.
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 And it's completely normal. NC is very hard but it sets both of you up for either the quickest moving on or the best possible chance of a successful reconciliation. Stay strong, things will get better. My ex had a team of all of her friends supporting her after our breakup, even the guy she cheated on me with. Funny thing is he gets into a relationship with her best friend, her other best friend is also in a relationship. She's gonna have some serious thinking to do without all of them there. Lol don't worry the only place to go from here is up. -Gator
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