frostythesnowman Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hey everyone, I wasn't exactly sure where to post this but here's my story.. Please take the time to read it, help and tips would be greatly appreciated. I'm a junior in high school and I've been best friends with this girl for about 4 years. We dated for a year and broke up about 6 months ago. Our relationship was great, I lost my virginity to her, and I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with me saying this but I can say I love her. We've been very on and off since we broke up and have talked to and hooked up with other people. I haven't gotten over my feelings for her since we broke up and I've tried NC, but it never really works because she will end up contacting me. The thing is, I don't want to get over her. I have really strong feelings for her and I love spending time with her. When with another girl I don't feel the same connection and it just doesn't feel right. A little over a month ago, I screwed up and at a party we were both at I was pretty drunk and got fed up with seeing her with another guy and said some uncalled for things to her and called her several times in a really bad state. This was a huge mistake on my part and screwed me over in the end. She is now with another guy, not officially dating, but hanging out and stuff but we still talk a good amount and she's told me that she "misses me" and "its not the same without me" and that she misses how I used to compliment her and that her family misses me. I miss her too so much, and I've told her that I don't really have feelings for her now but that I do miss her (which I do still have feelings for her, but telling her won't help anything). We plan on going to prom together this spring no matter if either of us are with someone else or not, so that's good but I really want to be with her and I can't stop thinking about her. It's been like this since we broke up, and for the past 4 years even since I've known her. It's always been like this, on and off between us, and I'm so attracted to her physically and emotionally. So, I do NOT want tips on how to get over her, just how can I get her back? Shes not exactly in a relationship with this guy but just "with" him so it wouldn't be a bad thing if I was trying to get back with her. How can I make her want me even more and miss me more?? I don't want to be too clingy and I want to give her something to chase but I don't want to barely talk to her enough that she forgets about me. Help me please!!!! Thanks so much
zebracolors Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I don't mean to pry and I wont really. However I would like to ask if you can sum up her side? She sounds unsure right now really when she says she misses you but is still with chatting up the other guy. But she could be just keeping you on the back burner in case it does not work with the new guy, which in of itself seems like a unfair thing to do to you(IMO). Especially if she already knows you still feel love for her. Unless anyone else can chime in for better advice, I am afraid there is nothing you can do to get her back that you are not already doing. I.e staying in contact with her and still being friends with her. She will have to decide if she can get over what you did at the party. This is a going to be a worn out phrase and someone might tell you this even though you say you don't want to move on. Its to never make someone a priority in your life, who only sees you as an option. Old phrase maybe but I really think this is one of those times unless you don't mind being just an "option" for her.
Author frostythesnowman Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I get what you're saying, and she somewhat feels the same about me. I kinda agree with the option thing, but I don't think I'm much of a backup plan but I think she misses being with me too. I've tried moving on but I don't want to, I just want her back.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I miss her too so much, and I've told her that I don't really have feelings for her now but that I do miss her (which I do still have feelings for her, but telling her won't help anything). Why would you not tell her you have feelings for her? Because she is probably with this other dude because you said you didn't like her! She is now with another guy, not officially dating, but hanging out and stuff but we still talk a good amount and she's told me that she "misses me" and "its not the same without me" and that she misses how I used to compliment her and that her family misses me. She's giving you hints here. It's the "teenage girl" way of saying she has feelings for you. She's probably afraid of looking stupid though because you have been lying to her about how you feel. Moral of the story: be honest. Tell her you love and and want her back. The worst she can say is "no" but at least then you will have some closure and can possibly move on.
motherlover Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 #1 it's human nature to want what you can't have. so if she is aware that you are waiting for her to come back, she will be in NO hurry, and will play the field knowing she can always fall back to you. #2 jealousy is the #1 most unattractive thing to a woman. so be carefull what you say, even being honest and spilling your heart to her, and telling her it drives you nuts to see her with another guy, may be what you feel like you need to get off your chest, but the reaction most likely be what you would like, the truth is, from what i have gathered from relationship books, and forums, is that guys are actually much more sensitive and vulnerable that woman. and that woman can be ruthless, and heartless. and even if you dont wan't to be that guy, you must "play the game" #3 He who cares less controls the relationship. -she will only come back to you when/if she wants to, and there is nothing you can do to persuade her. it's just like getting pulled over by a cop, are you going to beg, and ask him not to give you a ticket, or are you just gonna be on your best behavior, and be as nice as possible without bringing up anything about the ticket?? in other words, put it in your mind, that you will never get it back, and that you are either on a friend level only, or NC. just be nice to her, and always be happy when you talk to her, play the friend part, and never bring up anything about relationships.. before you know it, she will bring it up. this will be phase2. (don't jump right back in with both feet first) haha worry about that later tho.. Last thing is don't be so available to talk/hangout. no contact/less contact forces her to realize your value, you can't value something that has always been there.
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