Mme. Chaucer Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hahahahahahahahahaha. How this relates to the thread I have no idea but lol @ wee wee. Feature: Based on the same technology used for NASA's briefs. Do you think polyamorous people are more prone to wee wee problems than monogamous people?
denise_xo Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 We were invited to a party at the home of a couple we know who are, and have been for a long while, poly. And admittedly I was hesitant to go. I was worried it was a mixer for meeting new partners. We decided to go but did not intend to stay very long. I was surprised. No recruiting. No hanging from the ceiling orgy party. Just folks hanging out and if I'd not been aware going there that the couple hosting was poly I'd have never guessed anything was amiss. I figure poly is like most things in that its just not for everyone and anyone who talks about it as though it is, isn't someone I'd trust. Until stats prove me wrong, I'll work on the assumption that most polys have regular lives and more or less do whatever it is that 'the rest of us' do. Sometimes the poly assumptions (I don't mean yours S4S, but your post brought up the general issue of expectations) about extreme promiscuity and people who more or less sexually 'attack' each other remind me of how homosexuals were talked about twenty years ago.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I'm torn about poly relationships. They're definitely not for me, but I don't give a flying flip what other people do. I don't see how they work, but I know some people who swear they do. But I'm against manifestos in general --- why diss monogamy in order to prop up what you believe? That's what I'd put to the person. If you truly believe in it, you don't have to fuss about the alternatives, or try to recruit. A very good point, and I agree with you. Though I will say that perhaps monogamy -- like everything -- is not for everyone, and that trying to fit people into it who don't fit well is part of the problem. Maybe if we stop trying to make it a 'value' and forcing it upon people who are never going to really buy in, divorce rates go down. Just a thought. You can say live and let live all you want. However, these are competing value systems, and it's clear one is strongly being promoted. So, just saying that polyamory fits some people is a cop out. If a person constantly need to search out new lovers to find thrill and excitement... what does that say about him or her? The vast majority of poly relationships I see, do not start out that way.... and one person is push while the other is hesitant.
lavalamp Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I mean, our concept of relationships is entirely a social construction, including polyamorous relationships, so I really hate it when it's presented to me as some "natural" and more "sophisticated" form of living. It's just another human construction, no different than monogamy in it's "naturalness" and "sophistication." If a couple wants to do that, then great, I'm all for it if it works for you. But as Larry David says, "I like lobster, but i don't go around shouting at people to try the lobster. Oooh, ooh, the lobster is so great, you must have some of the lobster!"
sally4sara Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Until stats prove me wrong, I'll work on the assumption that most polys have regular lives and more or less do whatever it is that 'the rest of us' do. Sometimes the poly assumptions (I don't mean yours S4S, but your post brought up the general issue of expectations) about extreme promiscuity and people who more or less sexually 'attack' each other remind me of how homosexuals were talked about twenty years ago. Oh I fully admit my expectations came from not knowing; any tag you don that isn't mainstream becomes suspect. Consider if I said I was a skinhead. Despite that racism is not the origin of skinhead culture, that they are likely a racist is usually the first assumption made upon hearing someone say they are a skinhead. With poly, it is that it describes a sexual proclivity rather than simply loving many people. I look at the word and break it down. Many loves. Don't people already do this? You love your SO, your parents, siblings etc. and no one gives you the fish eye over saying "Oh I love my BF, folks and little sis". Its the sexual actions of poly that stand out, that difference between loving many and having sex with many and that was what was behind my worries about the party we were invited to. Where I would hear someone say they love more than one person, my literal mind thinks "pffft, yar me too duh". Stating that one is poly though - it speaks of more than just an appreciative attachment to many people in your life. Is it like being gay where one is born that way? I don't know.
denise_xo Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Oh I fully admit my expectations came from not knowing; any tag you don that isn't mainstream becomes suspect. Consider if I said I was a skinhead. Despite that racism is not the origin of skinhead culture, that they are likely a racist is usually the first assumption made upon hearing someone say they are a skinhead. With poly, it is that it describes a sexual proclivity rather than simply loving many people. I look at the word and break it down. Many loves. Don't people already do this? You love your SO, your parents, siblings etc. and no one gives you the fish eye over saying "Oh I love my BF, folks and little sis". Its the sexual actions of poly that stand out, that difference between loving many and having sex with many and that was what was behind my worries about the party we were invited to. Where I would hear someone say they love more than one person, my literal mind thinks "pffft, yar me too duh". Stating that one is poly though - it speaks of more than just an appreciative attachment to many people in your life. Is it like being gay where one is born that way? I don't know. Yes, I don't know. I don't think we're biologically wired to be monogamous, but that's a bit beside the point in that being social creatures involves negating or moderating a lot of our more 'natural' urges. The gay comparison was more with regard to 'outsiders' being categorised as 'morally and sexually wild' (which Africans and other colonized peoples also used to be once upon a time, and so on). I see how being sexually pluralistic is exactly what defines polys, but I would guess that within that category there is a range, just like with others, as to what role sex has in your life (?) I'm not too familiar with the phenomenon, so I don't know if the majority of polys are 'in love' or 'love' several partners, or if it is more defined by sexual variety with less emotional attachment. You could argue that all stereotypes reflect reality in some sense, but some reflect them more than others. E.g. statistically, it might be the case that skin heads are more likely to be racist, than for polys to make 'indecent advances' on strangers. Or it might be the opposite. I don't know. Since our capacity to generalise is innate, my take on it is that we just have to watch ourselves and try to figure it out as we go along.
zengirl Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 You can say live and let live all you want. However, these are competing value systems, and it's clear one is strongly being promoted. So, just saying that polyamory fits some people is a cop out. If a person constantly need to search out new lovers to find thrill and excitement... what does that say about him or her? That he or she isn't a good monogamous partner and should, perhaps, partner with other likeminded people in a new style of arrangement (such as poly) or not at all, for the happiness and success of everyone involved. Look, I'm not in that club any more than you are, UF, but I'd rather not have someone unhappily force themselves into one mode --- making themselves AND potentially a partner AND potentially other people in society miserable in the process --- when they could instead come up with a system that works for them and hurts no one. That's my point. The last thing I want is someone trying to force themselves to be monogamous because they've been told they "should" in order to be a good person. I just don't think that ever goes well.
Recommended Posts