LondonS Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Met a guy after 4/5 weeks worth of emailing, had a brilliant first date, movie, dinner, holding hands, kiss at the end of the night and guy follows up for the second date etc.. Question is, he was rather flirty before we met in texts, emails etc....little bit suggestive, you get my point !! Since we have met, he is rather cautious and always seems to be less flirtier then before, planning second date and says he is really looking forward to it and seems like a rather expensive night !! So why is he less flirty in his texts and emails? I obviously could tell how much he fancied me on our first date and spark was amazing, why is he reserved now? is this a normal guy behaviour that I should know about?
Jazzari Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I think flirty and suggestive before you meet is normal. But after you start to date, it might be interpreted as being pushy. So I can see why a guy would back off a bit and take it slower. Especially if you are important to him. But I'm not a guy so this is just a guess.
Author LondonS Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I think flirty and suggestive before you meet is normal. But after you start to date, it might be interpreted as being pushy. So I can see why a guy would back off a bit and take it slower. Especially if you are important to him. But I'm not a guy so this is just a guess. My best friend ( a girl) thinks the same and says he seems serious about dating you thats why he is being more cautious. He flirts but very classy, decent and within reserved limits. He was a bit more flirty and cheeky before we met !
fishtaco Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Well I'm a guy, and I think that's a very strong possibility, especially since he is still into continuing to see you. He's afraid he'll cross some imaginary line with you and screw it up. I'd say a good sign. Once he understands your limit he'll probably relax and goof around a bit more.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 From experience, sexual attraction and over the top imaginary expectations always occur before the first date. Men are particularly flirtatious, yet after the first date, they may either start to lose interest, or become preoccupied with other options. This would prove to be a perfect example of a quick crash and burn. Attraction should be gradual; I advise you to be slightly cautious, in case he decides to " disappear".
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 From experience, sexual attraction and over the top imaginary expectations always occur before the first date. Men are particularly flirtatious, yet after the first date, they may either start to lose interest, or become preoccupied with other options. This would prove to be a perfect example of a quick crash and burn. Attraction should be gradual; I advise you to be slightly cautious, in case he decides to " disappear". He never was too over the top but surely use to play along with anything flirty initiated by me, now I notice him to be a little more reserved in his approach, though he still writes to me, may be you are right, online dating is a strange place, people keep shopping for more !
Duckduckgoose Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Sounds fine to me... I thought maybe he was gonna set you up or after an awesome first date he never called you again. I was sweatin' it for ya!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 He never was too over the top but surely use to play along with anything flirty initiated by me, now I notice him to be a little more reserved in his approach, though he still writes to me, may be you are right, online dating is a strange place, people keep shopping for more ! Look for action rather than compliments. It's one thing to say " hey sexy" it's another thing when he stops responding or initiating. If his actions are consistent, then he's a keeper. But he starts becoming distant, you'll know.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Sounds fine to me... I thought maybe he was gonna set you up or after an awesome first date he never called you again. I was sweatin' it for ya! He is abroad on work related trip but we speak in one form or another pretty much daily, I just feel he doesnt play along with anything flirty and even if he does, it all seems too cautious. May be I am over thinking this.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Look for action rather than compliments. It's one thing to say " hey sexy" it's another thing when he stops responding or initiating. If his actions are consistent, then he's a keeper. But he starts becoming distant, you'll know. I'd say he is pretty consistent and always contacts/replies, goes into details of his day. I do however notice him on the dating site but not way too often. I guess I have to just wait and see.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I'd say he is pretty consistent and always contacts/replies, goes into details of his day. I do however notice him on the dating site but not way too often. I guess I have to just wait and see. Possibility of fishing- medium to high. Sounds like he's not ready to be a one woman-man just yet. Do wait and see and do not hold too much expectations towards him until you're ready to have any sort of talk of exclusivity.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 once a guy is afraid of crosing a line hes toast. Please explain ??
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Possibility of fishing- medium to high. Sounds like he's not ready to be a one woman-man just yet. Do wait and see and do not hold too much expectations towards him until you're ready to have any sort of talk of exclusivity. I log into my dating account more often then he does to his and I have another date comming up as well with a different guy. we had a little chat over seeing other people. His exact remarks were, I'd rather you didnt date many others but I,ll understand if you chose to, whatever that means.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I log into my dating account more often then he does to his and I have another date comming up as well with a different guy. we had a little chat over seeing other people. His exact remarks were, I'd rather you didnt date many others but I,ll understand if you chose to, whatever that means. Aha! so he's following your lead. Quite possibly he does want to date only you, but your actions tell him that you're a multidater, hence he's being cautious. Now I understand why he's being a little reserved about flirting with you.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Aha! so he's following your lead. Quite possibly he does want to date only you, but your actions tell him that you're a multidater, hence he's being cautious. Now I understand why he's being a little reserved about flirting with you. I am happy to date only him, not really a multi-dater or a fan of it really. I am just being cautious too incase it doesnt work out with him. Not sure what is the best course to take at this point.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I am happy to date only him, not really a multi-dater or a fan of it really. I am just being cautious too incase it doesnt work out with him. Not sure what is the best course to take at this point. So how many dates have the two of you been on? 4-5 dates should be reasonable for you to suggest that the two of you guys " date" each other and go from there. Exclusivity does not apply until maybe a month into dating or until either one of you suggests it. Be more initiative if you're seeking for exclusivity.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 So how many dates have the two of you been on? 4-5 dates should be reasonable for you to suggest that the two of you guys " date" each other and go from there. Exclusivity does not apply until maybe a month into dating or until either one of you suggests it. Be more initiative if you're seeking for exclusivity. due to his work, he travels abroad a lot, we met and have been talking since mid Dec. Met once for a quick coffee and one full on 6-7 hours date, kissed etc. since then we communicate daily too. Planning second date to this very expensive show which he suggested. I have to wait and see how it unfolds.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 due to his work, he travels abroad a lot, we met and have been talking since mid Dec. Met once for a quick coffee and one full on 6-7 hours date, kissed etc. since then we communicate daily too. Planning second date to this very expensive show which he suggested. I have to wait and see how it unfolds. You guys are moving at a snail's pace... try to meet more in person and focus less on worded communication. Until the both of you interact more in person, what your assumptions about him are basically void because technically, you don't really know him too well.
lenny Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I don't have any real idea of what could be going on but here's a possible scenario: Really, the question is whether you changed the dynamic of this relationship that you started or to wait and see what happens. I think we are all guilty of this (me included). We play games. Not that we intend them to be games or have any malicious intention but we do play these games. A lot of this is self preservation. We go on a date with a guy and really like him. Rather than say "You know, I really like you and would like to explore this more so I think I'm going to stop looking", we say how we are talking to some other men as well. We don't want to come across as too eager and scare him away of course. Also, we want him to know that you aren't desperate and there other men wanting to get to know you as well. To this statement he reacts a bit cooler because although he really likes you, he doesn't want to invest too much into this because after all, you are evaluating multiple possible and doesn't want to start thinking of you as a potential relationship where he could get hurt. Whether he's actually started to care for you or care for the potential. No one likes to get let down. So now comes the drama. You have noticed a cooler reaction from him. He likewise doesn't want to seem to eager although he is so he is texting you regularly, responding to texts quite promptly, but toning it down a little bit. Planning with you a second date outing where he thinks he can really wow you and you won't want to talk to those other guys. I know saying this won't change a single thing in this dating game but what would it be like if people actually said just what they were feeling. "I feel a real connection to you and am totally into checking this out". Because we are so conditioned to the game, an honest response would probably scare him away thinking you were clingy and such. I think it's just that I don't get this multi-dating thing. Unless things are super casual and that spark hasn't occurred, why are we checking out other options? If it's good, why don't we just focus on the one thing and see what happens. We don't have an expiry date we need to rush on this keeping multiple options open. So now your maybe thinking this statement you made might have changed the dynamic (otherwise we probably wouldn't know about it). You told him you are not focusing on where this spark may lead, you are keeping your options open when really you were. He in kind is trying to seem more casual about things. So, just perhaps, this might be the reason (of course, I could be totally wrong - just a might).
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I don't have any real idea of what could be going on but here's a possible scenario: Really, the question is whether you changed the dynamic of this relationship that you started or to wait and see what happens. I think we are all guilty of this (me included). We play games. Not that we intend them to be games or have any malicious intention but we do play these games. A lot of this is self preservation. We go on a date with a guy and really like him. Rather than say "You know, I really like you and would like to explore this more so I think I'm going to stop looking", we say how we are talking to some other men as well. We don't want to come across as too eager and scare him away of course. Also, we want him to know that you aren't desperate and there other men wanting to get to know you as well. To this statement he reacts a bit cooler because although he really likes you, he doesn't want to invest too much into this because after all, you are evaluating multiple possible and doesn't want to start thinking of you as a potential relationship where he could get hurt. Whether he's actually started to care for you or care for the potential. No one likes to get let down. So now comes the drama. You have noticed a cooler reaction from him. He likewise doesn't want to seem to eager although he is so he is texting you regularly, responding to texts quite promptly, but toning it down a little bit. Planning with you a second date outing where he thinks he can really wow you and you won't want to talk to those other guys. I know saying this won't change a single thing in this dating game but what would it be like if people actually said just what they were feeling. "I feel a real connection to you and am totally into checking this out". Because we are so conditioned to the game, an honest response would probably scare him away thinking you were clingy and such. I think it's just that I don't get this multi-dating thing. Unless things are super casual and that spark hasn't occurred, why are we checking out other options? If it's good, why don't we just focus on the one thing and see what happens. We don't have an expiry date we need to rush on this keeping multiple options open. So now your maybe thinking this statement you made might have changed the dynamic (otherwise we probably wouldn't know about it). You told him you are not focusing on where this spark may lead, you are keeping your options open when really you were. He in kind is trying to seem more casual about things. So, just perhaps, this might be the reason (of course, I could be totally wrong - just a might). I did say that to him that I am very happy to focus on just him as I am pretty busy myself, his response was, I cant really complain if you want to see others as I am away a lot...No idea what he meant. I agree with everything you said there, dating has become so complicated. I dont really want to see anyone else and I think after our 2nd date, I,ll just tell him I want to focus on him, whatever his response might be.
lenny Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Sorry for being so negative. I wasn't having a bad day or anything. I just get so frustrated with this whole dating thing. I'm sooo happy with my bf but totally got caught up in this game we play that although I did tell him exactly what I was feeling and he told me exactly what he was feeling, we still didn't really believe each other. I started over analyzing every little thing he did and what it might mean, it just about made me loony. I think I'm pretty calm about things now but it was a long process getting there.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Some guys just talk a big game before it's time to step up to the plate, and then when the game is on they choke and don't live up to their own hype. Not that he was braggy or cocky, but it's a lot easier to "talk" than to "do" if you know what I mean. He's probably a little nervous around you still. It's only been one date, give him some time.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Sorry for being so negative. I wasn't having a bad day or anything. I just get so frustrated with this whole dating thing. I'm sooo happy with my bf but totally got caught up in this game we play that although I did tell him exactly what I was feeling and he told me exactly what he was feeling, we still didn't really believe each other. I started over analyzing every little thing he did and what it might mean, it just about made me loony. I think I'm pretty calm about things now but it was a long process getting there. well done for achieving that sanity, I am pretty tired of dating games and antics myself. Today saw a huge improvement in him though, we had a very good conversation and made some plans for next couple of weeks. Looks like I was over analyzing a little.
Author LondonS Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Some guys just talk a big game before it's time to step up to the plate, and then when the game is on they choke and don't live up to their own hype. Not that he was braggy or cocky, but it's a lot easier to "talk" than to "do" if you know what I mean. He's probably a little nervous around you still. It's only been one date, give him some time. I am all for giving this time, whats there to lose anyway
Recommended Posts