Sanguine77 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I’ve been dating a guy for a month and a week now – met him through eHarmony. We met and clicked instantly and started spending all our free time together and things were great. We had a lot of fun and laughed a lot. He also started saying things like he loved me, and talking about things most couples don’t talk until after a few months and that threw me off a little but I went with the flow, even though it was a red flag to me. He also called me his girlfriend a couple times. But he had to travel abroad for ten days after the first three weeks and he called me every single day from there, even if it was just for a few minutes. But then he came back and had a stressful week at work, was jetlagged and also a little sick and I didn’t see him for 4-5 days (which I completely understood and even told him so). But what’s throwing me off is he is now pulling back and not texting/calling when he not with me. He’s a doctor and is on calls most nights so I get that he’s very busy but the change in his behavior is what’s worrying me. Is he having doubts now because he jumped in to the relationship too soon and things are getting serious? Is he going to break up with me? I need some piece of mind regarding this. Please help![/FONT]
Jazzari Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 It could be that he is just more relaxed with you. Its hard to maintain the level of intensity that you feel when you first start dating someone. Today is V-Day. Has he done anything to show you his feelings today?
Author Sanguine77 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 No, I haven't heard from him since yesterday morning when he left my place. I called him and texted him once each time yesterday, but he hasn't gotten back to me at all. He did mention that we would hang out tonight, but that was more like taken for granted because we have been spending every single night that he is free together. He was on call all of yesterday and must have gone back home this morning and must be sleeping right now - and I get that - but my gut feeling tells me something is wrong.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Maybe he is worried that he has freaked you out a bit with his intensity, and is now pulling back so he doesn't scare you off? I don't know, it could be just circumstantial, that he really IS tired/busy, especially if he is a doctor. Why don't you ask him what's up? Just say that you have observed lately that he hasn't been contacting you as much and you just want to make sure everything is okay with you two.
Author Sanguine77 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I already contacted him twice yesterday. I don't want to come across as pushing him. If he wants to get in touch with me, he will no matter what I do and vice versa. I think that there might b another twist to this - A friend of mine has suggested[FONT=Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] that him jumping in to the relationship so quickly and telling me how he feels about me could have been a sign of rebounding. He broke up with his girlfriend of three years a few months ago because her family wouldn't accept him and wanted her to start seeing someone from their own community, which she started doing behind his back. He found out through one of her close friends and stopped talking to her. Not sure if they ever had an official break up but he moved here from NYC around the time so it must have worked out without really talking about the break up. The funny thing is she actually called yesterday and he told me about it and seemed flustered as to why would she call because according to him they haven't talked since last September. I asked him if that chapter of his life was over, he said it was and he had no intentions of getting back with her after what she did. But it could be that he is rebounding with me and is doing exactly what you mentioned in your post. But he seems like a nice guy and I see potential with him - do you think if I gave him space, he might be able to figure out what he really feels for me? I hate to be his rebound![/FONT]
bluebirdsfly Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hi Sanguine, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Your story sounds exactly like mine and the guy dumped me after 4 months of dating. Long story short, we met online, hit it off, got on REALLY well. He fell for me fast and hard. He just ended a long-term relationship with an alcoholic. He's an engineer, nice person, super busy. He had an international trip for 2 weeks after we met 1.5 months. Even during the trip, he seems to be pulling back. Thinking back, things were dead after 2 months, and I was finding excuses for him, like being busy, etc, in the last 2 months of the dating, he was always busy, too busy, even on the weekend he only got half a day to meet me....but I've learned some thing from the experience: 1. trust your gut feelings. 2. don't ignore red flags. 3. trust your gut feelings. I'd been sensing that something's wrong in the beginning, but I ignored those little voices because things seemed perfect. Trust me, I'm the textbook girlfriend. I'm loving, caring, understanding,drama free and not clingy at all. And these are the attributes he's looking for in a rebound. He's hurting and he need this kind of love to heal. After he heals, he doesn't see me as attractive anymore. But I do hope that yours could end differently. Talk to him.
Author Sanguine77 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Hi Bluebirdsfly! I’m sorry to hear how things ended with you guys. Whatever you’re saying makes a whole lot of sense but I want to give my guy the benefit of the doubt. May be he really wants to make things work with me. He actually called me yesterday (three calls and one text within two hours because I didn’t answer my phone) as soon as he woke up post call, and made reservations for dinner in lieu of Valentine’s day – we had a great time and he left this morning saying that he’d talk to me tomorrow as he is on call today until tomorrow morning. I’m thinking that he was more available to text/call the first month because he was trying to woo me and make sure I really like him and now that he knows that, he feels more comfortable and just wants to focus on his job when he is not with me. Being a doctor and being on call for hours at a stretch can be a very strenuous job. You might be right too – we might break up like you guys did too or we might not. But I won’t know until I give it a shot. Being paranoid might ruin something that is good. My paranoia and gut can also be due to my last five year long relationship that ended badly and I didn’t trust the guy at all. This current guy seems nice but you’re right – he might be rebounding with me without even knowing it. But he almost never talks about his ex and doesn’t give me any signs that he is hurting so may be he is done with his ex and wants to start something with me. We’ll find out. Thanks for your insight!
bluebirdsfly Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hi Sanguine, sounds like you two had fun yesterday! I do hope yours could work out. But if his pattern continues, make sure to talk to him. Being an understanding person, I gave that guy the benefit of doubt all the way until he broke up with me. I wish I had talked to him and ended things earlier. I wish I had trusted my gut feelings. He never talked about his ex either. When I think back, there were red flags popping up here and there. But your guy does sound better than my ex. You have my best wishes. Hugs:love:
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