SilverLining Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) I moved to the city about 5 years ago, and for the past 3 years I have had a group of friends, age late 20s to 30s people. Most of them are going out friends that I don't really talk to or see personally unless we are all out with the group. I go on my facebook and realize that they have all defriended me. Well, all is not right. Two of them did not. I realize that sounds a bit middle school but...I guess Facebook is the new middle school for adults. I admit things have been a little crazy. I lost my job and I ended up moving in with a male friend. This roommate wanted to date me and when I declined he has treated me...well pretty badly in many ways, and then he goes to complain about the little I do to a mutual friend. Mostly my roommate is moody and will ignore me or yell at me when he's upset about something else, and I try to be nice, try to be understanding, and then I can't take it anymore and I react...so then he gets mad at ME for reacting to his cruelty and complains that I fought with him. Anyway, this friend he has been complaining about me to, got everyone and I mean EVERYONE to stop being my friend. I cannot for the life of me figure out why. My roommate didn't know, and no one is telling him why either. My roommate is pissed - even though we fight, he can't see that I mistreated anyone or acted weird in any way. I have tried to contact them and no one will tell me why this was done. The only thing I do know is that I have a friend in the group, a very attractive girl, who constantly gets wasted and disappears with random guys. The last time we went out, she disappeared and it turned out she was doing drugs in the bathroom. I went out with 2 mutual girlfriends and I mentioned how frustrated I was that I had to play babysitter and I thought she made some bad choices. One of the girls had recently started to hang out with us more was there and she said she didn't see the issue and got upset that I was talking about it. I then said that I wasn't meaning to talk badly about our friend, and I was going to talk to her myself about this. I even went to this friend afterward and apologized for making her uncomfortable. Apparently she went back and told the girl in question everything before I could talk to her, and so now the girl thinks I'm always talking about her behind her back. I'm not. In a group there's always a bit of people talking about each other but I'm more likely to be positive about a person. The other girl there who knows myself and this attractive friend better has not dropped me, and she has said she hasn't known me really to talk crap about people and certainly could understand my frustration at our friend. She also said that she knows I'm a kind person and she couldn't see that at any point I did anything malicious or hurtful to people. I can't think of any other reason these people would do this to me. I know that my roommate's friend, who is supposed to be my friend as well, is angry with me because of my roommate's venting, which is ridiculous because every time I talk to this particular friend all he does is vent about his gf! She's dumb, we never have sex, she's ignorant...all the time. He talks crap about every person, and I'm always defending them, even his gf! You'd think he'd get the whole venting thing. I have a new job and will be moving out soon. I do have some other friends in the city, but no else that I really go out with. I am deeply hurt. I can't understand why everyone would do this to me, I'm a nice person, always very free with compliments and I don't ignore my friends or treat them badly. I haven't fought with anyone. I feel embarrassed and I keep going over and over what I may or may not have done. If I had done something awful, wouldn't someone tell me? Wouldn't it be one or two people upset with me, not an entire group, involving some people that I rarely even talk to? This is a punishment. I'm being punished here. Does anyone else have a similar situation? I don't know what to do. Edited February 14, 2011 by SilverLining
Author SilverLining Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 No responses, really??? Ok, well I found out so far that the ringleader is upset that I was going on dates...even though my roommate and I had discussed this and he was going on dates as well...what kind of people are these???
ayjt80 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 They are not worth your time. make new friends
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Friends who badmouth about each other are all in the wrong but those who walk away from a relationships just because of a silly misunderstanding aren't really good friends to begin with.
Author SilverLining Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I know. I just think that this is the most horrible, immature thing to do to someone. This is the group that I celebrated birthdays, events, everything with...and since I don't have any family in the city and few other friends it's a blow to me to suddenly have them all turn their back on me. But the more I find out, the more it seems that it's simply one person who has been badmouthing me and not necessarily that I did anything to offend. Which is really disgusting and wrong. Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends, as the saying goes.
Author SilverLining Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Back in my home state, I had a group of friends that I was close with for 20 years before I moved here. I definitely know that when there's a bunch of mutual friends together, people are going to talk about each other. You just hope it's not mean spirited or if there was an issue, someone would bring it up to the person in question. If the group is discussing someone, I may or may not agree with what is being said but regardless, I always put a positive spin on it. Like if a person is consistently late or blowing us off, instead of bashing I might say, "Yes, the person has been blowing us off, but you know they just started a new job/new relationship/maybe they are upset, we ought to mention this to them". I don't just start badmouthing people because I learned a long time ago it never ends well. But I also learned too that if you hear something through word of mouth, you need to go to the source because you are likely to find that something has been misinterpreted or misunderstood. In this particular instance, I was just very frustrated and I didn't handle it well. This girl has a serious problem and I became upset when one of the girls (she's not a newcomer, but she has recently begun hanging out with us more) didn't see the issue. You SERIOUSLY don't see an issue with YOUR friend disappearing with random guys and doing someone ELSE'S drugs with someone she doesn't know...she could have been drugged or raped, the drugs could have been cut with something else and next thing you know, she's dead in the bathroom! I was upset because I couldn't get why no one else seemed to think that's an issue. She wants to get upset with me because I was concerned about her, that's fine. I think she would do better to question why no one else seems to be concerned, then to cut ties with someone who obviously cares enough to be concerned about her. Frankly, this particular friend who 'told on me' used to be pretty overweight and I think this is more about her trying to create dissention between me and our very attractive and popular friend because perhaps she doesn't have the confidence to know she's fine on her own. Edited February 15, 2011 by SilverLining
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