kris-26 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 So here is the short version....my ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for 6-7 months now. two weeks after we broke up we found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby. Now rewind back....my ex has serious emotional issues. Which we found out he was a compulsive liar, and had some sexual addictions via internet. He was abused as a child so he is completly emotionally cut off and sees a therapy group weekly (that i found for him) he is depressed and says he is dead inside. He has done some pretty awful things to me since we were dating and broken up. I loved him very much and wanted to help him get better but became clear he never really could. So back to the pregnancy, we talked everyday through out and there were medical issues. We were sleeping together in the first months of the pregnancy. I did not trust him at all bc he was compuslive liar so i went beneath myself and checked his phone etc. Well one night of us hanging out I found a paper for him to get a herpes test and with a girl name on it that was one of his friends, so obv he slept with her. and to make matters worse he denied it for a week straight and then admitted he slept w her once and on the night i was admitted to hosp for almost losing our baby. So end of that part, he gave me herpes. Which caused our baby serious health problems that ended up causing me to lose her six months pregnant. Now I have severe medical problems bc of the herpes and complications caused by the loss of the baby (all his fault). Now here is my question, we obv have very complicated relationship, and I will never move on and grief and get my life back until he isnt in my life anymore, I know this. but he is insistant that we have to keep talking until I am better medically. I told him goodbye and he said no, he cant until I am better. And i asked after I was better would he move on and he said yes. I feel like this is some excuse. I dont understand why he needs to talk everyday and get medical updates. He says its because he cares, but he gives crumbs and says thats all he can give bc he is emotionally cut off. I guess my question is, do you think this is just an excuse to keep up this disfunctional communication we have? and should I just stop speaking ot him?
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Jeez girl. What a terrible situation to be in. Really sorry for you. You need to tell him to F*CK OFF FOREVER. Never ever speak to this complete arsehole again.
Raphael Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Run, run, run away from him as fast as you can. He is seriously out of touch with reality. He obviously feels very guilty about giving you herpes, which he should. And since he feels that way, he is not empty inside, he does have feelings. But you can't live on someone else's guilt. Tell him you forgive him but that you are moving on. Even if you don't really forgive him, tell him that just to help push him out the door. He has so many mental and emotional issues there is no way he can possibly have a healthy relationship with you. First he has to develop a relationship with himself, which he has not done. This guy will always hurt you and will always blame his past for his lack of feelings. If you still want a relationship with him, make it contingent on his going into therapy (and sticking with it) and making changes in his behavior. His state of mind and mental health are not your responsibility. I'm sure you know herpes is incurable so you will have to deal with it the rest of your life. If you give in to his wanting to stay in touch until you are well, that means you will have to have him in your life forever. Is that what you want? Tell him good-bye before he does any more damage to you. Good luck.
Author kris-26 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 He does not want to get back together, nor do I. The only feelings he is able to have is guilt and self hate due to his abuse. He is unable to feel love and happy things. He only sees bad in things. and he means until the surgery i have to have is over, not the herpes. But he said he will never move on from this because he is dead inside and his life is over. I have told him numerous times I forgave him. I feel like this is just an excuse for him to stay around, which I just cant figure out the reason why. Maybe bc depsite everything he has done to me I am the only one who has treated him well. But I know I need to end contact. Only way. just having trouble.
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yes, go NC right away. Never speak to him again. You do not need people like that around you. You deserve much better. Keeping him around will just make you feel worse.
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