What do I do? !

[Johnnyboy24]

I'd just like to start by saying that I've never used anything like this to help me through a problem and I really hope you can help me

 

Ok here goes....

 

I've been with my fiancée for just over 3 years. On Saturday night she went out drinking for a friends birthday and got as she says "the most drunk she's ever been"!

 

She calls me the next morning to start explaining the situation which developed throughout the day in the following stages

 

At first her and her two friend (who are a couple) went back to a guys house for a party

 

Then it wasn't a party it was jut the four of them

 

Then she kissed said guy but I was a peck in the car on the way to his

 

Then it was "maybe one or two" kisses at his house

 

And the final story was that all four of them left went back to his house, her and her friends fell out because she was being an idiot so they left, gf started to make out with him on his bed, realised what was going on, rang her friends and then left.

 

She has been what can only be described as hysterical when I told her I am leaving her. She says that the reason the whole story didn't come out straight away was because she wanted to make it seem better than it would sound if she told me the whole truth straight away. From her reactions I would say that she is genuinely sorry but I can't help but feel as though the whole truth may not be out. I love her not than anything and I want to give her a second chance but it just seems morally wrong to do so.

 

I should probably mention that said guy and her went on a couple of dates before we got together around four years or so ago and that nothing came of it, nothing sexual anyway. And that he has a bit of a reputation for creeping around peoples girlfriends where we live.

 

I'm happy to answer any questions and I'm sorry this is such an essay but I really need some advice

 

Thank you

[gator12]

First off welcome to the site. Lol, cheating is interesting, near all of us have been cheated on. Here is the distinction though, there are two types of cheaters:

• single - this is the girl that cheats one time, realize what she did regrets it and tells you immediately. usually the cheating isn't more serious than kissing etc and most of the times alcohol is involved.
  
• chronic - this is the "once a cheater always a cheater." if this isn't the first time your gf falls into this category. these women/men cannot be trusted and will abuse your kindness.
  

Your ex at the moment sounds like a one time cheater. My ex was, she kissed a guy one time and told me immediately afterwards and genuinely was sorry. I didn't know it until a month later because we broke up but I could hear the sadness and dissapointment in her voice when she apologized for ever doing that to me. If your gf fits into the category she can be forgiven and believed. I believe she may be the first kind, if she does it again then that's when you kick her to the curb lol.

 

Here comes the tricky part, forgiveness. I can tell you right now there is no simple way of dealing with it. It took me a month to completely forgive my ex for just a kiss. Right now your trust is broken, and as long as you have no trust the relationship will suffer for it. It will take effort and work on both of your parts. You need to communicate to her how you feel, let her know how much she hurt you but don't make her feel way too hurt because she may be genuinely sorry. Rubbing salt into the wound is unnecessary and will probably lead to a breakup in the future. If you are willing to work through it, knowing it will be hard then go for it. Make it clear that it cannot happen again or you won't think twice. Ooo and I say give it a day or two so both of you can calm down a little bit on an emotional level.

 

The relationship will be left weak for a while, it's up to both of you communicating in order to save this.

 

all the best,

-Gator

[Johnnyboy24]

Thank you very much for your reply, I do genuinely think she is sorry but it's just hard to look at her in the same way. I will take your advise and stay away for a few days, let her know she's in trouble lol. Then have a chat and hopefully work past it. I hope it pays off

 

Thanks again