singlelife Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the women I know have a fwb. Even if it's not serious they still have stuff going on. Most men understand this when they meet a woman and just go with it. I think Lady's make a mistake trying to front like we ain't done anything in months. Because a guy knows right off the bat that ok she is hiding things. Not that you should advertise it. But maybe just leave the topic alone.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the women I know have a fwb. Even if it's not serious they still have stuff going on. Most men understand this when they meet a woman and just go with it. I think Lady's make a mistake trying to front like we ain't done anything in months. Because a guy knows right off the bat that ok she is hiding things. Not that you should advertise it. But maybe just leave the topic alone. A woman has a right to do what she wants, but guys can see right through BS all day long. Here's one thing I do know: When an attractive woman sleeps alone it's by choice.
depplover_1980 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the women I know have a fwb. Even if it's not serious they still have stuff going on. Most men understand this when they meet a woman and just go with it. I think Lady's make a mistake trying to front like we ain't done anything in months. Because a guy knows right off the bat that ok she is hiding things. Not that you should advertise it. But maybe just leave the topic alone. This is a load of rubbish. I am single, with no sexual partner(though I am working on it) and I love sex. My 3 single friends have no FWB because they only want sex with someone they care about.
carhill Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I look at it this way. If I enjoy the time I spend with her, I do. If not, not. If she's f*cking some other guy and it affects her mood/demeanor/perspective in such a way that spending time with her is no longer enjoyable, then I discontinue. IMO, women who do this have been operating like this since the generation of my mother, or before, but they just didn't talk about it openly. I always assume a woman is married, attached or f*cking someone until it is shown to be different. This is the result of long life experience and being 'misled' on numerous occasions. I don't see that as a negative. It's a reflection of reality. I would expect them to see my circumstances similarly. This is why trust and mutual respect are built over time with substantial interaction.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I assume that everyone has more than one other person at least interested in sex with them at all times. Every man, every woman, regardless of how attractive they seem to me has at least that much going on. I don't know about every woman having a FWB. While women are approached in all kinds of situations...most of those men are not appealing at all. While women rarely approach men, it does happen. The bottom line is assume that anyone you are interested in has other options because they probably do. I say the above from my unusual life experience. Being bisexual, physically somewhat androgynous, and having lived as a transsexual for a time (I dont anymore) I have seen all sides. The dating game is pretty much the same for everyone.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 So what, now I have to assume everyone's a walking STD? I'll go with Mr. Lonelyone on this, that people we have interests in have other options.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 So what, now I have to assume everyone's a walking STD? I'll go with Mr. Lonelyone on this, that people we have interests in have other options. If 1/4 of all people have the virus that causes genital herpes then yes. Pretty much any sexually active person has at least been exposed to an STD.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 If 1/4 of all people have the virus that causes genital herpes then yes. Pretty much any sexually active person has at least been exposed to an STD. I'm not talking about herpes... gonorrhea, HIV/AIDS,etc... I'm saying that you shouldn't jump to conclusion about women being promiscuous unless there were tell-tale signs.
depplover_1980 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Must be different in England then because my post stands.
Lorelai Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) As a single woman, I'll put it like this for myself and be blunt. If I absolutely desperately needed to get laid, I have people I could turn to that would be disease-free and willing, and not likely screw up a long-term friendship. As I've gotten older (I'm 31) the idea of adding anyone new to that list is very unlikely and so the list has shrunk as people who used to be on it have gotten into real relationships. Right now there are only two on it, and both live a distance from me. But if all I was after was sex and that's all I wanted, yeah, I could get it. If that's what you mean by "has a FWB", then the answer is yes for me. If what you're asking is if you should assume that everyone on the dating market is getting laid by an FWB on a regular basis, the answer is no for me, as a respondent in the survey. Also, on the disease-free note... if you aren't in a long-term monogamous relationship, just a bit of a soapbox here since my dad died of AIDS less than two years ago.... condoms and regular testing go hand in hand. If you're getting it more often than every three months, get tested every three months... if not, make sure you get tested three months after the last time you got lucky. As for myself, in dating, I'm not going to screw anyone who doesn't have a recent test result and/or who is unwilling to discuss their sexual history. Edit to add: and I use the three month window because of the fatal virus, but get tested for the other nasties at the same time, too. While HPV doesn't have a blood test, herpes and hep do, and most of the others are curable with antibiotics. Edited February 14, 2011 by Lorelai
Emilia Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Most of the women I know have a fwb. Even if it's not serious they still have stuff going on. Most men understand this when they meet a woman and just go with it. I think Lady's make a mistake trying to front like we ain't done anything in months. Because a guy knows right off the bat that ok she is hiding things. Not that you should advertise it. But maybe just leave the topic alone. I think men assume this because it's what they would do if they were in our position - ie if they had the opposite sex proposing them on a regular basis. My last ex assumed I was seeing someone when I saw him after a 6-8 months gap of having any contact with him. He didn't ask me directly but thinking back to his comments and how he got upset with me I'd say that was on his mind. I agree with the other UK poster who said a lot of women don't want FWBs because we want more than that. I'm looking for a relationship and I don't want a decent guy pass me by just because I'm busy porking someone meaningless
Ay Diesel T Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Couple of things to address. Yes men do assume, especially if the woman is attractive. Sometimes I do it myself. My friend and I will see an attractive woman and be like "Damn who ever is sexing that is a lucky guy!" But this isn't always the case, just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they're sleeping with anybody. It took me awhile to understand this until I was considered generally attractive. Girls would just assume I already had 2-3 women in the wings, and that I was just trying to increase the number. So now I know the frustration that some women have to put up with, as it is harder for me to land a quality women due to insecurities and assumptions - it sucks. Only difference between a woman and I in the scenario is that a woman will still find a quality guy with more ease, just because most men out there will do anything to score a lay/good looking woman. Most men would also be sleeping with several women if they had the option to, due to the fact that sex is a rare thing for them. Desperation of the male gender works in the woman's favor and against it at the same time. Where she's fighting off loads of men, I'm fighting off the generally unattractive women and the women with no shame. Second point I'd like to make is: Depplover, your status would change if you came to visit me. :love:
irc333 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Wow...3 months? I have a female friend that does it once a year, which I thought was reasonable, but she isn't really all that sexually promiscious, maybe fooled around here and there or did oral on a FWB. But hasn't had actual intercourse in a year. As a single woman, I'll put it like this for myself and be blunt. If I absolutely desperately needed to get laid, I have people I could turn to that would be disease-free and willing, and not likely screw up a long-term friendship. As I've gotten older (I'm 31) the idea of adding anyone new to that list is very unlikely and so the list has shrunk as people who used to be on it have gotten into real relationships. Right now there are only two on it, and both live a distance from me. But if all I was after was sex and that's all I wanted, yeah, I could get it. If that's what you mean by "has a FWB", then the answer is yes for me. If what you're asking is if you should assume that everyone on the dating market is getting laid by an FWB on a regular basis, the answer is no for me, as a respondent in the survey. Also, on the disease-free note... if you aren't in a long-term monogamous relationship, just a bit of a soapbox here since my dad died of AIDS less than two years ago.... condoms and regular testing go hand in hand. If you're getting it more often than every three months, get tested every three months... if not, make sure you get tested three months after the last time you got lucky. As for myself, in dating, I'm not going to screw anyone who doesn't have a recent test result and/or who is unwilling to discuss their sexual history. Edit to add: and I use the three month window because of the fatal virus, but get tested for the other nasties at the same time, too. While HPV doesn't have a blood test, herpes and hep do, and most of the others are curable with antibiotics.
lavalamp Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 It would make me pretty sad if EVERY woman had a FWB. I mean, why settle for a gross dude if you're just horny? There are other ways, dang it, other ways!
irc333 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I would think 3 months is too soon, because the incubation period is at least 6 months, right?
Emilia Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Desperation of the male gender works in the woman's favor and against it at the same time. Where she's fighting off loads of men, I'm fighting off the generally unattractive women and the women with no shame. I wish! I usually have to fight off a lot of unattractive/creepy guys too, despite not being particularly ugly myself. Good men are often taken (I'm in my 30s so most are married). sometimes I feel like a loser for not having a more casual approach to sex but as I had lovely boyfriends over the years, it's hard to lower the standards - well, things have to get much more desperate before I do anyway. oh well, just have to keep on looking. I experimented a fair bit when I was younger and now I know quality works better for me than quantity - it would be so much easier the other way round
bolase Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) people shouldn't assume anything. I am an attractive girl with options but I have had only one FWB (I am 25). I am in a relationship now with a guy who won't have sex before marriage due to his Christian beliefs, and I get horny as anything but obviously I'm not having sex....so do not assume and especially not the FWB thing. Edited February 14, 2011 by bolase
zengirl Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Never had a FWB in my life and never plan to. If I'm not in a relationship, I'm not having sex with anyone. Which is not to say I'm judging, but just to say that some people aren't 'fronting' at all.
Lorelai Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) I would think 3 months is too soon, because the incubation period is at least 6 months, right? Three months is considered a reasonable window with the more accurate testing nowadays. A six month confirmation is always better, and a good thing to get. I normally have no problem being able to present a six-month abstinence test. But if I were in a new relationship, I'd accept a three month abstinence result for whether or not I'd be willing to sleep with that person with a condom. Without a condom takes a fully committed long-term relationship and a six month only having been with me confirmation test. The reason the two friends I list are on that list is that they are also just as paranoid as I am and get 3 and 6 month confirmation tests after relationships and after they and I have had sex in the past. But remember, I saw the man who sired me live with an absolutely horrific disease for 17 years, and was with him in the hospice aside from brief trips to grab food for the final two weeks of his life. That leaves an impression on someone. Edited February 15, 2011 by Lorelai
irc333 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 there's thsi one woman I know, that's rather attractive herself, beautiful face, nice curves...she's stated that even though the men she's become good friends with, were physically unattractive, she let them fool around with her (in her HS or college years), apparently she isn't repulsed by physical appearances, but she wouldn't date them as a sig other either.
Author singlelife Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 There is nothing wrong that a woman has a fwb. It's just interesting that they try to deny it. Anyway.
Anela Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Most of the women I know have a fwb. Even if it's not serious they still have stuff going on. Most men understand this when they meet a woman and just go with it. I think Lady's make a mistake trying to front like we ain't done anything in months. Because a guy knows right off the bat that ok she is hiding things. Not that you should advertise it. But maybe just leave the topic alone. No, they shouldn't assume that.
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