angelboots Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I cant help but feel now that there is something wrong with me after this break up, its been five months and i am still hurting, not as badly as I was in the start but there is still a constant ache in my stomach and he still haunts my dreams. I still sometimes find myself going over and over the relationship in my head, what I might have done wrong, what he might have been thinking, why he would have broken up with me to chase after hes ex who cheated on him among other nasty things, ultimately the thought process comes back to "why wasn't i enough when he was loved so completely by me" Other men dont interest me, not that I appear to interest them either.. but i do think I am giving off signals that I am unavailable because emotionally I do feel unavailable. That said I have always had very little male attention other then on a sexual level any way, and when i dont put out, things dont usually go further then that lol in ten years of serious adult relationships i have only had three worth noting. I know I am kind and smart and fun to be around.. and I have a lot of great friends that I love to death and I know love me, but now they are all marrying off and settling down I am wondering if I am destined to be alone for ever. Sorry if i sound a bit melodramatic, I think it might just be because its V day so its got me all sentimental watching these happy loved up couples, i feel so happy for them all but cant help but think what am I lacking that makes it impossible for me to experience that. What do i need to change about me?
Heatemyheart89 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Is that you on your picture?you look very pretty!I understand about you hurting it does get better!I think as long as your no contact you can heal ! There's nothing wrong with you!I'm sure you ate just unlucky in love as am I !I know there is someone out there for you :)Happy valentines day!if it makes you feel better I've never even had a v day card lol!
Leandro Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I know how you feel. It's been like 6 months for me and I still have that pain. I still wonder what I did wrong. I still blame myself even though it wasn't. I still have nightmares. You're not destined to be alone for ever. I don't think you need to change a thing. You just need to heal some more. Happy V-day!
smudge21 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 There's nothing wrong with you at all. You can't force the healing through, it comes on its own. You've just got to accept that this is how you feel and try your best to move on, each day, until eventually you reach that place where you fine with everything. It will happen.
nowwhatnow Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 i really get how you feel. its been 5 months for me and i still miss him so much an replay over and over again parts of our relationship trying to figure out if there was every any indication - and i still find nothing. although I tell people I am getting over it the truth is that i am still so in love with him and am still in this constant state of waiting for him. i am out of town for a couple months to clear my head and i keep thinking that when i get back everything will be fine again even though I KNOW this is only setting myself up for disaster. and like you i am also not interested in other boys. i know in my heart he is the one for me. just do not think you are ever suffering alone in this i wish you luck and am there for you!
shegirl Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 there is still a constant ache in my stomach and he still haunts my dreams. My ex ended our 4 year relationship for the third time a few weeks ago and it's horrible when you love someone so much. I have cut all ties this time as it only prolongs the agony keeping in touch. I, like you am hurting badly and thinking 'what did i do to deserve this heartache when i treated him so well!' I know it takes time but we will heal and regain our confidence and self esthem i can assure you. You are not alone!
cj2 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I cant help but feel now that there is something wrong with me after this break up, its been five months and i am still hurting, not as badly as I was in the start but there is still a constant ache in my stomach and he still haunts my dreams. There is nothing wrong with you for grieving imo, if anything I think it shows that you are someone who develops deep emotional connections with people you love and that is something to be proud of. I still sometimes find myself going over and over the relationship in my head, what I might have done wrong, what he might have been thinking, why he would have broken up with me to chase after hes ex who cheated on him among other nasty things, ultimately the thought process comes back to "why wasn't i enough when he was loved so completely by me" I still sometimes do this over my ex, but there are no answers, because we don't have access to their thoughts and our brains are not wired the same way as theirs. Moving on is all about accepting that you will never fully understand, that this is the way it is and that there is nothing more you can do about it. I suspect though, that is wasn't a case of you "not being enough", but that he wasn't capable as a person of loving you the way you loved him and never will be, if that was the way he behaved. Other men dont interest me, not that I appear to interest them either.. but i do think I am giving off signals that I am unavailable because emotionally I do feel unavailable. That said I have always had very little male attention other then on a sexual level any way, and when i dont put out, things dont usually go further then that lol in ten years of serious adult relationships i have only had three worth noting. You are right that you are probably emotionally unavaiable at the moment, so interest from other parties may seem low. Once you are happier in yourself it will return. Three noteworthy relationships in ten years is a lot more than many people manage also! Sorry if i sound a bit melodramatic, I think it might just be because its V day so its got me all sentimental watching these happy loved up couples, i feel so happy for them all but cant help but think what am I lacking that makes it impossible for me to experience that. What do i need to change about me? As above, work on getting yourself to a better place, get to a point where you are happy in life and work on your self esteem! Love will come one day and in the meantime just enjoy the ride!
Author angelboots Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply.. its nice to know I am not alone in feeling this way, but sad also for all concerned. I find still that some days are worse then others, I have thrown myself into work and my social life, getting back into contact with my friends and spending a lot of time with my daughter. I need to maintain no contact with my ex.. he seems to appear and disappear depending on hes boredom levels it seems, or when he is feeling low because hes ex doesn't want him back every second week, so he turns to me. It drives me crazy that i always, no matter how strong my reserve is at the time, end up counselling him through hes pain... all the time thinking how selfish he is to do that knowing its causing me pain. I had to tell him the other day that him turning to me for emotional acceptance was masking what she isn't giving him and that i cant and wont do that anymore, then he started saying he if he moved back home closer to me he would "want to try again straight up" I think thats funny since hes ex (the one he is chasing) is back in Canada, 23 hours away from where he is now and he is tied in here in Aus for at least the next two years until he finishes hes studies... but when it comes to her distance doesn't seem to be an issue.. If you read my other posts you will see its easy to deduce this guy is bad news, but its annoying that even knowing THAT i am still grieving the loss of the dreams I made with him. He was the first person I truly let into my world and didn't hold back with which also hurts. blah it just leaves a scar, this sort of pain. I hope it completely heals, but I am not so sure it will at this point.
ccfan Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) I cant help but feel now that there is something wrong with me after this break up, its been five months and i am still hurting, not as badly as I was in the start but there is still a constant ache in my stomach and he still haunts my dreams. I still sometimes find myself going over and over the relationship in my head, what I might have done wrong, what he might have been thinking, why he would have broken up with me to chase after hes ex who cheated on him among other nasty things, ultimately the thought process comes back to "why wasn't i enough when he was loved so completely by me" Other men dont interest me, not that I appear to interest them either.. but i do think I am giving off signals that I am unavailable because emotionally I do feel unavailable. That said I have always had very little male attention other then on a sexual level any way, and when i dont put out, things dont usually go further then that lol in ten years of serious adult relationships i have only had three worth noting. I know I am kind and smart and fun to be around.. and I have a lot of great friends that I love to death and I know love me, but now they are all marrying off and settling down I am wondering if I am destined to be alone for ever. Sorry if i sound a bit melodramatic, I think it might just be because its V day so its got me all sentimental watching these happy loved up couples, i feel so happy for them all but cant help but think what am I lacking that makes it impossible for me to experience that. What do i need to change about me? Angel, i read your post and it looks like i written it myself... i´m dealing with the same kind of pain and also i´m close to 5 months since my ex.girl dumped me (sep 28) . You are most definetely not alone.... Like you I spend most of my day re-thinking what did i do wrong (and in my case she was such a bad person, i never play the victim part, but she was really a bad person with me) and also I´m not interested that much in seeing anyone else as of know. Your pattern of behaviour leds me to think that you are intelligent above most people as intelligent people tend to dwell more into what happened and why... over and over again... but at the same time you need to try to figth your brain when it wants to go to the "dark side" ... and for sure i can tell that you are NOT destined to be alone forever, it´s just that it sounds like you put your heart (like i do) more than the average person in the relationship and thats why you have fewer and they mean a lot to you, like in my case. I make a living playing drums for a famous band in latin america, so after my breakup my "clever" idea was that the answer was to sleep around as much as i could with girls after concerts, etc... boy was i waay wrong... you end up missing you ex way more and delay the healing proccess a lot... so please don´t make my mistake, just allow whatever time you need to feel good again and only then try to see other people. You don´t need to rush anything , please keep that in mind I won´t date a girl until my heart is really into it Stay strong friend, you are not alone. Edited February 15, 2011 by ccfan
Author angelboots Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Thanks for your reply ccfan. I think its because i am more left of center then most too lol I live a fairly artsy life style and attract a lot of fairly artistic types and ultimately we are all doomed, as we do think and think and over analyse and try to break everything down. There was just a cyclone warning in hes area and he messaged me to share the news... All I wanted to send back was "well i hope u dont get "completely" dead" but I was good and said nothing.
Author angelboots Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 oh i was kind enough to check the weather warning and its nothing dangerous so I wasn't being enitrely heartless by not replying... he was just looking for an excuse to talk.
skydiveaddict Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 There is nothing wrong with you Angel. It's been 18 months for me and I still hurt
ccfan Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Angel, Your ex is looking for an excuse to be in touch with you... do not allow this, stay totally NC no matter what, is the only way to overcome this... even if you want to write something like what you mentioned before it´s better to not answer anything at all, otherwise this guy will keep messing with your head indefinetley. Like I said, try to recognize the tendency in your brain to over analyze every little detail and fight it by forcing you to do whatever other activity you might want to do... just don´t be thinking all day about your ex as i can ussure you they are not thinking all day about us..
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