ALonerAgain Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I guess this is a variation of G.I.G.S, but I'm putting this out there for any dumpers who care to share... Have you ever left a LTR to date someone in your social circle (close friend/acquaintance - think Ross and Rachel)?Was it everything you hoped it would be? Or did you run into the same problem(s) as with your ex? For me, I've always dated someone 'new', i.e. someone with no prior connections to my friends, colleagues, family, etc. Just curious to know if dating someone you already know gives you a better quality of relationship - or if you found it required just as much/or more work to maintain than with your ex (assuming that you hadn't known your ex before dating)?
Eeyore79 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I dumped my last bf (six month relationship) to date my current bf (who was already my friend for approx. nine months). The relationship is the best I've ever had; he's a different guy from my ex, so obviously we don't have the same problems. For example, my ex was completely unable to express any kind of love or caring, whereas my current bf lavishes me with love and affection. I don't think that dating someone you already know necessarily gives you a better quality of relationship - I think dating a person you're more compatible with gives you a better quality of relationship. It just so happens that if someone's a friend you probably know them pretty well, and so you can judge fairly accurately if you're compatible (more accurately than you can judge someone you've never met before). Being friends with my bf before we dated meant I already knew that he was a decent guy, didn't cheat or sleep around, had a steady job, was interested in finding a serious relationship, was funny and kind and sweet, etc. So I made an extremely informed decision about dating him, and it was the right one
Author ALonerAgain Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Thank you Eeyore. I was thinking that as well about compatability. How long did you know your friend-come-boyfriend before you decided to date? Was it a mutual thing? Or did one of you end up 'pursuing' the other? I guess it also helps if you've known them long enough to observe how they've been with other partners, even if they weren't a good match for their exes.
Eeyore79 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I knew my bf as a friend for about 8 months before we got together. I never had the opportunity to observe how he was with a partner, because he didn't have one during that period. I did however have ample opportunity to find out that he was a decent, trustworthy person with a bright mind, a steady job, and a great sense of humor. When we first met we were both single. After a couple of months of being friends he asked me out, but I declined for two reasons: a)Two weeks previously I had started casually dating another guy, and I felt I should give him a fair chance, and b) I didn't feel a huge physical attraction to my (future) bf. Time passed; the other guy turned out to be bad tempered, selfish, and non-committal, and I grew to like my bf's personality and found him more attractive because of that. It was obvious that my bf had all of the positive qualities that I wanted in a partner and which were lacking in this other guy, and I came to increasingly love and respect him, so in the end I just told the other guy to get lost and I pursued my bf until we got together
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