Author EricaH329 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 The way you dress can send a big message. If you are wearing an old lady shirt that is tightly buttoned under your chin, that sends an uptight "stay away from me" kind of message. On the flip side, if your neckline goes does to your navel, that sends another kind of message. There is alot of room between hooker and nun. I don't know where you are in that range, but maybe you can find a happy medium that makes you approachable without looking like a hooker. You're absolutely right. I really should try to experiment with different types of styles. It really shouldn't come down to the way I dress, I feel like i'm doing something wrong by putting so much emphasis on that aspect. But it couldn't hurt, right?
elaina Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I was not unable to say no. I was more than happy to buy this guy drinks. It was his birthday, and no one else was making him feel appreciated. I had zero problem with buying him his drinks. However, the problem that I had, was with his friends that didn't bother paying for *anything* they drank! I had no idea they weren't planning on paying for anything, until I received the bill and everything was on it (and they were MIA). How are you unable to say no? You were taken advantage of. It's nice to trust people, but people need to be worthy of that trust, or else you get doormat-ed. I had to learn who to trust and how to stand up for myself too, because sad to say, not everybody is going to treat others right. About dressing, there are ways to look sexy even without showing a lot of cleavage or bootie. And yeah I don't understand how this has anything to do with either dating or asexualness.
elaina Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 The way you dress can send a big message. If you are wearing an old lady shirt that is tightly buttoned under your chin, that sends an uptight "stay away from me" kind of message. On the flip side, if your neckline goes does to your navel, that sends another kind of message. There is alot of room between hooker and nun. I don't know where you are in that range, but maybe you can find a happy medium that makes you approachable without looking like a hooker. So true! It also changes how you carry yourself. When women are wearing clothes that are really baggy and not flattering, they often do not give off a vibe that many men want in a woman. However, when they're wearing clothes that fit well and are tailored to highlight a woman's natural beauty, it helps the woman carry herself in an alluring way, even if she's not letting everything hang out.
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 That's very true. I usually wear something that's comfortable, doesn't show anything off, but flattering at the same time. Skinny jeans with heels, for example. Or with boots. Perhaps I could see what else I might find comfortable that I haven't tried yet, thanks for the advice Jan! I don't think there's anything wrong with skinny jeans with heels or with boots. Though having said that, have you considered one of those Bebe dresses we were looking at? As an aside, from what I know of you, I don't think it's a social/interpersonal issue. I don't even think it's really about how you dress. Is your roommate one of those loud bubbly types?
Author EricaH329 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Well there's one of the problems! (unless you're also using online dating sites) I hate approaching girls, too. I don't know of anything better than doing it more to get over the feeling dumb thing. (Or you can avoid it by going the online route. You'll have a full mailbox within minutes.) I'd let you approach me, but you're on the wrong continent. Not sure why this isn't working for you. Thank you. I don't know why it's not working for me either. The majority of the time, I just don't get approached. Everyone else around me does. Then again, i'd say about half of the times I do actually go out i'm not looking to be approached. Maybe I just need to put myself out there more? Go out more often? How are you unable to say no? You were taken advantage of. It's nice to trust people, but people need to be worthy of that trust, or else you get doormat-ed. I had to learn who to trust and how to stand up for myself too, because sad to say, not everybody is going to treat others right. About dressing, there are ways to look sexy even without showing a lot of cleavage or bootie. What's worse is that those guys called my roommate this morning asking to hang out with us. She's pretty upset about everything too. And yeah I don't understand how this has anything to do with either dating or asexualness. It has to do with dating, because i'm ready to date, but unfortunately situations like these occur more often than not (or I just don't get approached). Being asexual was a joke in reference to the fact that i'm seemingly unable to find a date (meaning I should just become asexual because it's pointless). Glad that's out of the way now. I don't think there's anything wrong with skinny jeans with heels or with boots. Though having said that, have you considered one of those Bebe dresses we were looking at? As an aside, from what I know of you, I don't think it's a social/interpersonal issue. I don't even think it's really about how you dress. Is your roommate one of those loud bubbly types? Oh yes, the Bebe dress! I'm actually going down to that store sometime this week. I don't usually wear dresses, except on special occasions, but it'd be nice to dress up! My roommate isn't loud or bubbly. She's very nice, fun, and approachable (in my opinion). She does dress a bit less conservatively than I do, but it's more to enhance her assets as opposed to throwing it all out there.
elaina Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 What's worse is that those guys called my roommate this morning asking to hang out with us. She's pretty upset about everything too. Yeah I'm upset with them too!!! If I knew them, I'd want to call and give them a little piece of my mind!!! (but I don't know them, and am too chicken to do that anyways) It has to do with dating, because i'm ready to date, but unfortunately situations like these occur more often than not (or I just don't get approached). I understand now. I hope a wonderful man finds you soon!!! Being asexual was a joke in reference to the fact that i'm seemingly unable to find a date (meaning I should just become asexual because it's pointless). Ahh I get it now! Sorry it's interesting huh how when strangers write each other, sometimes things don't get understood. Thanks for explaining and sorry for not catching it. Oh yes, the Bebe dress! I'm actually going down to that store sometime this week. I don't usually wear dresses, except on special occasions, but it'd be nice to dress up! I'm gonna look up the Bebe dress! Sounds cool
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Oh yes, the Bebe dress! I'm actually going down to that store sometime this week. I don't usually wear dresses, except on special occasions, but it'd be nice to dress up! My roommate isn't loud or bubbly. She's very nice, fun, and approachable (in my opinion). She does dress a bit less conservatively than I do, but it's more to enhance her assets as opposed to throwing it all out there. Ah well, horses for courses, I guess. Let me know how you get on with finding a dress.
USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hmmm, seems like I missed quite the evening.
Author EricaH329 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah I'm upset with them too!!! If I knew them, I'd want to call and give them a little piece of my mind!!! (but I don't know them, and am too chicken to do that anyways) I understand now. I hope a wonderful man finds you soon!!! Ahh I get it now! Sorry it's interesting huh how when strangers write each other, sometimes things don't get understood. Thanks for explaining and sorry for not catching it. I'm gonna look up the Bebe dress! Sounds cool I'd call them too, but i'm just so disgusted with that whole situation that i'm not even going to bother. Instead, i'm going to sit at home with my roommate, watch scary movies, and eat close to $50 worth of chinese food :laugh: Ah well, horses for courses, I guess. Let me know how you get on with finding a dress. I will definitely keep you updated!! I'll even send you a picture after i've decided which one to get Hmmm, seems like I missed quite the evening. Oh yes, you missed a crazy night!
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I will definitely keep you updated!! I'll even send you a picture after i've decided which one to get I can live vicariously through you. There seems to be a shortage of decent dresses on this side of the pond. Still waiting for better stock to come in for the new season.
Jannah Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I don't think she dresses like a hooker, when I originally implied that a female was dressing like a hooker I wasn't referring to my roommate. But... you are right, my roommate (who dresses less conservatively) did say that perhaps I wasn't being approached because of the way I dress. Oh wow!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you Jannah!! I can't imagine what I would have done if those guys were still hanging around! Apparently, after my roommate and I got home, they called her phone repeatedly for about 30 minutes until she finally answered. They were desperately trying to come over, which was *definitely* a no-go. The audacity. Making a female pay for your 100 dollar tab, then asking to come over afterwords?! You weren't that great at pool not to mention, they didn't know how to treat their friend whose birthday it was. Losers!! It's good that you did not let them come over though, even despite the whole money situation. Sorry you had to go through that nonsense.
eric82 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I want to start dating. I don't care about feeling more desirable. If I did, i'd be dressing less conservatively . I'd like to be approached, so that I can have conversations with these guys, which could possibly lead to going out on a date. Yeah but when you say "these guys," it infers that you have particular guys (i.e. guys you find attractive) that you want to meet. I doubt you want unattractive ones (not just in terms of appearance, but also personalities, lack of intelligence, etc.) crowding you. Lets be real. Where to go to find "these guys" depends on what type of guys you are into and where they would likely be. That's very true. I usually wear something that's comfortable, doesn't show anything off, but flattering at the same time. Skinny jeans with heels, for example. Or with boots. Perhaps I could see what else I might find comfortable that I haven't tried yet, thanks for the advice Jan! Sounds fine to me, but like I said, this has nothing to do with what you're wearing. Bars aren't good places to look for dates. They're mainly for socializing with friends and maybe hooking up with the opposite sex (one night stands). Bar hopping to find a boyfriend is like going to a Monster Truck rally to join an environmental group. Even in the off chance that an environmentalist is there, odds are he's drunk and not passing out pamphlets.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 I almost forgot what it was like to date again! I can't even consider what i've been doing, dating. I've met a few guys out, most who have wanted to hook up with my big-breasted roommate; or who have... well... wanted to hook up with my roommate. I've asked a few people what I have been doing 'wrong'. Apparently, i've been dressing too conservative. I'm not enough of a hooker to be approached!!!!! A group of guys approached myself and my roommate tonight. One of the guys was turning 22 that night. I bought him his shots and his drinks since his friends were apparently unable to. Needless to say, by the end of the night, I had paid for not only my drinks, but the birthday boys drinks, my roommates drinks, and the other 2 guys drinks! I had spent well over 100 dollars! :eek::eek: Either i'm completely clueless as to how to date, or i'm clearly being taken advantage of! Either way... WHAT THE HELL!!! Awwwwwwwwwww, heck... I can't imagine the likes of Erica not being pleasantly flattered by a "big-breasted roommate". Her complexion alone makes for a delightful contrast to most female friends and, ultimately, it's going to be uniqueness, comfort and familiarity that bring forth the long-term possibilities. One who not long ago moved to a brand new locale is sure to need some time to develop environs in which she is and seems quite familiar. It is most likely from such scenarios that the relationships with the greatest potential will form. (runs off into the night again...)
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