kis Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I have never said I love you to MM. But he has said it to me more than once. It leaves me confused. We are both married and have never even hinted at leaving our spouses. In fact I dont think either one of us even wants that at all. So when he said those three words I just took it to mean he loves me like a person would love most anyone that they are friends with for several years( about 4 for us, almost 5). There are just so many kinds of love. So i didnt say it back because I would never want the confusion as to just what that meant. What is your opinion on this subject?
East7 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I have never said I love you to MM. But he has said it to me more than once. It leaves me confused. We are both married and have never even hinted at leaving our spouses. In fact I dont think either one of us even wants that at all. So when he said those three words I just took it to mean he loves me like a person would love most anyone that they are friends with for several years( about 4 for us, almost 5). There are just so many kinds of love. So i didnt say it back because I would never want the confusion as to just what that meant. What is your opinion on this subject? Then say "I lust you" But seriously, if you are OK with keeping an long term A and both of you are cake-eating, why do you care what ILY means ? Does it makes any difference ? It means "I love you but I don't want to be with you", I love the combo.
findingnemo Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Do you think he is falling in love with you? Do you love him? 5 years is a long time for an A. Since you say neither of you intend to leave your spouses, it seems that you are in a non-demanding relationship. I suspect that he finds you easy to get along with since you don't push him and now is getting dependent on having you around. Thus, ILY pops up in his head as an explanation for why he craves you so much. That is the beginning of problems and will lead to one or more D-days for you both. It could be a sign that the time may have come for you to make a decision as to what you will do about your M and your A. If you don't make it soon, time will do it for you. What are the odds that the outcome will allow you both to continue as you have?
Emme Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Saying I Love You is the kiss of death. Don't say the words unless you mean them. Don't say them unless you plan to get your heart stomped on when things go bad. Just a heads up. My best friend and I did that as though it was words then you start to fall hard without seeing it. I love you is when your realtionship reaches another stage other than just sex. Don't say it if you don't mean it. If you find yourself saying it and feeling it then ask yourself if you can take the heartbreak if it ends.
Author kis Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Saying I Love You is the kiss of death. Don't say the words unless you mean them. Don't say them unless you plan to get your heart stomped on when things go bad. Just a heads up. My best friend and I did that as though it was words then you start to fall hard without seeing it. I love you is when your realtionship reaches another stage other than just sex. Don't say it if you don't mean it. If you find yourself saying it and feeling it then ask yourself if you can take the heartbreak if it ends. I do love him. Just not in the I want us to leave our spouses and marry kind of way. It is confusing even to me. Can anyone relate?
Emme Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 There are many different levels of love. If you even care and that to you translates into you loving him, then you say it. What ever the connection is it's a form of love.
Flabbergaster Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Saying I Love You is the kiss of death. Don't say the words unless you mean them. Don't say them unless you plan to get your heart stomped on when things go bad. AMEN to that. Might say it first meaning "like a sibling." By the tenth time, it will mean something more. and more. I do love him. Just not in the I want us to leave our spouses and marry kind of way. It is confusing even to me. Can anyone relate? Can he relate? If you say those words, he'll hear what he is telling you. You're both adults, playing with fire. Perhap sit down and have a conversation with him. Start by telling him your concerns, how you feel about him (w/o using the L word), and then ask if that's what he means by L. Just because you are still 'cool and calm' and seeing this as 'fun on the side' doesn't mean he is holding together. He might be getting more emotional than you are. If that happens, he might drag you with him.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 "Saying" I love you is one thing. "Showing" I love you is another. Does he show you that his feelings for you have changed or intensified? Or did he just say this in the heat of some action? No one here can tell you what's in his head. You'll have to judge that. The question is not in the "saying", it's in the "showing". If he isn't showing you what you think "I love you" really means, then just let it roll off your back. If he shows you he's crazy in love with you then you have a problem.
carhill Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 So, OP, does he tell his male friends he loves them? Perhaps, if not, he doesn't mind not hearing the words back, or at all, if he gets what he wants out of the deal. In that case, he'd be telling you what he thinks you want to hear (based on his experiences as a MM and elsewhere) to get what he wants, whatever that is. I've heard those words from a few MW's over the decades and, generally IME, they mean about the same thing as saying that to a dog or cat. The actions of love from true friends has been far superior. YMMV
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