donovant91 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 My ex gf broke up with me for another guy in our LDR relationship. We've been broken up since December and were together for 5 years. Shes been very immature about things after our breakup, saying our relationship was pathetic compared to her new one and that I was a horrible bf blablabla, but she still wanted to talk to me.I finally just sent her an email explaining she will never hear from me again and just how she made me feel about everything. I never purposefully did anything to hurt her during and after our relationship, and I was very polite and just got everything off my chest and I feel much better in general. I wished her a happy life and hoped she found the right person for her one day and even a happy valentines day. I tried NC but she kept finding all these ways to contact me and I found because of that I kept almost expecting a message of some sort from her which was preventing me from moving on. I told her in the email to not reply and if she does it goes in the delete folder. I made a new email and was switching everything over to that one, and while I was doing that she sent me an email titled "can you give back my necklace" I opened the email because i didnt know what she was talking about at first, and she wrote 2 or 3 sentences saying she wanted it back and that it was important to her, and then she had 2 or 3 paragraphs that I didn't bother reading, because at the beginning of them she said " I might as well tell you what im up to". She didnt care that she was never going to hear from me again, I read near the end and she didn't wish me well or anything. She was more concerned about this necklace. When we were together she gave me a necklace of hers that her dad gave her and was apparently important to her from her childhood. Whenever we were together I always brought it with me and would see if she wanted to have it back, but she kept wanting me to hold onto it and it didn't seem that big of a deal to her. I haven't been happy for how shes treated me at all after the breakup, shes been rude and disrespectful and immature and trying to use me as a doormat. If this necklace was so important to her wouldn't she have wanted it back as soon as we broke up and not 3 months later? I'm leaning towards not mailing it back, if she wants it so bad she can come to where I am and get it as far as I'm concerned. What do you guys think about this?
Duckduckgoose Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Does it have a lot of monetary worth? If so, sell it. Use the money to buy yourself something nice. You deserve it. If its worthless, you can always throw it in a river or something... if it helps you get closure.
iron_m Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Do you really want NC? give it back to her (through a common friend so you don't have to see her again). Holding on to that will only give her a reason to keep contacting you. You may as well want to take the opportunity to put in a box everything you have in your possession that once belonged to her and send it her way. And while you are at it, take the opportunity to stash away everything that reminds you of past times (and that is not correct or polite to give back). There is a good way of moving on, and that is not looking back. Let go of everything, anger included. Edited February 14, 2011 by iron_m spelling
Am4Real Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 My ex gf broke up with me for another guy in our LDR relationship. We've been broken up since December and were together for 5 years. Shes been very immature about things after our breakup, saying our relationship was pathetic compared to her new one and that I was a horrible bf blablabla, but she still wanted to talk to me. It sounds like you’re being the immature one on this issue, my friend. In a nutshell: [highlight]She’s not into you anymore – it seems pretty obvious – and she feels she doesn’t owe you anything. [/highlight] Those are her feelings and while they may not be yours, it’s just the way it is. It’s likely from what you are describing she is harboring some resentment towards you and perhaps there is more to your story than the preceding paragraphs, although it will make little difference in the way things are between you two. It’s just my hunch! You’ve already decided to go NO CONTACT, change your email, and presumably all your other contact information so why not finish the “job”. Since this last request of hers made it through to you why not “man up” and send her the dam* necklace and be done with it all? You’ll feel better a few days after you send it and hopefully it will clear your head and get you to the places where your future and new persons await. Sorry for the harsh beginning to this post but it sounds like you need a good kick in the a$$ to get you going on this one. All the best, Am4Real
Author donovant91 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Thanks Am4Real for judging the relationship by pure assumption and being insensitive. It is pretty obvious shes not into me anymore, but she is holding resentment towards me because it is apparently my fault she chose to cheat on me and my fault shes staying with the new boyfriend. I don't want to be with her anymore, but you think if this necklace was really that important to her she would've asked me to get it back to her sooner. It wasn't like I was hounding her and begging for forgiveness for her to take me back, I accepted it and everytime I started to move on she always tried to keep her hooks in me so I couldn't,which just caused me to like her less and less . Even in the email she only mentioned a few sentences about the necklace and the other 3/4 of it is about how great her life is now that i'm out of the picture, and rather then be polite and wish me the best in return she just demands the necklace back. I can easily "man up" and show her that she shouldn't have been so disrespectful and said all those unnecessary things after we were already broken up by not giving it back.
Am4Real Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Read you last sentence out loud - it doesn't sound mature to me. Face it your mad at her for her being happy and this necklace is your excuse to lash out. Again, read your last sentence. What is the point of trying to teach her a lesson on manners? She doesn't care about you and your wasting your time thinking about how to get back at her for your pain -- that's understandable but you need to get these feelings under control. Cone'on now, don't take it out on me or this forum. You asked for advice in your original post, asking us what we think, and I'm giving you my unobstructed and uninvolved opinion on what appears most obvious of her and you. Move on for your own good and as another poster stated, if you're too mad to mail it yourself give it to a mutual friend to mail or let her know what local Starbuck's you left it at with the counter coffee expert! Edited February 14, 2011 by Am4Real
Author donovant91 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Sorry, I am just frustrated because it always seems she finds one more thing to keep in contact with me with and I just want her out of the picture. If it was really about the necklace would she really spend the majority of the email telling me how she was doing and what she was up to? I didn't even ask about her and I told her not to respond. This isn't the first time i've tried but shes always have had these super important reasons to talk to me or stay in touch with me whenever I try to get her out of my life. I just have a feeling its not going to stop at the necklace, and she'll find another reason that she has to talk to me about. She has already admitted that she still wants to talk to me. I can't give it to a friend or anything because she lives too far away so I have no choice but to mail it if I choose to. Why should I go out of my way to do something for someone who has shown no respect for me at all. She is once again trying to throw a wrench in my closure.
Am4Real Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Sorry, I am just frustrated because it always seems she finds one more thing to keep in contact with me with and I just want her out of the picture. If it was really about the necklace would she really spend the majority of the email telling me how she was doing and what she was up to? I didn't even ask about her and I told her not to respond. This isn't the first time i've tried but shes always have had these super important reasons to talk to me or stay in touch with me whenever I try to get her out of my life. I just have a feeling its not going to stop at the necklace, and she'll find another reason that she has to talk to me about. She has already admitted that she still wants to talk to me. I can't give it to a friend or anything because she lives too far away so I have no choice but to mail it if I choose to. Why should I go out of my way to do something for someone who has shown no respect for me at all. She is once again trying to throw a wrench in my closure. Donovan, It doesn’t take a full load of intelligence on my part or anyone else’s to tell you if you don’t give her the physical object she requested returned to her, she is likely to keep contacting you. Since it is “this contact” you no longer want, would it not make sense to find a way to return it to her and be done with the past from your perspective? I’m sure she is fully aware of your frustration with her contacting you and her persistence with the continued “school games” plays right into what she knows bothers you – it’s a game don’t you see that -- so why let it eat away at you? Take a step back for a second, examine the big picture and worry no more about her motivations but start to concentrate on yours and your future! Block everything else out; let me explain… Ask yourself what you really want? If you want to be practically impossible for her to ever reach you again, there are many techniques for accomplishing that separation and many are described in these forums under NO CONTACT practices and methods. Donovan, I fully understand your pain and I also understand you come from a proper background and have high expectations of others when it comes to respectful behavior. Know this now; this EX of yours does not fit into that category. Know as well she is not likely happy in her new situation as she is pretending to be and rubs her present-day superiority “in your face” to help her deal with the guilt of the pain she caused herself by blaming you for the way she feels, was treated in the relationship or whatever caused her angst when she was with you. Her behaviors are so Psych 101 its pathetic and as you stated, immature. If you really want to move on, close the loop holes that exist wherever there is a possibility of her making contact with you and if it makes you feel good once you are positive you are unreachable, don’t mail the bracelet back to her for four or five weeks. When she finally receives it she will know what a low priority she is in your life, especially when it arrives with no note and she has probably spent these past weeks trying to contact you. However be prepared…such advice is not what I would do but seems to fit into what you want to do. If it were me I would close all the communication loopholes and send the dam* thing back to her! After that, it would be the last thing I ever did with regard to her and I would be concentrating on my healing and my future. Good luck! Edited February 14, 2011 by Am4Real
Author donovant91 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Am4Real I appreciate the advice so thank you. I thought I closed all the loopholes and blocked her on everything possible, but she'd find ways to creep back into my life through phoning me with mutual friends numbers and dragging them into it. I know most of them arent very impressed with her right now, and the others I will just keep my distance from for the time being. I know she is just doing this out of her own unhappiness but sometimes it can be hard to identify it when you are in the middle of it and have a bias opinion, so thank you for the reassurance. I sent that email to her because I didn't want to play games anymore and obviously she doesn't agree with that. What I really want is for her to just respect my wishes, really move on from me and our relationship, and maybe even a sincere apology. I started snickering though because I know there is no way in hell that's going to happen anytime soon, and I can't rely on her thoughts or actions for my happiness. Next time I'm close to the post office I will send it. I have no reason to hold onto it, if anything she will have even less of a reason to hold resentment towards me because I sent it back. Thanks again
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