NeNinja Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I cannot stay away from this girl... Last night my brother and I went downtown to eat and have a few drinks with a couple of friends. We saw my ex-girlfriend and a few of her friends. We have seen each other a few times she broke up with me two months ago, but we have only has one serious (and dramatic) conversation about 'us' where she told me everything I had done wrong in our relationship. I smiled. She waved. About an hour later she and her friends got up to leave and she surprised me by stopping by our table to say Hi and to tell us they were heading to a bar across the street. My friends and I finished at the resturant and went to another up the street. About an hour later we ended up in the bar my ex had mentioned. She was at the bar when we walked in, my friends and I found a table, and I got 'in line' a few people behind her to grab myself a drink. When she turned around to head back to their table, she passed me in line, and handed me a drink (we dated for two and a half years, she knows what I drink ). "Are you trying to get me drunk?" "Do I need to?" "I don't know. It depends on what you're trying to do." "I just want to talk." This didn't seem like the time or place to talk. I didn't feel like being put on a major guilt trip. I didn't want to lose my cool or have her break down again. I didn't want to feel pressured to apologize for what I had done. I really didn't want to hear about EVERYTHING I had done wrong in the relationship in front of my friends, her friends, and a bunch of strangers. I was half drunk and honestly, I had been practicing my 'crumb buster' since the day I started No Contact. "When I see you on my lawn with a boombox over your head, then we can talk." Did I overreact? Was that too cold? Should I have even been in that bar having that drink in the first place? Did I just sink my own battleship? OhPenelope? Gator? Anyone?
0hpenelope Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) I look forward to your posts, my man! This girl... Yeesh, you just cannot get away from her. This didn't seem like the time or place to talk. Uh, yes! It's a bar, you're out having fun with your brother and friends, and what kind of talk exactly did she want to initiate with you? I didn't feel like being put on a major guilt trip. I didn't want to lose my cool or have her break down again. Yes to not revealing how you're feeling and how you're missing her. I didn't want to feel pressured to apologize for what I had done. I really didn't want to hear about EVERYTHING I had done wrong in the relationship in front of my friends, her friends, and a bunch of strangers. I was half drunk and honestly, I had been practicing my 'crumb buster' since the day I started No Contact. Honestly NeNinja, you just keep in mind that she's the one who broke up with you. As such, you treat that sort of arrangement as final and forever until she blatantly lets you know that she wants to try again. I think you've been doing a good job with that, but I'm wondering she broke up with you, she's the one who wanted to be done with you, so why is she staying in contact only to lay on the guilt trip and the other bad relationship stuff that she's supposed to be cut off from by now? Isn't that the reason why she broke up with you? "When I see you on my lawn with a boombox over your head, then we can talk." Did I overreact? Was that too cold? Should I have even been in that bar having that drink in the first place? Did I just sink my own battleship? I understand and assume that you're in the good ol' U.S. of A. so you're free to come and go to any bar as you please as long as you don't have a standing legal issue that requires you to stay away from said bar. She doesn't own the place anyway, so you have the right to be there as a paying customer. My question to you is similar to the question you asked yourself: should you have been in that bar at all? Did you do that to follow her? Where are you in your healing in spite of wanting her back? Should you be doing this? Could you have handled seeing her flirting with another guy at the bar? What were you thinking here? The only battleship I'd be concerned with getting sunk is your battleship of healing. Heal for yourself and things will fall into place: her coming back to you, a new girl catching your interest, an opportunity in your professional or academic life... There's so many possibilities, but really, focus on what's good for you. As for the U.S.S. Getting My Girl Back battleship, I think these coincidences are favorable. Even though you gave her that boombox line (nice reference to John Cusack! ), you haven't forgotten that she cried in the car, she's been really upset with you, you introduced her to Julie, she's even told you off and said all of those horrible things... And yet she chose to come up to you at the restaurant anyway. She hasn't said what you want her to say, but she hasn't left you alone either. Stay unaffected by her presence as best as you can. Geez, this is like a sad/comical Valentine's Day movie script. Good luck to you and uh, I don't need to say this, but I'll say it anyway: keep not initiating contact with her. What happened after you told her the boombox thing? You cannot leave us hanging like that! Edited February 14, 2011 by 0hpenelope
lovesparis Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 "When I see you on my lawn with a boombox over your head, then we can talk." BEST. RESPONSE. EVER. applause, applause, applause. you are unofficially my new hero.
0hpenelope Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 BEST. RESPONSE. EVER. I know, right?! :lmao::lmao:
Author NeNinja Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 What happened after you told her the boombox thing? You cannot leave us hanging like that! :lmao: I turned around and walked back to my friends. She went back to her table and sat with her back to my group. Fifteen or twenty minutes later she left with one of her friends, leaving the rest of them behind to glare at me. To answer some of your questions: The group I was out with suggested we go to the bar where she would be. I'm sure at least one of them suggested it with her and I in mind. I wasn't going to make a big deal about going OR not going. I think my healing is gong pretty well. I haven't completely given up on a second chance, but I'm not desperate for it. I actually don't know if I would take it if it was offered. I'm enjoying my life. I met a girl a week or so ago who has me reconsidering my current 'no relationships' rule.
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hahaha same place I am man. You did great with that, maybe a little harsh but hilarious. At least she knows exactly what you want, and won't try contacting unless she wants you back. *applaud* Hahaha you deserve it for that man, talking to her could have only went negatively. -Gator
Author NeNinja Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I'm cooking myself a romantic dinner. I just got a text from one of her friends: "Remember that today is Valentines day and you've already broken her heart once."
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 That could mean she didn't want to break up with you but got cornered into it. Idk, it could mean that she wants you to text your ex but I see no point in it. I think you can reply to her friend if you want, but def not to your ex at this point. Maybe your ex misses you, but if she does she should be attempting to reach out in some way shape or form. This may be it but I would say it's not good enough to break NC. Idk if you're curious you could ask her friend what she means but it could have a negative impact. Your call on this one. -Gator
cboy90 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I think gator is right. I personally wouldn't reply. If shes trying to reach out to you, SHE should be doing it herself. NOT her friend. This isn't kindergarten anymore. You don't get your best friend to ask out some girl for you anymore.
Author NeNinja Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 This particular friend hated me the last time I checked. I'm taking it as a 'leave her alone' which I was planning on doing anyway.
Author NeNinja Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Um. Wow. I will eventually tell my Valentines Day/Night story. I want sometime to think about what happened and what I want to do. I hope it doesn't disappoint...
0hpenelope Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Um. Wow. I will eventually tell my Valentines Day/Night story. I want sometime to think about what happened and what I want to do. I hope it doesn't disappoint... I knew something was going to happen with you, I just knew it.
Author NeNinja Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 I knew something was going to happen with you, I just knew it. You might have known but I had no clue. Did not see it coming at all.
samspade Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I cannot stay away from this girl... Quit following your ex around. Seriously - move on.
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