daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 So I sign up for online to meet guys my age. When I go out, the young ones ask me out. I go online, find a lot of guys my age. Yet STILL, these boys are asking me out. I thought it was funny at first. But now that it's been months and I still haven't found someone to be in a relationship with, I'm kind of taking a second look. There are 3 right now that are stinkin adorable. All 3 blonde and one very, very sweet and Southern. Just the way I like 'em (sweet and Southern that is.) Except maybe 10 years older. lol I guess part of it is that sometimes the young ones don't bother playing games and can be uber sweet. While some of the guys my age are playing rotation with 50 women and won't stop playing. Sigh. I know this is so self defeating. But the flirtation is fun.
Ross PK Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I don't mean to sound harsh, but consider yourself lucky that you can at least attract and have fun with the opposite sex online and offline. Things could be much worse. You could be Incel.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I don't mean to sound harsh, but consider yourself lucky that you can at least attract and have fun with the opposite sex online and offline. Things could be much worse. You could be Incel. True, there are worse things. I had to look up incel. Sadly, I kinda am. I abstain until I'm in a relationship. Which really, really sucks.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 My sister is in her 50s and is married to a cute, smart, fun, gainfully employed man in his late 30s. He adores her and seems to rock her world. A good friend of mine who just turned 40 was dating a 27-year-old for a while. She broke up with him for reasons unrelated to age, but he was very into her and seemed ready for real commitment. A few years back, an acquaintance of mine who was 42 at the time met a 25-year-old guy and they fell in love. They got married, had two kids, and seem great together. I think the age barriers are melting in new and exciting ways. Why not try some dates with younger guys? If nothing else, it'll be a lot of fun.
Nexus One Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 In order to attract young men (for sex) it can help if you look like a MILF or cougar. Just saying it like it is.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 My sister is in her 50s and is married to a cute, smart, fun, gainfully employed man in his late 30s. He adores her and seems to rock her world. A good friend of mine who just turned 40 was dating a 27-year-old for a while. She broke up with him for reasons unrelated to age, but he was very into her and seemed ready for real commitment. A few years back, an acquaintance of mine who was 42 at the time met a 25-year-old guy and they fell in love. They got married, had two kids, and seem great together. I think the age barriers are melting in new and exciting ways. Why not try some dates with younger guys? If nothing else, it'll be a lot of fun. Wow. I didn't think it was happening that often to have such big age gaps where women were older. I'm ok with dating and flirting a bit. But to be honest, I want someone my age for compatibility reasons. We tend to have had similar experiences and like a lot of the same things. I don't roll my eyes when they mention things that I find really juvenile. Ok, so yes I do but not as frequently as with 20 somethings. Plus, there tends to be more substance to older guys. We're at the same points in our lives. Plus, most importantly, guys my age think I'm the best thing since sliced bread and I don't have to worry too much about if/how I'm going to age. But I'm still going to flirt.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 In order to attract young men (for sex) it can help if you look like a MILF or cougar. Just saying it like it is. I can assure you I look like neither. When I go out, the 20 somethings that are hitting on me don't realize I'm that I'm not in my 20's anymore. And in addition, I never set out to attract younger guys...
Nexus One Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I can assure you I look like neither. When I go out, the 20 somethings that are hitting on me don't realize I'm that I'm not in my 20's anymore. And in addition, I never set out to attract younger guys... I don't know how old you are, but for women in their 30's it's possible to just look "ripe" for younger guys in their 20's. Like in ripe fruit.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I don't know how old you are, but for women in their 30's it's possible to just look "ripe" for younger guys in their 20's. lol. I like your choice of words. I don't think that's necessarily it, either. Some make the cartoon eyes when they realize I'm not their age. I'm serious. Many ask me for my id to prove it. One guy I dated that was only 4 years younger told me that people think he's my daddy cos I look like a kid. Of course I thought that was silly, but he did look older than me.
refurb Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Good friend of mine (29) has been dating a girl (40) for about 3 years now. It's a great match. He's super serious/mature for his age, she's quite young at heart. Works for them... I think one really self-defeating thing single people do (I know I do it), is disqualify people for reasons that aren't always a bad thing. Go out with them. What's the worst that could happen? RF
january2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'm having a similar dilemma in that I seem to be attracting guys, both off and online, outside the age range that I prefer - either much younger (over a decade) or a few years older.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Good friend of mine (29) has been dating a girl (40) for about 3 years now. It's a great match. He's super serious/mature for his age, she's quite young at heart. Works for them... I think one really self-defeating thing single people do (I know I do it), is disqualify people for reasons that aren't always a bad thing. Go out with them. What's the worst that could happen? RF Well, it might not be the worst thing that could happen but it's not ideal: You are uptight about your friends knowing about him, because he's 22. You don't let him post fb photos of you together, because you don't want anyone to know. He can't afford much because he's still in school. You can afford almost anything you really want. You have the best time together because you're both goofy and immature and wildly attracted to the other and he treats you like a princess. He dumps you because you don't know what you want with him, and he wants a gf. I guess I'm embarrassed by dating someone more than 5 years younger.
Author daphne Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I'm having a similar dilemma in that I seem to be attracting guys, both off and online, outside the age range that I prefer - either much younger (over a decade) or a few years older. Lemme guess. You're somewhere in your early to mid 30's? I can relate. The old guys are generally my dad's age and I've found that amusing. It's either old or young. Few in the middle.
carhill Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 If that's how you feel, go with it. Accept that it's your style and spend no more time on analyzing it. Plenty of men your own age out there in the world. IIUC, your boundaries of movement are minimal and you can meet an appropriate partner anywhere in the world. Smile at the pretty young ones, appreciate their attention, but stay focused on your style and the potentials it brings. My first substantial post-divorce realization that I still 'have it', meaning the ability and desire to love and feel attraction, came with someone over fifteen years younger. TBH, I didn't sense the age difference in any meaningful way. That's my 'style'. Everyone's style is different. Good luck
Cee Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Age isn't a major criterion for dating. I am unconventional in many regards so I tend to date men who are off the beaten track. If I start imposing artificial standards such as age, height, weight, salary, etc, I might be missing out on a good man. I can't be choosy about age because I'm choosy about intelligence, emotional balance, kindness, and political compatibility. I've never had a condescending attitude toward younger men thinking they somehow inadequate as dating partners. After all, a man could turn the tables and say I was old or over the hill. And as I've stated on here before, I have met a wonderful man after 2 years of dating hell. He is handsome, funny, intelligent, loyal, tender, sexy, and treats me really well. And he is 15+ years younger than me. It's a big age difference, but we are both selective in our dating partners. And for some reason, we fit so well. I haven't been this happy in a long, long time. I don't think about the future with him. I enjoy our relationship for what it is, for however long it last.
january2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Lemme guess. You're somewhere in your early to mid 30's? I can relate. The old guys are generally my dad's age and I've found that amusing. It's either old or young. Few in the middle. Ah, the joys! My dad is over 70, so that age range is out of the question unless I want to do an 'Anna Nicole Smith'. I once had a 22-year old look me in the eye and insist that he wanted a 'good woman' so that he could get married, have kids and settle down right now. In itself, it's not a bad dream to have but I got the impression that he hadn't really looked at his other choices or gained enough life experience to understand how his dream would affect the rest of his life if it became reality.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I have a friend whose father is a funeral director. He pounded it into her head to date only younger men because of the fact that its the women usually left behind when the husband dies. He's only looking out for the best interest of his daughter... she's married to a man several years younger than she is. Now that I am getting back into the dating pool this keeps popping in my mind. I am avoiding men too much older than me. Younger... is kinda a question of maturity.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 In order to attract young men (for sex) it can help if you look like a MILF or cougar. Just saying it like it is. You want to know how it really is? Daphne is right. Younger men are way more aggressive on the dating scene than older men. It's probably just a mathematics of kind: more of them are single. Couple that with the fact that we women in our 30s are more comfortable in our skin, know how to flirt and be approachable and boom: recipe for younger men hitting on older women. I personally didn't mind it back when I was single. Many of the guys I dated were 5 years younger. Some I considered we didn't have much in common, but there were a few stand outs in there. And yes, the majority of them were looking for a commitment. So as I see it Daphne, the core of the problem seems to be your own personal sense of what's acceptable: I guess I'm embarrassed by dating someone more than 5 years younger. However, I don't think you have a problem. You say: Plus, most importantly, guys my age think I'm the best thing since sliced bread and I don't have to worry too much about if/how I'm going to age. If you prefer guys your age and guys your age think you're the best thing since sliced bread, stick with guys your age. Problem solved.
Author daphne Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 If that's how you feel, go with it. Accept that it's your style and spend no more time on analyzing it. Plenty of men your own age out there in the world. IIUC, your boundaries of movement are minimal and you can meet an appropriate partner anywhere in the world. Smile at the pretty young ones, appreciate their attention, but stay focused on your style and the potentials it brings. My first substantial post-divorce realization that I still 'have it', meaning the ability and desire to love and feel attraction, came with someone over fifteen years younger. TBH, I didn't sense the age difference in any meaningful way. That's my 'style'. Everyone's style is different. Good luck I think it's easier to have that style because you don't have to worry that someone might call you a cougar. What's really annoying is when they know I'm not chasing the boys, and they call them cougar chasers. It's ridiculous. I don't chase period, but there's always a negative connotation associated to an older woman/younger man scenario.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I think it's easier to have that style because you don't have to worry that someone might call you a cougar. What's really annoying is when they know I'm not chasing the boys, and they call them cougar chasers. It's ridiculous. I don't chase period, but there's always a negative connotation associated to an older woman/younger man scenario. Stop caring what people thing and live your life the way you want.
Author daphne Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I've never had a condescending attitude toward younger men thinking they somehow inadequate as dating partners. After all, a man could turn the tables and say I was old or over the hill. Very true. I guess I haven't thought of it that way. But yes, sometimes I am a little condescending about it. Most of the time these boys say the goofiest things. Part of the reason I'm not that drawn to most. However, the biggest reason for me to not want a relationship with someone that much younger (although I think it's awesome that you are,) is because I want to settle down and have the forever thing. And as much as I live more in the moment than I ever did, I don't want to waste my good years and end up empty handed if you know waht I mean. lol. Yes, I sound old fashioned cos I kinda am. I want Mr. Right. And to me, Mr. Youngin would be Mr. Right now. Maybe pretty, maybe fun as hell, but not my forever guy. Granted, who knows if I'll find that guy any time soon so maybe Mr. Right now wouldn't be such a bad idea.
johan Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Please don't refer to men as "pretty", regardless of their age.
Imajerk17 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Is there a rule that says you can't write to the guys you find interesting? The ones in your preferred age-range.
Author daphne Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Ah, the joys! My dad is over 70, so that age range is out of the question unless I want to do an 'Anna Nicole Smith'. I once had a 22-year old look me in the eye and insist that he wanted a 'good woman' so that he could get married, have kids and settle down right now. In itself, it's not a bad dream to have but I got the impression that he hadn't really looked at his other choices or gained enough life experience to understand how his dream would affect the rest of his life if it became reality. Hear, hear. He doesn't know what he's going to want later at such a young age. He doesn't yet know who he is. I guess we're all that way at 22 though, aren't we? What's funny is how a 22 year old knows what he wants (or thinks he does), and there are 50 year olds who still don't. You'd think they have had an ABUNDANCE of time to figure it out already.
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