Faruiza Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Dear Love shack community The guy I was seeing for 2 months has called it off. This was deeply upsetting and shocking for me because for the first time in ages, I really liked him. I could imagine my family loving him, and I enjoyed the fact we had mutual interests, handsome, etc. There was one strange factor that ran all the way through the time I saw him. He would say 'lets meet sometime next week' instead of suggest a day, or he would say 'lets meet after Christmas', buy me a really thoughtful present and then not contact me. At the same time, he could be really keen - saying how he was so glad he met me, I was beautiful, etc. And he could be great about making plans, saying on one evening that he couldn't wait to see me again (in 2 days) and suggesting that plan. I say all this because the reason he gave, was that I seemed to like making plans and keeping in contact and he was more spontaneous. He doesn't like to make plans he said and sometimes likes to shut himself away from the world, and not have to text or call someone for many days. He can't offer this kind of relationship he says. We are both 31. I think the kind of relationship he is describing is not realistic, mature or fair on the other person. I only like to know what I'm doing this week for example, I wasn't asking to make plans for next month. Am I going mad though? Did I do something wrong by telling him I liked to make some plans so I know what I'm doing. I also went on holiday and we were going to meet up when I got back, except he never replied to my email to confirm the day. So when I next saw him, I brought it up (at the end of a lovely evening) and said when that happened it made me think he didn't care. He responded by saying 'that's not the case' and 'I'll get better at that'. But I am now worried I shouldn't have said that and blew the whole damn thing on those words because 2 weeks after that he dumped me. The week leading up to the break up, he suggested meeting up and he asked when I was free. I said early next week and he didn't respond for 5 days (by which time it was early next week!). So I cracked and left a message on his phone asking what was going on. I felt so sick and unhappy not knowing what was going on. He then emailed (not called, we never did that which I would have preferred to do) to say about his dislike for plan making and regular communication and therefore suggests friendship. I know it's only been 2 months, but he swept me off my feet. It was so romantic and exciting and I know he felt the same as he told me so. So I don't know whether to blame myself for being clear that I liked to make some plans and by being a bit put out that he'd ignored that email I'd sent. I am an independent, free spirited girl with a life of my own, which he must have seen. I'm not the clingy kind, so I am going mad with post mortem analysis and I feel depressed about being single at this age, and am ready for a mature relationship with someone I really like. I may have been keen but I was responding to his initial behaviour, which was very enthusiastic. I felt free to be open and interested because he was with me. And it was so romantic....I am devastated but mostly confused. Please help. Please be nice.
timchambo Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I get the impression he may be married and hiding that from you.
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