DreamYumi Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Hi my name is Tasha and I really need to talk about my recent friendship loss. This is a long story and please, I beg you not to judge me I'm trying to cope with this as best as I can and I have no friends right now so I have nobody that'll care to listen or would judge me immediately. Well it all started last year, I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship where I had been cheated on, and a horrible friendship where I was blackmailed for money. I had joined a site online that was about drawing and what have you and I met my ex best friend there. I really looked up to him and so I decided to contact him and get to know him more. From the get go I knew he had a girlfriend and that didn't bother me so much, we just began to get to know each other. At the beginning I was very honest and nice but then things started to shift. He began being flirtatious and we started to "do" things together online. Which he justified at the time as being okay since it was all online I guess. As we just began to get deeper into this "friendship" his ex contacted me. She was rather unstable and got angry at me and cried to me because I was getting close to him. He dumped his girlfriend for a month and went out with her *online dating* then broke it off and dated his girlfriend again. She was quite bitter about this and seemed to be jealous of the friendship I was building with him. This is where things start to get screwed up in my head, When my compulsive lying decided to rear it's ugly head and I wasn't even aware of it. I started to tell him I was sick, And that I was going in for scans. He began to get worried and I think that's what brought us closer. Over the past months I lied about having cancer, Being raped *By my older brother*, Being raped by my brothers friend, getting pregnant from it and having an abortion, Being stabbed, Nearly dying alot, Having heart problems. All of this nasty stuff came out of my mouth, scary thing is I wasn't even aware I was doing it but I know it got worse and worse when he stopped "doing" things with me, told his ex and his girlfriend about it, I wasn't aware that I was making different msn accounts and speaking as OTHER PEOPLE. I thought I was my own BROTHERS. My best friend stood by me during all of this but then during november last year *day after my birthday I think* That's when he started realising things, And he kinda snapped me out of it. And then he gave me a choice really, to keep lying or telling the truth, I remember when I was faced with it I was so confused about what had been happening. I remember I felt angry that he was forgiven by his girlfriend for cheating on her with two girls *While he was being "friendly" with me he was doing the same with his ex at the same time* I came out of the situation feeling deeply depressed and confused as to why I did those things. During the start of our friendship I was given the mission of trying to get him and his ex to rebuild their friendship too. I tried to talk to him soon after we "broke off" and it seemed hopeful, He hoped that I'd become better and we'd be best friends in the future again. But recently I contacted him again trying to explain that something wasn't y'know right with me and that if he could understand we could move on together. Yes I understand he's hurting and he invested alot of time into something that was a lie, but I don't mean to sound selfish or self pitying but, I ended up getting more than I bargained for, I went to the doctors, I do have Schizophrenia and Multiple personality disorder as well as that big OCD that I freaking HATE. I'm having to come to terms with the fact I've been a different person for 10 years *I'm 22 now* And I've tried to make new friends and tell them about what I suffer from but people don't want to know and when I did try to explain to my ex best friend...well...I saw a side to him I never seen, like he was glad I was gone which was different to the whole "I hope I can have my best friend back in the future" thing, He had shared what happened with his ex and I guess they're friends now united by their hatred for me... I know I'm not a bad person and frankly I'm scared to tell people about this but I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm so alone now and nobody wants anything to do with me. I'm grieving for my best friend too but I'm also sad for the fact that I hurt him, when I know the real me would walk over coal fire for him. And any time he needed me to be there I was there for him, every time. Now I'm all alone and I wish I had someone to be there for me... I've joined classes already and I go out alot and I've tried to meet people here in belfast but to no avail. But I guess I have no right to be sad right? I did all the nasty stuff, I'm the enemy here. I don't know what else to do anymore, I just needed to get that all off my chest. I'm sorry.
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