Titania22 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 You guys are so good at list making. It's impressive. Lists don't work well for me. Maybe I am too superficial, but I always find out that what I thought was important, wasn't.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I've got the first two! Pics or it didn't happen. Send them to my inbox.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Must be hot. Must not be a Republican.
mustofbeen Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I don't date women that want a lot but have nothing to offer. If you want an athletic guy make sure that you are too. My resent date wanted all of that, I told her no offence but you have nothing to offer in return, you want me to quit smoking and you're an alcoholic? GTFO, bye.
mustofbeen Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 My list is simple, must be fun, i don't care where you work, live
Leeway Harris Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I've got the first two! Consider yourself flirted with! How YOU doin'? LOL You guys are so good at list making. It's impressive. Lists don't work well for me. Maybe I am too superficial, but I always find out that what I thought was important, wasn't. Yeah, I'm wondering about all the people with long "lists". Is it a thing where they have a long line of people outside their door waiting to date them, and they can go down the list with each one, eliminating them if they don't tick one of the boxes? Or do they actually find people who meet all the requirements and then determinedly pursue only those people? It occurs to me that, if you're afraid of being in a relationship and don't want to admit it, having a long "list" of "must haves" and "can't stands" is a convenient way of keeping yourself out of one.
Eeyore79 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah, I'm wondering about all the people with long "lists". Is it a thing where they have a long line of people outside their door waiting to date them, and they can go down the list with each one, eliminating them if they don't tick one of the boxes? My list is fairly short and includes only the major dealbreakers. When I meet guys I assess their eligibility based on whether I find them attractive, whether they seem intelligent and nice, etc. It's pointless making the effort to find out about dealbreakers if I'm not even attracted to the guy! If I'm attracted, then I whip out the dealbreaker list - if he ticks one of the boxes I don't proceed, even if he seemed attractive in all other respects. It's difficult enough even with my short list of dealbreakers, so people with longer lists must find it virtually impossible to locate a suitable partner!
Eeyore79 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah, I'm wondering about all the people with long "lists". Is it a thing where they have a long line of people outside their door waiting to date them, and they can go down the list with each one, eliminating them if they don't tick one of the boxes? My list is fairly short and includes only the major dealbreakers. When I meet guys I assess their eligibility based on whether I find them attractive, whether they seem intelligent and nice, etc. It's pointless making the effort to find out about dealbreakers if I'm not even attracted to the guy! If I'm attracted, then I whip out the dealbreaker list - if he ticks one of the boxes I don't proceed, even if he seemed attractive in all other respects. It's difficult enough even with my short list of dealbreakers, so people with longer lists must find it virtually impossible to locate a suitable partner!
GivenUp0083 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 You've probably heard some dating "experts" say that you should have a list of 5 to 10 "must haves" and "can't stands" when you are in the dating game (which is NOT a game to me). And online dating sites (which I don't participate in) love those lists. Ugh. You know, such as: MUST have a job / Can't be a ________. Does this work for anyone? If anyone has a great list that works for them, I'd love to see it. Or if it's a waste of time, say so. I know you should look at each person/situation individually, but I'm wondering if strict guidelines help or hinder you. Thanks And if there is a similar current post already, my apologies. Couldn't find one via search. I look at it like this: Dating is hard enough and it's even harder to find someone you have very good initial chemistry with these days. Why would you pigeon hole yourself and completely lock out a group of people based on a silly guideline or list? When I met my gf on our first date I wasn't employed. I know for a fact she's crazy about me and I think we have a really good future together. If she had that guideline about not going on dates with guys unless they had a job well then I guess we'd never be together. Why would you do that to yourself?
Disillusioned Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 If there's profit in it, then eventually, they'll make it happen. In the case of human cloning, I doubt it. Too many moralistic killjoys... they'll say making clones is like playing God or some happy horse poop like that (I wonder how giving a person the love of their life constitutes playing God, but then again, I ain't no moralist). Anyhow, how would non-clone women feel if men suddenly started pairing up with non-clone women? Non-clone women would want male clones who think like women.
Jazzari Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I look at it like this: Dating is hard enough and it's even harder to find someone you have very good initial chemistry with these days. Why would you pigeon hole yourself and completely lock out a group of people based on a silly guideline or list? When I met my gf on our first date I wasn't employed. I know for a fact she's crazy about me and I think we have a really good future together. If she had that guideline about not going on dates with guys unless they had a job well then I guess we'd never be together. Why would you do that to yourself?A "list" didn't matter to me at all when I was in my 20's. But I'm in my 40's now and I know exactly what I want. It's not a matter of finding someone and growing together. We are both going to be established and there isn't going to be much (if any) change. So, yes, I'm very picky and I want someone who is perfect for me. I'm determined to get it and won't settle for less. Oh - and part of that list is also me being perfect for HIM. I want the full deal.
Back Burner Gal Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 If she had that guideline about not going on dates with guys unless they had a job well then I guess we'd never be together. Why would you do that to yourself? Because by the time you are in your 40's you've been there and done that, and have seen your friends been there and having done that too. Most guys who aren't suitably employed by age 45, aren't ever going to be. Have spent the last 25 years having trouble holding onto your job? Bet that's not going to change. Never got a career off the ground, bet that's not going to change either (altho flukes do happen). Got laid off two years ago and can't find another job through no fault of your own? Feel very sorry for you, but I don't want to support anyone. It's awkward. I can go on vacation, you can't. I can buy a new car, you can't. I can go to this restaurant, you can't. I don't want to be a sugar mama. I don't want to feel exploited. I don't want to deal with the resentment. I don't want someone much richer than me nor someone much poorer than me. Someone who is unemployed due to retirement who can live within their means maybe. Altho I wonder how that would work out. I have to work for the next 15-20 years; if you are home all day with nothing to do or off traveling, it probably isn't going to work out.
Titania22 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 @Leeway Harris I think you are spot on, many people are afraid of being in a real relationship, it would push them out of their comfort zone. It's easier to build a box, and try to let only people that gel with the box through the door. I think we all do it to an extent, even without a list. We all have things that are turn ons and things that are turn offs. And we even have the odd must have. Even if we don't know it, I have found that when that person with the must have turns up, suddenly it makes sense why i wasn't that into other people i have met. Of if we then start telling people what that must have is (like on a forum or something), we can seem superficial or too fussy. I would suggest that everyone probably has one desire that trumps everything they might put on a list. A "list" didn't matter to me at all when I was in my 20's. But I'm in my 40's now and I know exactly what I want. It's not a matter of finding someone and growing together. We are both going to be established and there isn't going to be much (if any) change. So, yes, I'm very picky and I want someone who is perfect for me. I'm determined to get it and won't settle for less. Oh - and part of that list is also me being perfect for HIM. I want the full deal. How depressing. I seriously couldn't live without change. I am always changing and growing, and I don't think that will change in the next couple of years. In many ways I am established, in that I know myself, but that doesn't mean there isn't flexibility there. I think it is still a case of finding someone and growing together at any age. Unless you are just looking for yourself, in which case just look in a mirror. The beauty of finding someone that isn't you, is that you get variation in your experience, you get a glimpse of what reality looks like from anothers perspective. By introducing all sorts of limitations to the criteria, you could miss out on an opportunity that is more wonderful and fulfilling then your brain was able to reason out. Look at GivenUp0083, he didn't have a job when he met his girl, but she is very happy having him in her life. Any man who gets to be with me, isn't going to get any standard list criteria (marriage, mortgage, children, etc), but I would bet that man would have more of a great fun, adventurous life, then he would with the standard list.
Titania22 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Because by the time you are in your 40's you've been there and done that, and have seen your friends been there and having done that too. Most guys who aren't suitably employed by age 45, aren't ever going to be. Have spent the last 25 years having trouble holding onto your job? Bet that's not going to change. Never got a career off the ground, bet that's not going to change either (altho flukes do happen). Got laid off two years ago and can't find another job through no fault of your own? Feel very sorry for you, but I don't want to support anyone. It's awkward. I can go on vacation, you can't. I can buy a new car, you can't. I can go to this restaurant, you can't. I don't want to be a sugar mama. I don't want to feel exploited. I don't want to deal with the resentment. I don't want someone much richer than me nor someone much poorer than me. Someone who is unemployed due to retirement who can live within their means maybe. Altho I wonder how that would work out. I have to work for the next 15-20 years; if you are home all day with nothing to do or off traveling, it probably isn't going to work out. Who would want to support anyone? If you don't want to pay for someone else don't. But my concern here, is that you have a limited view of what is possible. You have figured out a set of possibilities in your brain and said, I will accept this, but not this. I think you have missed so many possibilities, and you are also seeing the time line as a set of constants. Just because you have your job today, doesn't mean you will still have it tomorrow, just because a guy says he doesn't have a job, doesn't mean he is working on his passion (and possibly making money from it, or is independently wealthy), just because someone is working today, doesn't mean that 5yrs from now they won't have a stroke or cancer (or some such thing). Also your post seems that you are materialistic, so perhaps what you do need is someone who is also materialistic, because not everyone cares about buying a new car, and there is a big difference between travelling the world as a backpacker and having the 5 star trip (with tons of variation in between). There are guys out there, who won't have a bad attitude about paying a little extra so you can be with them on a trip, that is a little out of your budget. Obviously a person who already owns their own home, needs less money to get by than a person who is renting. All sorts of factors play in. I could keep going, but hopefully you are getting an idea. It reminds me of the old Hamlet quote. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy
aerogurl87 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Haha I bought Patti Stanger (aka The Millionaire Matchmaker)'s book "Become Your Own Matchmaker", after I broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago. It had that same advice in it and I took it. I still have my list saved on my laptop. Top Ten Must Haves Must not be possessive Must already be financially independent Must be ambitious Must be witty and spontaneous Must be taller than me (at least 5’10) Must like to debate topics Must know how to budget well Must be passionate Must be open minded Must be in shape (or at least look like it) The first 5 things were non negotiables and I got all of them in my boyfriend now. Plus 4 of the other 5 things in that list. He can't budget well but that's one of the places where our differences complement each other. Personally I'm happy I made that list, it helped me figure out how wrong my relationship with my rebound guy was, and helped me to be able to move on to someone who was much better suited for me.
Author TerminalMan Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Wow, great comments. Back Burner Gal, i should adopt your list. Mental/emotional stability and reliability are not mentioned enough, but they are high on my list. Unfortunately it can take a few weeks or months to realize that someone's mental/emotional status may be questionable! duckduckgoose says "I really really hate lying and avoid it at all costs." Me, too. And I don't understand people who lie constantly, even when they get caught in it. They manage to ruin every relationship they are in, and refuse to try a different tact (honesty). "Deny, deny, deny" is their motto. Once or twice I've even been told I was "mean" for telling the truth. So be it.
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