women, are you really the type of person to attract the type of guy you want

[singlelife]

Think about this before answering. And I don't mean if you are hot and men want to have sex with you. I mean a mate that is compatible with you.

[Eeyore79]

Ideally I'd like a guy who's a little more down to earth and sensible than I am; I can be a bit ditzy and forgetful. I don't think it's an unreasonable request given that I'm not bothered about him being highly intellectual or amazingly handsome; he can be less intelligent and attractive than me and I'll still be happy. He gets a smart and pretty girlfriend, and I get a supportive man who can compensate for my impracticalities, which seems like a reasonable trade

 

On other counts I'm pretty much looking for a guy who matches what I have to offer - educated, employed, no kids, decent person, non-smoker and social drinker, etc. I'd also prefer him to look the same age as me and be at the same life stage too, which in reality means he would probably have to be slightly younger (again, this seems reasonable given that I'm not concerned about his looks - I don't mind being prettier as long as he's younger).

[Roadlesstaken]

Well lately I have been attracting losers so I am wondering if there is something inherently wrong with me. I think part of the problem is that I just got out of a ten year marriage and that I am sort of vulnerable and my senses are not up to where they should be.

 

Ultimately, I would like a man that is educated, employed, intelligent, honest, trustworthy, kind, has a strong personality and has a great sense of humor. He also doesn't have to be all that attractive looks wise upon first meeting because looks fade and I know that as a relationship develops that he will become more attractive as my feelings develop for him. I would prefer that he have children because I don't want to have any more children. I also think that it is very important that he is family oriented.

Edited February 13, 2011 by Roadlesstaken

[Lorelai]

I like the clarification that you're wanting this to be more than about initial physical attraction. As far as looks, there are more than enough guys out there who like my type and I know that I am beautiful... just not what I'd call "traditionally attractive". The chemistry of mutual initial attraction is pretty much just something that defines the limits of the playing field in the dating game... not really something up to either party.

 

Considering I have also somewhat nontraditional taste in men on the non-physical, it's good that I think I'm the kind of person who the people I would really want to date would want to date. I value intelligence, and that's a value I'd want them to have as well. I'm much more likely to be found with my nose in a book than in front of a TV set. To be blunt, I'm a geek chick -- I've played more than my share of RPGs in my time, for example -- and I'd probably only get along with someone who shared similar interests. Fortunately, geek chicks are a rarity and so among the geeks of the world, the odds are more in my gender's favor.

 

As far as deeper issues, I'm quite fond of two books: "Games People Play" and "Scripts People Live" -- the handbooks of a psychological theory known as "transactional analysis". Basically, they present a theory about dysfunctional interactions between people... and back it up with descriptions of specific, common, generally well-ingrained ways that people manipulate each other to get psychosocial needs met (often times without realizing it) and a few of the needs met by each "game". The second book expands on the theory to show common life patterns that people get stuck in to get those needs met -- and again, what some of the needs are that the "script" might be designed to fulfill.

 

While they illustrate common ones they've seen, they show the structure of each so you can recognize the main building blocks of these games/scripts and extrapolate them to situations they don't cover. When you find yourself in the same situation and being with the same type of person over and over, if those are not the type you want to attract you might see a pattern... and if you can find one, be able to break out of it. Quite a bit from those books has helped me identify patterns like that, both in myself and in the people that I'm considering dating.

Edited February 13, 2011 by Lorelai

[phineas]

Well lately I have been attracting losers so I am wondering if there is something inherently wrong with me. I think part of the problem is that I just got out of a ten year marriage and that I am sort of vulnerable and my senses are not up to where they should be.

 

Ultimately, I would like a man that is educated, employed, intelligent, honest, trustworthy, kind, has a strong personality and has a great sense of humor. He also doesn't have to be all that attractive looks wise upon first meeting because looks fade and I know that as a relationship develops that he will become more attractive as my feelings develop for him. I would prefer that he have children because I don't want to have any more children. I also think that it is very important that he is family oriented.

 

'sup.

 

 

you just described me. too bad I keep meeting women that back burner me & or lead me on so essentially I spend months wasting my time on people that just go "poof" or turn into stage 5 clingers that want exclusivity without being in an actual relationship.

 

But i'm learning to recognize these women.

I don't even go for the really hot ones either.

Just woman that follows a similiar healthy lifestyle to mine.

[SmileFace]

No, that is why I am single.

This was my intial reply , then I read it over - and it still stands correct.

I am not yet the person to attract the guy I really want.

Edited February 13, 2011 by SmileFace

[Roadlesstaken]

'sup.

 

 

you just described me. too bad I keep meeting women that back burner me & or lead me on so essentially I spend months wasting my time on people that just go "poof" or turn into stage 5 clingers that want exclusivity without being in an actual relationship.

 

But i'm learning to recognize these women.

I don't even go for the really hot ones either.

Just woman that follows a similiar healthy lifestyle to mine.

 

What are you doing for lunch?

 

It's good to know that there are men out there that are date/relationship worthy who are looking for the same things that I am looking for. You have given me hope.

[january2011]

I'm doing a lot of work on myself with a view to becoming a new and improved version of 'me'. If this means that on my journey I attract the type of man that I want, it's a bonus but not the ultimate goal.

[singlelife]

I really like and appreciate the honest anwsers by the women. Sometimes we all just need to take a look at ourselves.

[LittleTiger]

Here's another honest one for you: I guess I must be, cos I have the perfect guy for me.

[daphne]

Yep. I think so. But I keep working on improvement, because we can all be better.

[tami-chan]

Think about this before answering. And I don't mean if you are hot and men want to have sex with you. I mean a mate that is compatible with you.

 

I seem to attract men who are older, successful and nurturing. Yes, that type is compatible with me because I am in my 30s and I am relatively successful in my field and quite settled and realized I really do not have the patience to deal with anybody who is "up and coming".

[Jazzari]

I generally attract men who are very successful, love family and tend to be protective of me. They like dogs and the outdoors. That is the kind of man I want and they seem to like me as well.

[xpaperxcutx]

I keep attracting men who think I'm easy. I have no f---ing clue why.

[Nexus One]

I keep attracting men who think I'm easy. I have no f---ing clue why.

 

Perhaps men think you're very sexual due to the fact that you swing both ways?