Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I had a similar question in mind... What kind a guy would Hokie have to be in order to be happy with himself? Who does he want to be? And why isn't who he is right now good enough? My life is much better now that I don't treat myself as a work in progress. This is who I am, flaws and all.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I had a similar question in mind... What kind a guy would Hokie have to be in order to be happy with himself? Who does he want to be? Good question...and I honestly don't know right now...during my little "New Year's Resolution" thread, I thought I knew...but now I'm not sure at all...
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Whenever I go out with them, I find myself just being a 'bystander' and the one who looks like he's not having a good time. Would you be looking like you're not having a good time because ... you're not having a good time? Why not? Maybe you're transitioning in life and are just in an uncomfortable phase. Or have you always felt this way? It might be because I'm not trashed enough or because I'm not being socially aggressive enough, but oftentimes I have the distinct pleasure of standing there watching women throw themselves all over them and playing the proverbial odd wheel. So? You know you're a good looking smart man. You say yourself you look like you're not having a good time. Why would women approach you? And who cares if women approach you or not? Is that the only reason you're out? (And uh, aren't men the ones who're supposed to approach ) edit: sorry I'm asking so many questions!
johan Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 And why isn't who he is right now good enough? Well... Let's not get carried away.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Would you be looking like you're not having a good time because ... you're not having a good time? Why not? Maybe you're transitioning in life and are just in an uncomfortable phase. Or have you always felt this way? I've always felt this way. Except for maybe a handful of times out, that's usually how my nights out end up. I become jealous of all the other guys and wonder what they have that I don't that gives them such success with women in social environments. So I will just get more bitter and angry (years ago I'd actually get physical pains) and leave. I've gotten better about and will usually stick it out the whole night, but it's usually against my will. That's why I stopped going out altogether for a few years through law school. It just wasn't fun, and I had a better time just doing things alone. So? You know you're a good looking smart man. You say yourself you look like you're not having a good time. Why would women approach you? And who cares if women approach you or not? Is that the only reason you're out? (And uh, aren't men the ones who're supposed to approach ) The times I'm out where women are not a priority are generally the times I have the most fun, because the focus turns to having a good time rather than hooking up. I actually have the best time with married friends and those who are otherwise already coupled up. But you can only imagine what happens when you put a bunch of single Marines together... edit: sorry I'm asking so many questions! I'm glad you're asking questions, because they are questions I would never have asked myself otherwise! It definitely helps!
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I had a similar question in mind... What kind a guy would Hokie have to be in order to be happy with himself? Who does he want to be? Tucker Max.
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 @sweetjasmine - I pretty much agree with Kamille's post in response to yours. @MrNate - Thank you They are...but I've been trying so hard lately to be someone I think I should be...who I was before (I'm talking years ago before my first relationship and before LS...) is definitely not someone who puts himself in positions and opportunities favorable for dating...because I just didn't date...so when things go bad, I instinctually revert to my old "natural" state... Maybe. I don't know. The past couple months have been quite the mindf*ck. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is a crisis that really affects your everyday life or if it's just a niggling issue that would be nice to resolve. I don't quite see how you can function at the level that you would need to if you find the issues that you've alluded to on here that crippling. Could it be a case that posting about your issues on here and then getting everyone's feedback and suggestions makes the problem seem like it's worse than it actually is?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 To be honest, I'm not sure if this is a crisis that really affects your everyday life or if it's just a niggling issue that would be nice to resolve. I don't quite see how you can function at the level that you would need to if you find the issues that you've alluded to on here that crippling. Could it be a case that posting about your issues on here and then getting everyone's feedback and suggestions makes the problem seem like it's worse than it actually is? This could be very possible. I think I've noticed that talking about things, whether on LS or with friends, makes an issue seem a lot worse than it really is. And no, it doesn't affect my everyday life. During the week, I'm so busy and exhausted that my social life is the last thing I'd ever think about. But when it comes time to go out, everything goes rushing back into my head. It just doesn't "cripple" me because I can just fake it when I'm out. Like we like to say, "fake motivation is still motivation..."
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah, like seriously, we should all focus that you DID get a number last night :bunny:!
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah, like seriously, we should all focus that you DID get a number last night :bunny:! Yea...she lives in NY...just visiting DC for the run...and I'm religiously disqualified anyway...
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 This could be very possible. I think I've noticed that talking about things, whether on LS or with friends, makes an issue seem a lot worse than it really is. And no, it doesn't affect my everyday life. During the week, I'm so busy and exhausted that my social life is the last thing I'd ever think about. But when it comes time to go out, everything goes rushing back into my head. It just doesn't "cripple" me because I can just fake it when I'm out. Like we like to say, "fake motivation is still motivation..." I wouldn't advise not talking to friends though. Especially if you occasionally find their advice useful. Going out is meant to be your time to relax and have fun. To be with the people you enjoy spending time with. If you prefer to hang out with certain people like your married friends, why not do more of that rather than a bunch of singleton marines who are out on the pull?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Going out is meant to be your time to relax and have fun. To be with the people you enjoy spending time with. If you prefer to hang out with certain people like your married friends, why not do more of that rather than a bunch of singleton marines who are out on the pull? Because my married friends are all scattered thousands of miles around the world...and I'm currently surrounded by my singleton Marine friends...
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Because my married friends are all scattered thousands of miles around the world...and I'm currently surrounded by my singleton Marine friends... Pffft! Make some new friends. Is it really that difficult to find new social circles where you're currently located?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Pffft! Make some new friends. Is it really that difficult to find new social circles where you're currently located? No. I have a few friends outside of the military circle in the area, so I try to balance my time. But in the end, no matter who I go out with, I get the same feeling when I come home at the end of the night. Ah well.
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 No. I have a few friends outside of the military circle in the area, so I try to balance my time. But in the end, no matter who I go out with, I get the same feeling when I come home at the end of the night. Ah well. Explain this feeling to me.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Explain this feeling to me. "Well, here's to another night where I've come home by myself while everyone else is out hooking up. I didn't really have that much fun, and my chest still hurts from pent up rage throughout the night. I could have just saved some money and time by staying home, because I know I'll just re-live the night tomorrow morning when my buddy tells me how awesome the night was and how many women were out for the taking. I know, because I stood there the whole night watching them all over him. What does he have that I don't." Or some permutation of the above.
GooseChaser Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Maybe it would be worth it to try a different kind of night out, one where there isn't pressure to pick up girls, but rather one where you can just enjoy the company of friends. You could also try new locations for a change of pace. What do you think?
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 "Well, here's to another night where I've come home by myself while everyone else is out hooking up. I didn't really have that much fun, and my chest still hurts from pent up rage throughout the night. I could have just saved some money and time by staying home, because I know I'll just re-live the night tomorrow morning when my buddy tells me how awesome the night was and how many women were out for the taking. I know, because I stood there the whole night watching them all over him. What does he have that I don't." Or some permutation of the above. It doesn't seem healthy for this to affect you so much that you feel physical pain. Is this really the kind of life you want to lead where you are hooking up with different girls every week? Are your heart and mind built for this kind of life?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 It doesn't seem healthy for this to affect you so much that you feel physical pain. It's definitely gotten better than it used to be... Is this really the kind of life you want to lead where you are hooking up with different girls every week? Are your heart and mind built for this kind of life? Of course it's not the kind of life I want...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sometimes jealous of other guys that did it...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Maybe it would be worth it to try a different kind of night out, one where there isn't pressure to pick up girls, but rather one where you can just enjoy the company of friends. You could also try new locations for a change of pace. What do you think? Yea, that would definitely be nice, but my friends here generally like to frequent the same sorts of places...that is, get plastered and then find womens...
tami-chan Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Sometimes I think you are "too honest" in expressing your feelings and thoughts that you become vulnerable or exposed to "vultur-ic" personalities- then I realized, you didn't get to where you are ( and with that kind of bod ,by the way) not being able to stand up on your own. Just sayin'.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Sometimes I think you are "too honest" in expressing your feelings and thoughts that you become vulnerable or exposed to "vultur-ic" personalities- then I realized, you didn't get to where you are ( and with that kind of bod ,by the way) not being able to stand up on your own. Just sayin'. You might be right about this...and it's something I've noticed about myself on LS...or when I'm talking with friends... Oh well...it is what it is...
tman666 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 "Well, here's to another night where I've come home by myself while everyone else is out hooking up. I didn't really have that much fun, and my chest still hurts from pent up rage throughout the night. I could have just saved some money and time by staying home, because I know I'll just re-live the night tomorrow morning when my buddy tells me how awesome the night was and how many women were out for the taking. I know, because I stood there the whole night watching them all over him. What does he have that I don't." Or some permutation of the above. I've read through this thread, and none of it was really connecting until this post. This single post hit home hard with me because this is how I felt every single effing time I went out in college (either to a bar or a house party). It used to piss me off so much hearing about how "epic" each night was even though I perceived it much differently. I could never figure out why I wasn't able to really enjoy myself. Like you, the rage would build up over the course of the night where eventually, I'd cut out early, feeling like a defeated, antisocial weirdo after a situation that should have been fun. Accepting myself as a non-player was something that took me a long time. There are so many reasons around us why one would be lead to think that there are a certain set of "rules" one must play by to find happiness. You said yourself that you don't want to be a player, yet you find yourself jealous of your friends that are hook up pros due to their apparent fulfillment from their behaviors and lifestyle. Turning into one of them would likely fail due to many reasons, and even if you were successful at becoming more of a pick up artist, I don't think you'd feel any more fulfilled or happy. Stop playing by others' rules and play by your own. If 90 percent of the girls out there only respond to a game that you don't play, then go after the other 10 percent. Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, so to speak.
Titania22 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Stop playing by others' rules and play by your own. If 90 percent of the girls out there only respond to a game that you don't play, then go after the other 10 percent. Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, so to speak. I second this advice. It's really the only way to live. And it works for any and every area of life not just dating.
MrNate Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yep Yep! The people you hang with will eventually start to influence certain thought processes you have. Whether that is good or bad? Eh, well that's your call. What is your gut telling you bud? Because it seems as long as you and your friends have such conflicting mentalities in areas such as this. It is definitely going to cause some inner tension.
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